A good story

And there it was... the ideal threat. Like a bad cliche`, it glided closer to reveal its monstrous self.

It was a curious looking creature to say the least. The size of an Ox and what seemed to be its wings or fins in this case spread up to 2 ft wide. The creature looked like a giant slug but with huge ostrich like legs and a sharp spear for a tail which was capable of piercing at least a 10 inch iron steel shield. Its head resembled that of a raven but the eyes were milky dead and instead of feathers there were pustules and disgusting lesions all over its leathery body that gave off slime that can be used to incapacitate targets for the impaling. A vicious predator and expert at maneuvering in the air, this beast is also a formidable foe on the ground. The duo knew this creature to be...

"IT's MY-WIFE!!", Legend panicked.

"Hah!", Beardmaster blurted.

"I-I mean, shit!", he corrected himself.

Now, Blight-Wife or the more popular name, based on a long running joke about a granite hauler's wife, "My-wife" hunt in packs, however, they always like to claim the prize themselves before calling in to split the loot. Two hapless humans sticking out of the water just ripe for the picking, this was a no-brainer.

The creature glided further down and raised its harpoon like tail for the attack. It swept down with astonishing speed and took a swipe at the Beardmaster but missed. No matter, it will only get accurate with each try.

Legend's focus was suddenly distracted by the sudden realization that the water around him once again went warm.

It does feel pretty good the beard thought back. He decided to ignore it.

"Stop gawking and do something Beardmaster.", he yelled for more that one reason.

"You married her! YOU do something", Beardmaster accused back.

"Seriously, we need a plan.", Legend said as he dodged the second attempt by the blight-wife.

Beardmaster started looking around for options when his beard suggested something to him which seemed unlikely but what the hell.

"My beard is telling me that we should try to use the beast. It's our best bet out of this", Beardmaster lied.

That is actually a good idea bro Legend's beard thought back to him.

The blightwife was circling around for a third attempt. They were almost at the edge of the water fall and it was a nasty drop indeed. There were debris and other sharp objects in the water below, compliments of the grungy river that connects to it. This had to be timed perfectly or they were both going to find out exactly what is at the bottom of the waterfall.

The creature dove in once again, they both dodged to the either side and then quickly extended their beard's length, looping it around each one of the monsters legs.

Surprised and alarmed at the hitchhikers, the beast started trashing around wildly but to no avail. Beardmaster took this time to use his beard knife and stab it deep into the creatures thigh to anger a holding spot.

"Good Idea", Legend said as he was about to do the same but almost lost balance thanks to the
pained convulsions of the beast.

Beardmaster quickly channeled his beard to shoot darts at the still trailing Blightmonger to avoid needless complications to a barely formed plan. Eventually the beast moved away from the fall and further into the badlands, leaving the Blightmonger far behind.

You live this day beast, Beardmaster thought as he no longer saw the bug.

It had to get rid of the extra weight. Some dry land would allow it to better deal with this nuisance.

"We have to get of this bastard before it lands or we are fucked.", Beardmaster cautioned.

"Well then its time for an emergency crash landing.", Legend said with an evil grin and promptly pulled out a sharp bearded blade and started hacking away at the creatures foot.

"Aah!", Beardmaster agreed catching on and started hacking away at the other foot.

The Blight-wife was writhing in pain and was quickly losing altitude. It was gaining momentum as it descended. The beast's legs were barely attached, with blood gushing out and a few strands of sinew holding the appendages together, the two waited for the last second before the final chop.


There was a sharp snap and a blood curling scream when the two fell to the ground. As they duo fell they got sprayed with black ichor from the stumps as the beast flew a few feet away and crashed into a nearby tree.

The two got up looked at each other and then slowly started walking over to the hapless monster. They dropped the Blight-wife's limbs they were still holding on to for some reason and then reached into their beards. The two walked up to their target real slow, like death covered in their would-be predator's blood. There were no expression, no words. Just a slow determined walk forward with their heavy bearded double axes.

It was ironic how a predator, a stalker that would cast its huge shadow bringing fear to any on the path. It was now flailing for its life as the two bearded figures of death cast their shadow on the best.

