A good story

"

JohnGrammaticus wrote:

Minmaxing alcohol while writing is an important skill, first thing you learn when studying journalism. A few years back I managed to rush a 15 pages long article within an hour, got top grade, just because I have had a great roll on my alcohol/flow ratio. On the other hand overdoing it just a little bit is catastrophic and demolishes the flow completly. Ah them funny old days...

Many hundreds of years has shown this to be true.
http://youtu.be/lIv96reVlAE

"

skunk27 wrote:

Many hundreds of years has shown this to be true.
http://youtu.be/lIv96reVlAE

Ah this is great, thanks mate.

Beardmaster stood up suddenly and swooped his beard over his broad shoulders, "It is settled, we leave at midnight!"

Legend ceased looting that other guys corpse for a moment and raised his eyebrows, "It is midnight!"

"Then we leave now!"

"This journey is long, we should get supplies"

"Oh Legend, I thought you would have learned already. Our beards will provide all we need on our travels."

Legend pondered, "But how?"

"Like this!"

Suddenly beardmaster reached into his beard and pulled our a fully cooked ham which he then began to munch on mercilessly.

Legend peered down at his beared in wonderment, then reached deep inside it.. only to pull out nothing at all.

"It's fucked", he frowned.

"It's not fucked", Beardmaster laughed, "but it does take a good deal of practice, and knowing you as I do, I hardly feel inclined to teach. Come now, we will head for Leftbridge and purchase some epic mounts."

Beardmaster and Legend made their way to Leftbridge under the cover of darkness. It was commonplace to travel at night in those parts because the vicious blightmongers fed on sunlight and human bones but were pretty lethargic at night. In face, they had become such a nuisance as of late that most villages in the area had completely reversed their schedules. When the two men arrived at Leftbridge it was a bustle of activity under the constant hum of magically driven light-orbs.

They made their way to the center of town and approached the Inn of Twelve Sorrows, a place Beardmaster had purchased mounts from in the past.

"Beardmaster, is it really you!?", A young maiden rushed at him. Beardmaster punched her out cold before she could ask him for an autograph. They simply did not have time for such meanderings.

"What the..", Legend was taken aback by these actions.

"The woman will be fine", Beardmaster insisted, "Trust me, that one was just a scout. If I had paid her any heed we would be dealing with that mass very shortly."

Beardmaster pointed at a a large crowd of gawkers that were standing some distance away along the side of the road. As legend squinted he could see that some of them were holding copies of Beardmasters autobiography.

"Ahhhhh", Legend understood the tactic.

"We better get going, that face-punch won't keep them at bay long", Beardmaster advised. He was still eying the crowd that was milling about. Things had been so much simpler before everyone and their dog knew of his exploits. In some ways he wished that Legend had achieved his goal of fame and fortune. He sure seemed like he would be more suited to the attention.

Legend observed the crowd growing in size and starting to mill in their direction, nodded to Beardmaster and followed suit in the direction of the inn. They made sure to duck in to some dark alleys. They had to fight some gang members but it was better than being accosted by that swarming mob.

At last they saw the Inn of Twelve Sorrows across one last busy street. It was the busiest street in all of Leftbridge, the street that joined directly with the bridge itself. There were constant farmers markets set up on either side of the bridge where traders from Leftbridge and Rightbridge made dealings of all sorts.

"We won't make it through that crowd", Beardmaster frowned, "Lets find another way."

Doubling back into the alleyway, the duo quickly realized that there were only two options left. The inn or the distinct door at the bottom of the bridge that led to the sewers.

"Isn't this a little too obvious?", Legend asked.

"I vote for the sewers, we stay low and avoid anymore confrontation. With any luck, we might be able to reach the edge of the city and make for the gates", Beardmaster reasoned.

"Absolutely not, I am in no such desperation to wallow in the city's excrement. Besides there is no telling whats down there. I doubt there are any fans looking for a piece of your clothing for a memento"

"There might be more rabid admirers in the Twelve Sorrows"

"Or we can find one of the secret passageways in the cellar? The owner would know enough and we need not have to talk t the patorns"

"You have got to stop reading those fantasy books", Breadmaster groaned.