The beast swung at Legend with its sharp fins to which he deftly dodged when suddenly Beardmaster came from the side and viciously hacked into its fin with his axe. The axe bit deep and stayed there as more ichor flowed out. The Blightwife shrieked in pain and flung Beardmaster away.

Legend had by that time crept up to the creatures back and hack into the creatures back. It shook with pain and was stunned for a few moments. It was long enough for legend to pull out his axe and quickly defend against a strike from its tail. Beard master deftly pulled out a greatsword and threw it at the tail with as much focus his beard could muster. The blade impaled the spear to the ground giving Legend enough time to bring the axe over his head with both hands and do a beard augmented leap slam in between a creatures eyes. There was a small explosion and brain matter splattered all over legend.

"Now that's what I call an Annulment.", Beardmaster said with a grin.

Legend stopped reveling in the brutality of the mutilated corpse, wiped off the grin of satisfaction from his face and blankly stared at the Beardmaster for a second... and then promptly decked him in the face.

"Thats for the over active bladder."

"We should have never taken the sewers. This whole adventure is a disaster. Are we even in the right direction? We have taken every single idiotic mo..." stopped short as a rock hit him in the face.

"Are you done panicking?", Beardmaster asked as he picked himself up.

"That little stint just made sure every other Blightmonger and Blightwife to come for us. We need to find somewhere to lay low.", Beardmaster said.

More screeches were soon heard and at a distance, two more Blight-wifes were approaching. The duo started moving deeper into the badlands territory, during the day you might as well call it suicide.

The badlands, they were the lands that only a few select sects of people in all of civilization dared travel. They were lands that parents threatened their misbehaving children with to guarantee compliance. Nobody in their fucking minds went willingly into the bandlands. Beardmaster and Legend weren't nobody, nor were they somebody, they both understood, as they walked boldly through the poisonous dangervines native to the badlands, that this land needed fear them. Not the other way around.

"Watch your flank", Beardmaster whispered to Legend, "The native Jabroni's are sneaky motherfuckers"

Legend cringed and spoke in a sullen tone, "My father used to tell us stories about the Jabroni's, but I never thought they were based in truth."

"No story could do justice", Beardmaster frowned, "To the truth that lies beyond the outskirts of these parts. I have been here before."

"No shit, you've been everywhere, captain champion of everything"

"Shut up man, I thought we were past this"

"We will be passed it when your life passes away, Beardmaster", Legend bore his pristine teeth at Beardmaster.

Beardmaster sighed, stopped, and turned to legend, "Seriously man? I need to know, right here, right now, are you serious? I mean I was sort of hoping after all this shit we could work past you wanting to kill me."

"What? Like you aren't planning to off me when this is all over?"

"You know man", Beardmaster said, "I don't know any more."

"Well I do", Legend had stopped as well and had his chin up at Beardmaster, "All this journeying doesn't change the fact that you ruined my life."

"How exactly is it ruined?", Beardmaster laughed, "Here you are, strong, competent, and on a journey to exact secrets that no man still living could possibly know. Who knows, maybe your time is yet to come."

Legend thought for a moment, absent mindedly stroking his beard, "I've missed so much, is the slew of my disgrace. You don't even know, Beardmaster, you couldn't possibly.."

Beardmasters tone increased in seriousness, "Can't I? You think my life is so blessed? Didn't you hear the stories of what happened to my parents? Villains slew them just to get at me, and so violently, without even leaving me the chance to save them. It's not like the childhood stories would claim, there are dark people in this world that cannot be reasoned with. I have seen into their souls as I see into yours. Yours is not the same. I see good in you, Legend."

Legend turned and looked to the ground, "What good could be left, after a life so dismissed?"

Beardmaster suddenly grabbed the man by the shoulders and shook him vigorously, "What could? What could not!? It boils me to rage to see you dismiss yourself so! How can you claim yourself finished when this very moment screams otherwise?"

"How so?"

Beardmaster came to a dead still and looked Legend square in the eye, "My friend, and i emphasize friend! We may be on our way to the single most important discovery of our time. Stand with me, and we could change the course of history."

"

DaleWinters wrote:

Legend turned and looked to the ground, "What good could be left, after a life so dismissed?"
Beardmaster suddenly grabbed the man by the shoulders and shook him vigorously, "What could? What could not!? It boils me to rage to see you dismiss yourself so! How can you claim yourself finished when this very moment screams otherwise?"

The other guy doesn't have this content.....
Are these not the drunken outpourings of this mans soul? Truly a thing of beauty to behold... Whatever his shortcomings in form and structure in this story he more than doubly makes up for it with sheer heart! And then doubles it again for good measure....

Beardmaster heaved a sigh of truth and held the moment as Legend held his gaze. They were two men of Planet, but held a silent understanding between them that Planet was not of their own blood.

"Beardmaster..", Legend pounded Beardmasters fist like a boss, "Lets do this shit."

"Like, for reals?"

"For reals."

"I was hoping you'd say that. Can we finally put all this shit behind us?"

"For now", Legend smiled, no homo, "and forever!"

They did an awesome high five that lit up the sky with awesomeness.

"Oh shit!", Beardmaster suddenly realized that their high five had been too awesome, "We have to hide!"

"Jabroni's?", Legend whispered in a scary way.

"They saw that for sure!"

But it was too late.

"MOTHERFUCKERS DONT FUCKING MOVE!", came a voice from the bushes. Oh FUCK!

whooops I didn't see the latest post. I will wait till you are done. Just make sure they don't reach the city yet or leave the badlands.

im done for today, go hard man!

all out of absinthe lol

"Get out of the damned bushes with your hands up.", The leader of the pack yelled.

Beardmaster sighed and nodded to Legend then they stepped out slowly with their hands raised. There were at least sixteen of the bastards with four crossbows trained at them. There are probably two more in the back. The rest stood at the ready with spears and swords. Some of them crudely fashioned out of tree branches and others were robbed from some local caravans at night.

The pack leader was a tall dark man with braided dark hair and an angry scarred visage. This man had seen some fierce battle, without the added advantage of a beard, these fellows had to survive the harsh wilder-lands relying on their skills and natural prowess. It would be best to avoid fighting as much as possible.

"Well, well we have us a couple o exiles Boris.", One of the crossbow men sneered.

"We are not exiles, just men in need to be someplace else.", Legend blurted.

"Where would that be then?", he asked.

"Wouldn't matter, you need the proper tools to find it.", Beardmaster reassured.

"Try us, we have all the tool we need.", the crossbowman smirked pointing at his codpiece.

"Grohm, enough." The man named Boris said finally after being silent all this while.

"Fasten them up, Dade might want to have some words with them."

The duo were tied to a long pole which were supported by two spear-men with two crossbowmen trained their bows at them from either side. Clearly these men had some strategy. Maybe this Dade person might be willing to strike a deal. After, what seemed like a short walk up a hill, they were taken into a mid sized camp with fire piles giving out black billowing smoke all over. Legend noticed a charred hand in one the piles. The ground was stained in relatively fresh blood.

Apparently this camp belong to some other tribe. The huge burning pile of bodies in the center of camp proved that. There were still men going through the smaller tents ransacking whatever they could find. The man that had his back turned, ever vigilant over the burning fire must be Dade. He wasn't as tall as this man called Boris but he looked to be made of solid stone with necklaces made of fingers and two twin swords on his waist. He also had the most pristine looking armor compared to the rest of the crew, with ceremonial tattooes adorning th-"

Oh my god, stop eyeing the dude like he is a hot piece of ass. No one cares, the beard sharply interjected which made Beardmaster stumble a bit.

Finally, they stopped. Boris walked over and whispered something to Dade and after musing at the fire for a few minutes he walked up to the duo.

"Gentlemen, my name is Marion Dade. Welcome to my camp. You have already met my man Boris and that's the rest of the men.", He said with an absent wave.

"Boris tells me you claim not to be exiles but yet you look every bit as one. Perhaps you are fugitives? Which is it? Why are you still alive? Are there more out ther..", Dade suddenly stopped short, composed himself and spoke again.