Although, the sewers seemed more and more the obvious choice, Breardmaster couldn't help but at least try the obviously "too easy" route.

"Fine, I have no desire to wallow in muck more than you, but to simply prove you wrong lets try the inn"

As the two slowly opened the doors to the Twelve Sorrows, bracing for the possibility of being swarmed by another potential mob.

Stepping into the large room with a gently rolling fire place covered with pelts, the duo noticed that things were oddly calm. A comely lass approached them and Beardmaster instinctively cocked his hand back into a fist waiting for the obvious.

"Welcome to the twelve sorrows, what will it be today?" She piqued.

Legend, quickly grabbing Beardmaster's fist, replied "A mug of your finest please".

"Have a seat gentlemen, I will be back with your drinks" she responded turning away.

"We don't have time for this!!" Beardmaster frowned.

"No, we don't but that is all I could think of to keep you from laying the poor girl out", Legend retorted. "Come, we should use this opportunity to glean some information off of the barkeep.", Legend walked on.

The bartender was a portly fellow who once seem suited to a jolly life. Apparently life of the city has taken its toll and now all that remained was emotionless frown baked into a face that has known struggle. And there he was, next to the kitchen counter trying his best to a put on a face of glee and excitement.

Truth be told, after thirty years of maintaining this bar has starting drain him of all pleasures in life except for profits. "It's a common trait for those that own successful business", he kept on assuring himself. Yet as the years rolled by his personal life became nonexistent. Being the barkeep is all Josunth had left, it was his life and it was so God damned monotonous. Suddenly noticing two unfamiliar figures approaching from the corner of his eye, the barkeep snapped out of his daily self pity ritual and started reciting the holy words all over again...

"10 pieces for two beds. You have met Wendy, she can bring you your food to your lodging if you don't want to mix with the locals although it will cost a little extra", bartender recited as the two approached.

"We will give you 20 gold pieces if you can tell us a way out of this city without attracting attention." Legend interrupted.

"Oh certainly, let me just bend over and you two can crawl into my arse and kiss it while you are at it. Whats the matter with you? This is a respectable establishment not a smugglers den full of back doors.", the barkeep retorted.

"Who are you two anyway that need such red carpet treatment?"

It suddenly struck Beardmaster that, despite the mix of locals and visitors from afar, there was no sign of any recognition from any of the patrons. This would actually be good luck if Beardmaster did not have an ego to stroke.

"Two weary travelers that are willing to part with 25 gold pieces and let you hold on to your family heirlooms instead of spit-roasting them and making you eat it" Beardmaster threatened.

"Well... with such reasonable price, why would I say no?", the barkeep sneered.

"Good", legend retorted.

"This way", the barkeep waved them on while walking into the kitchen.

It's a shame they couldn't explore this inn further, besides the flippant host the establishment held quite the character. The roast boar lying on the kitchen table was particularly tempting.

Entering the cellar, the barkeep waved the two to continue on. "Look for two barrels at the furthest end of the room, one of them has an old boot on top of them. Push the wall directly behind the barrel, its a narrow opening but it widens up as you move in further. Do not stop till you see an opening with a rat skull along the way." He instructed as he hurriedly closed the door behind them.

"Where does this lead to?" Legend asked.

"I don't know, I have never been able to fit through", the barkeeps distant voice echoed back.

Something was not right, this had all seemed too easy. Whats worse, Legend will definitely try to bring this up to validate his fantasy books. yet so far the instructions held true. Just as he had said, there lay a pair of barrels at the end of the cellar with a moldy old boot on top of one on the right. A few nudges revealed the fake wall and the hollow passage through.



"Heheheh"

"And here it comes...", Beardmaster groaned to himself.

"You know, you have to admit reading those fantasy books came in handy this day." Legend piqued.

"Yes, who would have thought that there was a measure of truth to it? But somehow I don't believe we are that lucky" Beardmaster replied.

"You are not winning this one", Legend sighed and pushed past his companion.