"Sorry, I seem to have gotten ahead of myself. We are not used to doing formal greetings much", He apologized.

Bitch, we have been escorted into prison with more class than this, his beard thought back.

"So then lets have it, its pointless but your names, please.", demanded impatiently.

"I am called Beardmaster and this is my lackey Legend.", Beardmaster said flatly.

"I am not your lackey, asswipe.", Legend retorted.

"Enough, if you are not exiles then what would worth so much to risk your fool necks out here in the day time. By the looks and smell of it you two have been to the sewers. What sort of name is Beardmaster and Legend.", Dade asked.

"Mine is no name, its a title.", Beardmaster said proudly.

There was a short silence when the one called Grohm started laughing and then the rest of men around burst into laughter as well.

"Beardmaster? What is that a fancy barber title? Did you slit open some officials throat by accident and are on the run?", Dade asked impatiently.

Nobody had noticed Boris slip away during the commotion which is why it made for a startling scene when he reappeared behind Dade to whisper into his ear. Whatever the news was it wasn't good. The smirk on Dade's face faded as his man filled him in. After Boris finished Dade returned to the duo.

"What the fuck did you two do? There are two really pissed of Blight-Wifes on their way.", Dade demanded angrily, dropping all notion of civility.

"We survived. It was either kill or be killed so we chose our own lives.". Legend retorted.

"Get all your rice-o-roni Jabronis to prepare for arms. We have a fight coming our way.", Dade barked orders left and right.

Meanwhile Beardmaster and Legend were trying to plan their escape. A cowardly act for those equipped with legendary weapons such as they. But why get in the middle of a sausage fest unless you are looking to get duct and fucked.

Boris escorted the two into a small tent where they were bound to the pole. They protested and made a lot of compelling arguments but Boris would have none of it. After 12 years of faithful service to his leader, he is not about to break tradition now. But faced with these beast and losing men during this morning raid reduced their chances of survival. Boris backhanded the one called Legend across the face to stop his glaring out burst. It didn't help.

"Someone shut the window, I think I just felt a breeze.", teased Legend, spitting blood out from his reopened bloody lip.

We are in a tent bro... there are no windows, the beard pointed out confused.

Not the point.

Boris for a second, tensed and flicked his right arm, which was suddenly retracting from Legend's stomach, knocking the wind out of his lungs and almost collapse to the ground. He wasn't talking so big now. From teary eyes he saw Boris twitch with satisfaction for a second and then went back to his stoic self.

"I can go much worse than that, pretty girl, but Dade would want you unhurt if the need comes for a sacrifice.", he said.

"Boris you fat fuck, stop eyeing the masters whores and get out there.", Grohm stormed in.

"They called in reinforcements man, we need everybody on the battle field."

Just then Dade walked into the tent, he was covered in black ichor and a solid gash across his chest.

"Boris get out there and do what you can. We took two of those bastards down but the last one called in back up so we have three more incoming. I need a minute to talk to our guests here.", Dade panted with raggedy breath.

Boris and Grohm quickly exited the tent leaving the leader of the Jabroni alone with the two adventurers.

"You really fucked things up for us here. Now you say you slayed one of these all by yourselves?" He asked.

"Well the situation was to our favor at the time.", Beardmaster tried to protest.

"I am not in the habit of using prisoners for help but under the circumstances dire exceptions are to be made.", Dade explained cutting off their binds.

"Now I want you two to watch my flank as we head out. If we survive this I will make sure you are only killed slowly. You won't be raped before or after you are dead, you have my word." Dade promised.

"What the hell kind of deal is that?", Beardmaster exclaimed.

"The best kind friend, I assure you. Look around, is this what we should strive to be? Is it any different in the City? This land, this very foundation is laid upon blood upon torment upon blood. Life is fucked, the world is screaming stop and yet we go on oblivious of what happens. Now we pay for our hubris with these things picking us off like cattle. Wouldn't a glorious death by my hand be a mercy to you wretched souls? This is how the world ends friend, we die fighting these fucks or we die killing our own.", Dade rambled. Clearly the meeting face to face with his mortality has unnerved him.