After a few minutes of crawling through the hole, just as the barkeep said the rat skull..."

"Wait a minute..." Beardmaster stop with a sudden pained realization.

"How did he know there was a rat skull at the end if he has never been able to fit in?" Beardmaster asked.

"He might have had some one plant it there?? We are at the exit, can we hold off all doubts till we see this through??", Legend insisted and began approaching the exit.

Right there Beardmaster knew it was a trap. The catch to the barkeeps detailed instruction was the rat skull carefully placed in the center of their path. It wasn't just an indicator to the end of the path, it was also a trap of collapsing ground that, when applied enough pressure will cave in and make the target lose balance and enjoy a decent fall right into a middle of a small guard camp.

Too lat now; as they picked themselves up, the couple knew they would not stand a chance against four guards well trained in combat. Much worse, them falling right into a middle of a group removed any doubt as to what their intentions were.

Legend's quick thinking managed to blind two guards with dirt and both split up to hamper any chase.

"We will have to pay the bartender a visit...", Legend grimaced looking at the rusty door to the sewers.

"A mission for another day, today we swallow our pride and get on with what must be done.", Beardmaster interjected as he approached the sewer entrance.

"Did anyone see you come in" Legend asked.

"No I managed to knock the guard out during the chase." Beardmaster replied flatly.

"How in the hell did you managed to do that?", Legend asked perplexed.

"Someday I might tell you", Beardmaster snorted with a twinkle in his eye and a wry smile.

Fat chance in hell I will ever tell you the truth you turkey , beard master thought to himself. The reality of his escape was more embarrassing than he would care to admit. Accidentally falling off a ladder and on to your assailant hardly made for an epic getaway.

"Shall we?" Legend motioned Beardmaster forward.

"Lets shall.", Beardmaster sighed.

Knowing that things can only get worse from here on end, the duo entered the sewers. Unlike above ground, there are things that lurk in the recess of the city that many don't acknowledge. These are not fans, these are not people, they want more than just an autograph. Oh no, these beasties were out for blood.

"You do realize that your fantasy novella skills did nothing but put us back on track to the sewers, right?" Beardmaster said as they closed the sewer door behind them.

Excellent structure, progression and most of all pace, Hulk and Kiwi approve. Please continue and self publish on an edoc pdf for the masses of fantasy fancy to enjoy. All the best, Paul

Fantastic, I really enjoyed reading this. Please continue.

"

DaleWinters wrote:

"Sounds like you guys could use a secret hunter!"

Legends beard suddenly sprung in to action and skewered Christ through the face, killing him instantly.

"No, Christ, I think we will be fine without you."

Methinks Christ be not so easily dispatched. 8)

Chapter VI
"A fat chance in hell"

The sewers were not what they expected. It was a long and decently wide corridor with walkways on either sides of the edges with the occasional floor boards to bridge the gaps. Pretty well planned sewer system, it almost seemed like there was a different architecture here than top side.

"What are the chances that the city is built over another civilization?", Beardmaster pondered.

"Its possible, one can assume that the old world had reached a level of advancement before it was destroyed. After all your beard is one such relic of the past.", Legend reasoned.

Further walking up the walkway revealed another door to the next section. There were a few corpses strewn about the place, most possible explanation would be the many tax evaders that dared try to make a living here.

"It's strange that there is no pungent smell here. I imagined a much messier scenario."

"You can thank the old ones yourself for that once we get to the temple. For now watch your back".

Suddenly the closest corpse to the door started moving erratically. Beardmaster and Legend quickly drew their bearded weapons to fend off any attacks.

"Is that corpse..alive?", Legend asked.

"Flank it, I will take the right" Beardmaster ordered.

Upon a closer inspection of the pile of bones and rags, made clear to Legend that there were two rats what seemed to be in a locked struggle. It almost looked like they were...

"Fucking rats..", Beardmaster exclaimed.