Dade handed them both crossbows before they set out. Legend and Beardmaster exchanged glances.

"Fucker's lost it, we need to take him out.", Legend whispered.

"I am no good with ranged weapons, its up to you to take a clean shot at the bastard. He needs to go down quick and without any noise.", Beardmaster whispered back.


Then they were outside running headlong across the field behind Dade. Dade was too busy shouting and riling up men against the oncoming onslaught of Blight-Wifes. Beardmaster, pretended to do as instructed and started taking pot shots at one of the beasts. Legend slowly and carefully cocked his crossbow and aimed at Dade's head. He focused hard trying to remember his renegade days of training, he held his breath and on the count of three pulled the trigger and missed.

"Fuck,". Legend squeaked. As he saw Dade turn to him.

Dade saw an arrow whiz by his left side and quickly doubled back to Legend trying to choke him to death. Legend let out a shriek of terror as he struggled to breathe. Dade had a crazed look in his eye that had desperation written all over it. Suddenly he, fell over to reveal Beardmaster standing directly behind him with his crossbow raised. But Dade didn't go down entirely, he managed to get back up and connect with a powerful left uppercut to Beardmaster's jaw. Him being no Chuck Norris, Beardmaster collapsed to the ground a few feet away. Legend suddenly wrapped the length of his beard around Dade's neck from behind and tried to strangle him.

"How does that feel, slut?", Legend growled into his ear.

"Feels good" Dade growled back as he cocked his head back and hit Legend in the nose. His grip on the beard loosened but somehow the it still remained tensed around his neck. Dade managed to twist himself to face Legend and doe a series of punches to Legend's chest followed by a powerful reversal thrust kick which sent him flying. Beardmaster popped up behind the warrior and clubbed him in the back of his hamstring which put him to his knees. Legend got out his club and swung it into Dade's face, finally ending the fight.

"He is just unconcious, we can carry him to the tent and ask him a few questions. Make sure no one saw us. This was a lot messier than what I had in mind.", Legend instructed.

"That's the principle beauty and curse of life. Nothing is ever exact." Beardmaster replied.

Back in the tent they tried to wake the leader from his slumber. There was no water or smelling salts around so the next best thing was to pee on the bastard. It had everything, salt, smell, water etc. Plus Beardmaster realized he hadn't had the chance to empty his "flask" in a bit.

"Wha-, what?? I will kill you limey fucks.", Dade threatened as he came to. Realizing the strong musty smell and warm wetness on his face as Beardmaster ruffled his pants.

"Easy Dade, we are trying to be civil here. We are not used to doing formal greetings much", Legend mocked.

"Where are your mounts?" Beardmaster asked.

"My wha?"

"Horses, you know animals used to traverse the lands faster.", Beardmaster mocked.

Dade let out a hoarse laughter at the request which had the two exchange confused glances.

"A little further up the back of this tent will lead you to what you seek.", Dade said cryptically.

This bitch is toying with us. It has to be a trap, Beardmaster's beard reasoned.

I know but I am in no mood to play good cop, bad cop with this guy. Plus I think Dade will find new appreciation for us once we show him our ace in the hole, Beardmaster thought back.

"Legend check outside the tent to see how bad it is. If possible we can sneak by the back. I will start cutting out an exit.", Beardmaster told his companion.

"What about Dade?"

"We take him with us for now. I want to be sure we have some leverage in-case its a trap."

Legend nodded then peered out of the flaps to see the result. The one called Boris was hanging from a spear that was jutting out of the side of a Blight-Wife while the other men started hacking away at the fins and tail. A small contingent of bloodied men passed by their tent rejoining Boris and his forces.

"Nigga if I survive this do you know how much drugs I am gonna do? How many bitches I am going to rape? I am going to appreciate life more for the finer things..", Legend heard one of the soldiers say as they marched by.

"The coast is clear but I would advise taking the back exit." Legend said.

Dade was still chuckling, as if he had heard the world's funniest joke.