Suddenly the lovers realized they had an audience and skittered away into a nearby grate. The duo continued on through the door into the next section and suddenly had the urge to void their bowels. The coppery smell of waste, excrement, and rotting corpses hit them like a brick to the face and they both doubled over trying to hold in their contents in their stomach.

"Yup, That's more like it.", Beardmaster mumbled to himself as he gained his composure.

Apparently they were under one of the city's dump-sites where garbage and the dead were being thrown into a pile directly above. The water was murky reddish brown and cakes of flesh and other wastes floated around aimlessly in the muck.

"This is foul.", Legend exclaimed when suddenly Beardmaster cupped Legend's mouth and told him to listen. There were sounds of heavy movements, slower and heavier than the rats.

"We are not alone, we should move quickly.", Beardmaster whispered.

The way forward was a dead end, filled with pile of waste and dead bodies. There were two exits to the either side of this corridor. The duo started walking towards the exit to the left when suddenly the destination gate burst open showing a haggard looking humanoid dripping in the smelly muck in the water.

"It's him! OMG its HIM!" the figure shrieked with excitement.

Suddenly more humanoid silhouettes formed around the lone figure. "It is him!" they all chimed and the room was suddenly full of exited whispering and chatters.

"Beardmaster we are your biggest fans!", the first exclaimed. "We have read every manuscripts we could get our hands on about your exploits."

"H-how does one get subscription to his work in here?", Legend asked with a confused look.

"The city had gone through a recession a few years a go and many started using existing materials for sanitary uses. There were a good bit of books used during those times and one off use accidentally read of a few lines while they were wiping their ass with it.", the first spoke excitedly.

"It was something other than hunting for rats and tunnel sharks in the water", interjected another.

"Imagine our surprise to see our favorite literary hero in person in front of us", yet another spoke up.

"We want a memento!" someone chanted and there was more hurried whispers.

"I...er..I would love to sign a few autographs for your if you want but there is a price, we would li.."

"Stop right there, written items have lot less value over here. We need something more substantial, how about a piece of your beard hair" another interjected.

Bitch what??!!, the Beardmasters Beard exclaimed in disbelief. Shut up and let me handle this

You won't mutilate me just to gain safe passage from these crusty bastards. Would you?

Don't tempt me Beardmaster thought back.

"Get him!!" Someone exclaimed and suddenly the figures started rushing towards them.

"I want his tongue".

"What about my friend here? He has a legendary beard too.", Beardmaster yelled back running.

"Hey!" Legend yelled.

Suddenly Legend pulled out a ball of hair from his beard and threw it at the chasing mob. There was a flash and the ground erupted with beard like hair rooting several figures to the ground.

One of the humanoids ripped free and pounced on Beardmaster. To which he promptly replied with a stab with his dagger to the schmucks heart. As soon as he went down there were three more surrounding them. Beardmaster went low and sweeped one figure of his feet with a well placed kick to the ankles and followed with a stab to the back of the head.

Legend brought out a bearded sword cut of the other's hand wielding a piece of wood. Now there was only one left, he showed no signs of retreating. Legend threw his sword at the beast but his balance was off and managed to impale the target's foot instead. Beardmaster used the distraction to throw his dagger at the target's throat with blackish blood gushing out from it neck. Legend promptly ran over and retrieved his sword and beheaded the figure with a reversal spin.

"The other door" Legend yelled.

The duo quickly started running across the long way over to door on the right, passing across a fresh mutilated corpse swimming in the fetid water. When something caught Legend's eye over the murky water.

"Gah! its those damned rats again", Legend pointed out as he stumbled.

Apparently the lovers finally found fresh ground to do some more love making. After they were so rudely interrupted by the pair of perverts. Humans won't understand, in this world below, its numbers in family that ensures survival. It was up to them to keep the family name alive and no perverts will deter their future.

The first figure stood atop the corpses of her fallen comrades. They were our heroes... yet they slay us like common beasts and suddenly she let forth a sharp shrilling cry that almost made the duo topple over. Suddenly there were other shrills echoing all over the sewers. Just how many of them were down here?

Legend got to the door first and with a few deft hits with the pommel he managed to get the door open. Unfortunately, there was no walkway here or rather it had eroded over time and had given way.

"We have no choice, swim for it" Beardmaster shouted.

"Oh God no... I can't do..", Legend was cut short as Beardmaster pushed him into the filth and jumped in after.

"Ignore the smell, there is the rest of the walkway to the left. Swim for the ledge!!", Beardmaster yelled.

Legend was too busy wailing in disgust to pay attention. Beardmaster swam for the walkway and started hauling himself up when he heard Legend ask "What are tunnel sharks?".

"I imagine they are vicious shark like fishes that reside in this feces laden pool. Why do you ask?" Beardmaster asked quizzically as he lost a footing and fell flat into the water again.

"Eww, I don't mean to add injury to insult but there are three of them heading straight for you from your right.", Legend gasped as he waded over slowly.

Fuck this Beardmaster thought as he channeled his beard to extend and grab on to the ledge of the walkway and pull himself up. It was painful but quicker and less chances of slipping.

A squad of humanoids managed to kick open the barricaded doorway full of corpses and bones and one got pushed over the edge and into the murk. What luck, the fishes promptly headed for the disoriented fresh meat and begin to dig in.

Legend slowly swam past the flailing hapless dweller as his arm got ripped apart and carried away by one of the sharks to feed on it by itself. Legend channeled his beard to latch on to the ledge like Beardmaster did haul himself up but lost concentration towards the end and just barely grabbed on to the ledge. After helping him up, Beardmaster noticed another door forward to continue through.

As the duo approached the door another humanoid managed to leap and use the wall to extend the leap over to the ledge and give chase. To that Legend responded by taking out a hammer and swinging it as hard as he could across the creatures face, making it spin and fall into the water for the the fishes.

There was a large grate to their side of the wall which seemed to be giving out cool air. Beardmaster instructed legend to take a few whacks at this grate and see where it leads.

"What about the door?" Legend asked as he swung at the grate.

"Do you really want to muck about in this mess any more? I want to get the hell out of this god damned sewers", Beardmaster shouted back.

By this time the figures had brought large poles and laid them across to the ledge to make a makeshift bridge. Clearly they were not as inept as one would think, having to shuffle about in waste day after day.

"There seems to be a small passage upwards."

"Take it", Beardmaster shoves legend in and quickly backhands another approaching humanoid into the water.

"Do you have any more of those bombs??"

"Here, make it count". Legend tosses down a ball that looks like a bundled up wool of hair.

Beardmaster threw the ball at the makeshift bridge and watch the explosion destroy and trap their hapless assailants into the water. With that he ducked into the duct and climbed up to join Legend.

It occurred to him that Legend actually made a fine travelling companion if not for the circumstances that put them together. There might be a way to mend this potential companionship if they can get to some common ground. Although with so much embarrassment it might be much more beneficial to get rid of the only witness. To have seen the man beneath the beard.

Climbing into the new area, Beardmaster promptly makes a bearded hatch and seals the entrance hoping to delay their pursuers till they can figure out an escape plan.

"What the fuck did you say about a messier scenario?!", Beardmaster yelled incredulously as he wiped the cakes of waster from his eyes and rest of his face.

"Oh what the fuck is this..?" Legend said with disdain.

The duo were now in a small cubical room with no distinction to it and no other exit. It was quite clearly a dead end. The walls had a blueish glow to it but nothing much else and it did not seem like a part of the sewers main architecture. This city seems to hold some deep secrets, Beardmaster wondered if the House of Questions ever looked into this city's foundation. It might be something to bring up as leverage for this misunderstanding with the guards. Suddenly there was a blinding flash right behind them.

"Too late you fools. Ahahahahaa" echoed a trailing voice.

"What was that? Did you get a look at who it was"

"no clue. The flash came from the center of the room, there seems to be some sort of markings on the ground. Take a look" Beardmaster beckoned Legend over.

"Huh, these markings are even beyond me. Except it looks like a pentagram of sorts for a ritual" Legend said as he frowned and studied the markings some more.