As they made it up the hill behind the detainment tent, there were two wagons filled with butchered pieces of horses guarded by two spider like creatures that had shaggy fur all over their legs and body. Gobbledygook they were called. The bloodhounds for the Jabronis. Legend and Beardmaster didn't waste anytime as they moved into action to take out these mid sized beasts. Dade left alone, crumbled to the ground laughing harder than ever.

The duo pulled each pulled out a fat bearded spear and threw it at one of the Gobbledygooks. The spear skewered the beast through and the second went through parallel to the first. After a few seconds the spears exploded into tiny shards that crated an explosion as well as pepper the other beast with millions of paper cuts that made it bleed to death even before reaching the duo.

When they returned to dade, he was still laughing.

"What's so funny Marion?" Beardmaster asked.

"Whats funny? We train and live our lives in this harsh wilderness, I have led my men for almost 20 years and I am their leader. Now that my men are getting slaughtered by things that never should have been, where is their great fearless leader? On his knees, kidnapped by the one responsible for this chaos, about to be killed like some helpless girl. It's a joke... its all a fucking joke.", He scoffed, laughing even harder.

"Don't you fools get it? There are no horses. Its fresh meat, something that is rare to find out here. You are all fucked. That is why we fight, we can't out run them.", Dade explained.

"We will take our chances. You would be surprised how resilient we can be.", Legend spoke.

"I should be with my men dammit. Either kill me now or let me go and join my men in a glorious death. Just don't bore me to death with your prattle.", Dade shouted.

"You don't deserve the honor. The people you have killed..". Legend said bitterly.

"Don't you get it? Here there are no rules of civility. You cut your losses and you move on. everything else is just resource. What point is there to retain your civil sensibilities when the rules of that system don't apply?", Dade asked.

"We are here to change the whole world if possible.", Legend blurted. "It would be a fools errand to cleanse the world full aberrations, one area at a time. Problems like these need to be thought on a more global scale. Right now we are on a quest for the ultimate truth of origin of such an artifact." Legend explained.

Beardmaster stopped scrubbing his beard and took a deep sigh before he cut Dade's binds off.

"You are letting me go? Why?", Dade asked perplexed.

"Yes, why?" Legend added.

"Our goal is greater that this fight and so we must use methods that are not native to our nature. But what we are trying to find will change the way the world works Dade. You have no such goals and while you are a foul man you are a warrior shaped by this land and I respect that. I don't think you or your men will survive this battle so the least I can do is let you fight and get your ass kicked beside your men if that is what honor means to you. But know this, pray we never cross paths again because if we do, I will make sure even hell won't accept you.", Beardmaster threatened.

Dade took a few steps backwards and then turn around and broke into a full blown sprint. The duo took this opportunity to sneak past the corpses of Gobbledygooks oozing snot green and puss white slime.

"Let's move, the day is long and we have a lot of land to cover. The further away we are from this place the better.", Beardmaster said as they started jogging in the other direction.

*******************************************************************************

There was no more battle left. The whole campsite was covered in blood and pieces of limbs of both his men and the Blight-wife beasts. There was a third party that arrived late to the party but annihilated other player in the field. His pack of the most capable men gone in a blink of an eye. He was too late.

Dade had to find Boris. His only loyal friend, he never questioned always followed orders to the letter. Replacing him might not be possible.

"Dade? Your alive?", a familiar voice spoke.

Dade knelt by the closest piece of a Jabroni chest and picked up a dagger. He slowly turned to see his fellow "survivor".

"You were hiding in that tree Grohm?", Dade asked.

"Aye, things got a little too dicey and I had to take cover.", Grohm said quickly.

"Boris?"

"He took out another two after he dangled from a spear from the first one. I lost track of him after. I had to retreat when I saw a bright blinding flash." Grohm said nervously.

"Flash?"

"Yeah, it was big. It was like a large lighting bolt only it didn't come from no sky. It just started in the middle. A few of the beasts and our men got cut in half and fried as it began. After that I pissed my pants and ran as far as I could.", he admitted.

"You didn't even bother helping your men when you saw the massacre? You were always sneaky one Grohm." Deade sneered grabbing Grohm by the neck and putting a knife to his throat.