There was no question the diagram was outlined with blood, likely from one of the natives in the sewers. But unlike the usual over-lapping triangles to form a star, this one was based on overlapping squares with the infinity sumple drawn in the center with lines dividing symbol into halves. In the one of the halves was a fresh bleeding eye, which hinted at it being just recently harvested.

"Whoever did this clearly was not a member of the locals in these parts. My beard is telling me though the eye is from a hog. Its a pigs eye", Legend said bluntly.

"Apparently there exists some very old and powerful teleporting spells using a pigs eye. But the organ should get destroyed in the process. This eye is an extra, probably enchanted with a similar spell." Legend mused.

"Your a pig's eye", Beardmaster muttered as he prodded his beard for more information.

The beard had gone silent before and it was generally an indication of something going awry. This whole expedition started off on bad footing and is only getting worse and this was still all with in the walls of the city. Legend had been getting more used to his beard and the benefits are showing. Its ironic how he has unconsciously assumed leadership of this partnership, him a young whelp infused with thoughts of revenge while He, the Beardmaster cant even get along with his wizened and experienced beard.

Don't tell me you are still angry about that little spat back there. You wanted to take this quest and now we are literally hands and feet deep in shit. Some feedback would be nice , Beardmaster thought.

I just wanted you to see how much of your natural prowess would get you far if I had not used my powers a few times already, The beard thought back.

It was true, generally there is a feeling of confidence when he used his beardly powers but as of late the Beardmaster seemed unsure about relying on his beard explicitly. Maybe he was trying to prove something, that he is not all that useless without his beard. Sadly, he had to agree that if he did not have these powers his adventures would be extremely short-lived.

I am being thrown headlong into chaos on your behalf and you pick this time to have a bitch fit. Maybe you are right, maybe I should just call of this whole mess of an adventure and just tell my fine companion here to put an end to my misery. Or maybe you should grow a pair and help me help you find out the truth.

Fine, you know for a dick you did pretty well handling yourself in an area where conventional rules don't apply. Legend is correct, however the enchantment on this particular eye is different than the one that we saw. I need to touch the eye to see what kind of enchantment it is

"what are you doing?" Legend asked perplexed as the Beardmaster picked up the bleeding eye and thrust it at his beard.

This seems like a vision augment. Ingesting it might provide benefits

"my beard says its a vision enhancement spell. One of us has to eat it", Beardmaster said with a sick look.

"Ok, fuck this, I am going to try for the door down in the sewer." Legend began to look for the hole they had initially climbed through.

"I can't find it."

"Find what?"

"The hole we climbed in from".

The room now looked whole and there was no entry points at all. Clearly this room was magical and did not belong in the sewers. Was it a trap? Is that what the voice meant? Someone seem to know their plan even before they know it. It felt like they were acting out a script in a play. Just what the fuck is going on in here?

"There seems to be illusions enchanted into the walls of this room. I guess I will have to eat that pigs eye." Beardmaster exclaimed.

With that the Beardmaster bit off a piece of the eye and started chewing. A green faced looking legend looked on in disgust. Beardmaster kept chewing loudly.

"Mmm, tastes like chicken" Breadmaster said as he swallowed the eye.

"Your turn".

"No thanks."

"Bro, if you want to get out of here you need to get on board with the plan" Beardmaster explained.

With a sigh, Legend bit off a small piece piece and swallowed it just short of chocking to death. Suddenly they felt mildly relaxed and after a long yawn the room suddenly looked different.

The walls were now blood red and there were was a blue outline glowing at one of the walls about the size of a doorway. This will have to be the way out of this magical room. Beardmaster hoped it didn't lead to more sewers and crazed fans.

"Do you see that?", Beardmaster pointed.

"Yeah. Think its a doorway?" Legend asked.

"Only one way to find out."

Beardmaster put his hands on the blueish glow and it felt solid like a wall should.

This is a high level illusion so it works on more than just the visual senses. Both of you need to charge through if you want to get past it, sudden great pressure will overload the illusion causing it to break

"We should charge in together" Beardmaster replied.

"My beard says otherwise, says its a trick of sorts and a painful one" Legend replied back.

"I say we defer to my beard as it is old and wise. Your beard is a part of mine but you are not yet in total control of it.", Beardmaster argued back.

"Fine then, on the count of three"

"One."

"Two."

"Three."

Both dashed for the doorway where they met with a blinding flash and fell into what seemed like a copy of the same room with a few differences. The blood red tint was replaced with glowing hot coals and the ground was a smoldering rock. In the center where the pentagram had been, there now lay a resplendent chest gold tassels and silver inlaid in a long flowing design. The glow from the walls reflected off the metal inlays giving the chest a sort of firey look.

Without a word Beardmaster went over to examine the chest when suddenly a booming voice erupted.

"Please don't do that"

"Who said that??" Legend yelled.

Suddenly a huge figure appeared behind Beardmasters hunched body. Humanoid would be a gross understatement. This one looked like a pair of testicles with hands portruding from the bottom with a tentacle on the left and a huge club like weapon mounted on the right. The creature did not have a "face" per say but the main sack like body had a long vertical slit down the middle and two pits on the either side that look like burning coal.

"Holy mother of..." Beardmaster exclaimed as he turned around to look at the monstrosity.

Like lighting both channeled their beards to throw projectiles at the monster but they didn't response. There seemed to be a measure of apprehension from the beards to attack on command. So Beardmaster took out his dagger and tried to stab at it.

True enough, the blade struck harmlessly against the soft fleshy testicle like body/face of the creature.

"Will you please stop." it yelled into Beardmaster's mind sending him reeling back.

"Who... what are you?" Legend stammered.

"I am called the "Fat Chance and welcome to hell" it boomed.

"Please, step away from the chest otherwise I will be forced to engage in a more aggressive manner"

"Odd name" Legend remarked.

"My creator had a thing for innuendo's. I exist to guard this chest".

"Where is your creator now?" The Beardmaster asked.

"He died upon giving me my prime directive. I was assigned this directive 1289 days ago", it answered.

"So did he command you to guard the chest or just the contents that resides within?" Beardmaster asked.

"I don't know. He just yelled "my chest" before he died. I assumed he was talking about this chest but he could have easily been talking about his chest since a spear was sticking out of it. I am unsure.", it answered.

"A spear? He was murdered?" Legend asked.

"Yes."

"By Who?" Beardmaster inquired.

"My prime directive is to guard, not identify species. My creator has not given any codecs on species. Suffice to say it goes by the name "collector" and is not you or my master's kind. It has been visiting this lair frequently in hopes of finding a way to open the chest without my know about."

"I have to say for a someone that is to guard a valuable chest, I would imagine you would be a lot more aggressive", Legend remarked.

"I was at first but eventually as time passes I matured in my thought process which allowed me to create certain lee way in the prime directive".

"you are saying you find a way to exploit your duties?", Beardmaster.

"No, I maintain my duties but I am able to ignore certain processes". it corrected.

"Sounds to me like you are just bored of your dead end job bro. Do you know the creator's name?" Beardmaster asked, getting an idea.

"His name was Jay Wilson. He was destined to be a great name in the minds of people. Unfortunately his own confidence and impatience cost him to cut corners and his latest creation was marred with criticisms and disappointment. His supporters turned on him and his name became a local taboo. I wasn't told what his creation was, except that this incident happened long before this civilization came to be."

"Beardmaster, this must be one of the relics from the old world. This Jay Wilson was one of the few left alive who might have known about the temple of planets.", Legend exclaimed.

"Whats in the chest?" Beardmaster asked.

"I know not"

"You mean to tell after 3 and half years of guarding this chest you did not once get curious to see what exactly it is that you are guarding?" Beardmaster asked.

"Yes." it replied.

"Is there anyway to set you free?", Beardmaster asked hoping for an option that did not involve going to war with this monstrosity.

"Since my prime directive was not fully detailed, I believe I would be released from my duties if I were to fail protecting the chest.... hmmm tell you what, why don't I just go over there pretend to make my rounds while you two open the chest and take a peek at whats inside?" It reasoned.