"No Marion, please. Ye said it yerself. We look out for one another but above all else we look out for our selves. If I was a complete coward I would have ran already. Taken whats there to be looted and left. I didn't, I stayed and I looted of-course, I am a bloody thief. But I didn't abandon ye.", Grohm pleaded with a feeble voice as he slowly felt Dade's steel grip tighten.

Dade exhaled and then let go of Grohm's wiry neck. Whatever else he might be, Gorhm was a useful scout and assassin in desperate cases. Things were as desperate as they could get.

"I need to find Boris if he still lives, or bury whats left of him.", Dade walked off lookng across the bloody graveyard.

Not too far there was a corpse of two Blight-wifes with six of his men piled together. The ones on top were nearly shredded to pieces. The ones below were still semi in tact. Suddenly a bloody arm jutted out and tried to grasp the air. It was missing a thumb and a pinkie but mostly still whole. Dade started to dig and found it to be his old mate still holding onto life of what little there is left.

"Dade, you made it." Boris said.

"Aye, I did."

"Bellos was right. It still feels like its there. heh." Boris said moving his left thigh which ended right where his knee should be.

Examining his comrade further he realized that there was a whole side of his chest ripped open. His injuries were fatal. What in the fucking hell did this?

"So whats next?", Boris asked feebly.

"I bury you, then I round up the remaining men at the other camp and the hounds and go after those two fucks.", he replied softly.

"Good. I would have liked to seen them die bloody.", Boris coughed.

"Grohm survived too.", Dade said in a low voice.

"Ohh, the rats always survive don't they?", he coughed.

"heh, they do."

After a pause...

"So.."

"So..?!"

"We are going to need to raid caravans even harder.", Boris said.

"Yes it will take a while.", Dade sadly agreed.

"Make sure you make an army this time. Also lay off the rice or you will become a total Jabroni one day. heh." with a final sigh boris lay lifeless with a blank stare looking through and beyond Dade with a slight smile.

Dade was never a part of the Jabroni. In-fact it was his great grandfather that kicked their lazy, "live for the moment" hippie asses into gear and formed, for a time, the fiercest bandit group there was. His blood line belonged to an exile, a title that is to be feared in this land. For they are men that dream with open eyes during the day and would try to make it a reality however, they can.

His lineage held true, he won the Rice-o-roni contest hands down. He had robbed the most caravans and tenderized a live horse to death with a pineapple while on five different drugs and stimulants. He had done them all and was the uncontested leader. yet here all that proved nothing. Boris had been his best friend. They had tried to kill each other several times, killed each others relatives but neither of them could get the an advantage over the other. Respect was the next logical step, they would shank each other politely, even have a pleasant talk while eating together, which always ended in a bloody battle. In the end it just boiled down to how many men each side had. Dade had three more and so was in charge. He didn't even know if he would be as loyal if the roles were reversed but it doesn't matter. He was gone and now there is nothing but finding the way back.

With that Dade began to dig a grave for his fellow brother in arms. After what seemed like a long time, the deed was done. Grohm was behind Dade as he paid his final respects. Suddenly there was a sudden tingling sensation that made Dade's neck hair stand up. What could he do? He was, for some reason, more afraid than he ever had been. He dare not turn around Grohm might already be dead.

"Hello Marion..", A booming voice cut through all the noise in Dade's head...


***********************************************************************************

The couple had been traversing the badlands for some time now. Either it was just dumb luck or sheer stupidity on their pursuers part that they were able to evade them for this long. There should have been more trailing soon. This was perfect! Stuck in the badlands during high noon, covered in excrement with a partner on a period and most of all no mounts. Why, oh why does the day seem longer when everything is going to shit.

Legend was up ahead scouting, he had been oddly silent since they had their last squabble. It had occurred to the Beardmaster earlier that his new "friend", despite his competence, was fresh to the game. Most of his outlooks, while noble, seemed to have a very naively expected outcome with not much room for contingencies. While he was able to perform, the man could not keep his trap shut shit hit the ceiling.

What a fag. his beard thought to him.

"Over here, you need to see this.", Legend called out.

"What is it?", Beardmaster asked as he walked up.

"Nice, dead-end eh?", he sighed.

The duo had come across a massive cliff wall. They needed to find a way around it or at least on to it. Legend was still looking at a wall directly ahead. It didn't seem particularly special besides the husk of a dead Gobbledygook. Wierd spider like hounds that the Jabroni's use to sniff out targets for their shenanigans.

There is something to that wall there. Let me commune with my bro, bro

"We need to touch beards, he wants to know what his bro knows.", Beardmaster said flatly.

"How about you just ask me eh? I am not too fond of that touching. Personal space and all that you understand.", Legend explained.

Without waiting for a reply Legend laid down his findings like a heavy handed slap. The wall was just a well detailed illusion that probably led to an entrance of a cave. Someone must be inhibiting it and knows about the arcane arts. Perhaps an exile? The two had heard about the "extreme justice" the city had to pull once or twice, at least in public. Cast out of the city walls to survive these cursed land.

"We must be careful now, if it is an exile as you say, chances are he has gone insane living out here. No sane man can go on out here.", Beardmaster cautioned.

"No sane ordinary man, you mean.", Legend corrected.

"Eh?"

"This man either was skilled in the arts or he was a collector. Or both? From what I understand it is a complex but a weaker one. Weaker than the one we "ran" in to, heh.", Legend explained further.

Beardmaster could hear his beard give out an evil chuckle when Legend mentioned the "illusion" on the wall that was the entrance to "hell" as Fat Chance put it.


Real shoddy imagination on the creators part don't you think?, the beard interjected.

Once we get to a safe zone, we are going to have words, hair., he thought back.

"...Point is that whoever is in there will know a lot about these parts, lot more than we do. Maybe even get shelter till night before we venture out furth-", Legend was still rambling on about why its an illusion. When Beardmaster stopped him with a wave of a hand and picked up a rock and threw it at the wall.

Beardmaster nodded when the rock didn't bounce off the surface off the wall. He then turned to legend to see satisfaction on his face.

"Now I have nothing against the wall being clearly illusory but consider the implications of being an exile. Capital punishment is death, whoever he is had a lot of money to bribe an official to keep his neck in tact. But what is such a man capable of? Maybe he is dead and the place could be rampant with Gobbledygooks. Do you really want to risk it knowing that?", Beardmaster reasoned.

Legend stopped scrubbing his beard and without a word proceeded to walk into the wall with a smile. Two minutes later he regained consciousness on floor with a bloody lip. Beardmaster appeared winded and refaced and clearly trying to suppress a chuckle and struggling hard. That was good entertainment, Lord knows he needed one where he wasn't next in line to be the target.

"You missed.", he said feebly, still catching his breath while Legend picked himself up bloody and red faced with embarrassment. Somewhere in there, his beard was yelling at him for ignoring his instructions. Beardmaster could tell since Legend was rigidly silent, dusting himself off and getting more and more red faced.

Beardmaster also found something in one of his coat pockets. The pigs eye or what was left of it. Legend knew right away what it was.

"You still have it?", he exclaimed.

"Thought it might come in hand, didn't think it would be this soon."

"You are not really going to eat that? There are some terrible side effects to ingesting stale organs.", Legend cautioned.

"I am not about to walk into a Goddamned wall.", Beardmaster retorted.

"Besides I am testing a theory."

"What theory?".

"In due time friend. It's still premature.", Beardmaster said.

"Yeah, just like you." Legend replied wryly.

"Shut it.", Beardmaster said and with that he gobbled up the filthy tiny piece of the eye.

"Wow that is foul.." Beardmaster exclaimed.

"Oh you have no idea.", Legend assured him.

A minute or two later Beardmaster's nagging suspicions proved correct. He could see the entrance clearly now and it was a crudely formed hole. Legend had just managed to miss the entrance by an inch from where he left his bloody mark on the wall. The color of the illusion was also a bright pink instead of the stark blue that he had seen in the sewers. There was no question, his beard had lied to him about the whole entrance.

"Lets go see what fresh hell awaits us." Beardmaster beckoned Legend to follow his lead as they walked deeper into uncharted territory.


******************************************************************

You two have different styles, both thoroughly entertaining :)