"The chest is unlocked?" Legend asked.

"Yes, my creator was also an admirer of irony.", it answered.

"What would you do if we were to release you?", Beardmaster asked.

"I don't know, maybe find and kill the collector then look for a worthy directive to replace this archaic one.", it replied.

"I guess that's not a bad goal to pursue.", Beardmaster agreed.

So as planned, Fat Chance nonchalantly walked over to inspect a wall while the duo opened up the chest to snatch the contents. Sadly, what lay within was nothing that one would call a reward. All there was, was a soiled and old pair of pants with a disgusting brown stain lining at the back.

"Oh no, I have failed my prime directive" Fat chance said flatly.

"I thank you for my release, I will return you now to where you belong" it said and the world faded to a crackling white.

Beardmaster woke up first and found themselves lying on the floor. The room looked nothing like the one they entered originally. In fact it now looked strangely ordinary, like a part of the sewers, It was still a dead end except for the way they had originally entered.

Eventually both got up and dusted themselves off looking around. Legend noticed that the beard master had a broken nose and a terrible busted lip and he himself was bleeding from his mouth with a few teeth knocked loose but not removed.

"What the hell happened to you?" Beardmaster looked at Legend.

"I would ask you the same" Legend replied.

Both looked at the wall where the entrance to hell was to be but found only a brick wall with two bloody stains. Most likely related to the duo's current injury. There was nothing much else to notice, or the lack of things to notice was something to notice. Either the enchantment wore off or the room just was ordinary or both.

"Well atleast I can see the way we came to this room." Legend said.

"Do you think we ran into this wall? It would explain the injuries", Beardmaster asked.

"But wouldn't that mean that Fat Chance in hell was just a dream? Did you have the same dream?", Legend asked.

"Yes, I can't explain it, it could have been the eye that was playing tricks on us.", Beardmaster tried to reason.

"How does that explain the soiled pants in your hands?", Legend pointed out.

"It doesn't"

Noticing that the soiled and old pants were actually in much better shaped than his current garb. Beardmaster decided to, at least, make use of the "reward" they both risked their sanity for.

"Bro, you look positively repulsive. You seem pretty much offensive to all six senses.", Legend remarked.

"well tough, I got a dry pair of pants and I am using it.", Beardmaster concluded.

Something suddenly caught the duo's eyes. In the middle of the room, where the pentagram should have been, there was nothing but a pool of blood and parts and pieces that would have been somebody at some point, lay about. The ceilings dripped with blood and partial body parts hung and dripped to the ground. Someone had been brutally killed, in the most gruesome manner possible.

Among the mess stood a bloody note. Legend picked it up and started reading it aloud.

"My friends, I am sure you two are questioning your sanity at this moment. Rest assured, your encounter was real and I am finally free. The bloody pieces of meat used to be the "collector", I simply cannot express how cathartic it was to end that miserable curs life. I may have already found a better suited prime directive in doing so. Hope we do not meet again. Not your pal Fat Chance."

"What did we release unto the world Legend?", Beardmaster asked, horrified.

"This can hardly be good".

"If I knew what I know now, I think I would have called it quits and settled for killing you instead. Its too late now, we did what we did and we cannot find him. What we can do is keep on this cursed path we have chosen and I am sure with our luck we will come across Fat Chance again only it would be a less friendly scenario.", Legend explained.

"I hope you are wrong, but you are right. There is nothing that can be done, we still have to find a way out of this sewer and that means going down and dealing with rest of the dwellers", Beardmaster said.

As they climbed down the duct back into the broken walkway. It occurred to them that the sewers were now eerily quite. Upon looking around, the sewers had become a worse nightmare than it originally was. Walls and ceilings were dripping red from intestines and other organs strewn all over the place. There was not even one live dweller to be seen. Once can only surmise that Fat Chacne had passed through and he was not kidding about enjoying killing/

"Oh my God.", Legend whispered.

"Well at least we have a clear path now. lets go see what's behind door number three" Beardmaster chimed.