A good story

"I will show you. Take a look at this", Legend said as he moved towards his stash back in the corner. He knelt down and removed a large rolled up piece of paper. After proceeding back to where Beardmaster was standing, he unrolled it to reveal a large, detailed map of Planet.

"It looks like a map", Beardmaster mocked.

"There is more to it. Let me explain. When I first stole your beard I was disheartened to find it completely benign. No matter what commands I uttered or what magic I tried, it gave no indication of activating. In my final desperation, I decided to make the long and arduous journey here."

"The archives of Omen", Beardmaster nodded as Legend pointed to a spot near the top of the map, "I know it well. I have quested many a lost tome for the Omen Lord."

"It was my first journey that far north. The chilling cold chilled my bones until they were cold, and chilled. I didn't know if I would last the journey, but I knew that if there was an answer, it must lie there."

"The Omen Lord knows my beard well. Certainly he did not aid you!"

"Correct. It would have been unwise to reveal my true intent, so I posed as a scholar researching the history of Planet - a ruse which, it would appear, was not far from the truth. The map I hold before you, I found on the tenth day of my study. Note the writing along the edges."

Beardmaster pulled the map closer to his face, "It is like nothing I have seen on all of Planet."

"Look closer, and you may see it as I have seen."

Beardmaster eyed Legend dubiously, judging his intent, and then pulled the map even closer to his face. As his beard made contact with the map, it gave of a mean hissing noise and a pale blue aura began to glow from the point of contact.

Beardmaster was taken aback, "The fuck?"

"Watch", Legend smiled.

From where his beard had touched the map, the pale blue hue began to emanate outwards towards the edges. As it crossed slowly over the surface of the map it began to reveal something drawn beneath the surface, another map, different, but distinctly similar. Moments later the aura reached the edge and then dissipated as rapidly as it had appeared.

"My god", Beardmaster said in disbelief, "Is this what I think it is?"

"Indeed, it is a map of ancient Planet. The planet before Planet."

"

The planet before Planet.

Holy fuck.

Beardmaster looked up and met Legends eyes, both understanding the significance of this discovery.

"There may well be less than a dozen maps of old Planet in existence", Beardmaster noted, "I am more than certain that even the Omen Lord did not know about this."

Legend nodded, "He couldn't have. As you have seen, only the power of your beard can activate it."

"But why?"

"The writing around the edge of the map", Legend explained, "It is the language of the old world. It is a language very few can read."

Beardmaster knew where the man was going with this, "But your family, the lineage of Legend dates back farther than the historians can determine. You can read this, can't you?"

"Indeed", Legend smiled, "The language has been passed down throughout the ages, every Legend is taught to read and speak it."

"What does it say?"

Legend pointed to the various symbols across the map, "You see these markings? They are repeated along the edges of the map - the writing is a legend, describing important locations of ancient Planet."

Beardmaster raised his eyebrows, "What does this have to do with me?"

Fair epic

Suddenly Christ bursted through the cave wall with a super blast.

"Haha Beardmaster, I was following you and you led me to great secrets."

Beardmaster raised his brow, "How long have you been following me?"

"Twelve years."

Beardmaster sighed, "What? You mean last time when I told you to stop you didn't stop at all?"

"Who the hell is this guy?", Legend eyed the newcomer.

"Jeff Christ, secret hunter extrordinaire, at your service", Christ struck an awesome pose.

Beardmaster threw his beard dagger and pinned the man against the cave wall, "Listen Christ. I am only going to tell you this once, if you ever show your face to my face again I will cut your face off."

"Poppycock!", Christ laughed, "I am destined to join your team so we can hunt the treasures of the old world!"

"Fuck sake", Legend interrupted, "These secrets were for Beardmasters ears only."

Beardmaster thought for a moment, pointed at Christ menacingly, then turned to Legend, "Fuck this guy, what does this have to do with me?"

"It has everything to do with you. This map was beard activated so that only a certain group of super heroes could activate it", Legend replied.

"Super heroes?"

"This location", Legend pointed at a spot on the map, "It is labled as the secret base of League of Extraordinary Beardmen. I have traveled there, dug deep into the surface of the earth and gained access to this long lost place. It was there that I learned to transfuse the beard to my own face. Beardmaster, their secrets match what your beard can do to a tee. Certainly the answer to all of this lies there."

"Aha!", Christ suddenly spat, still pinned to the wall, "You guys! Imagine the greatness we can bring to mankind, to bring the secrets of Beardmastery back to Planet!"

"Shut it Christ!", Beardmaster threw a rock at his face, "Legend, are you saying there were many beardmasters long ago?"

"Hundreds.", Legend smiled, "They used their power to bring justice to old Planet, until one beardmaster grew too powerful, so say the archives of the league, and threatened to destroy all life on planet. His beard had properties the likes of which no beardman could even fathom. This mans name was Norris. Chuck Norris. The very last entry in the journal of the final beardlord tells that the entire League of Beardmen assembled to face Norris. This entry is dated 8 million. The latest date any ancient document anyone has recovered has referenced."

"My god", Beardmaster suddenly saw what Legend was getting at, "Could that conflict have been the cause of the sundering?"

"Never in the history of New Planet has such a logical explanation been fathomed."

"Holy fuck", Christ piped in again, "We are going to be rich!"

"

DaleWinters wrote:

They used their power to bring justice to old Planet, until one beardmaster grew too powerful, so say the archives of the league, and threatened to destroy all life on planet. His beard had properties the likes of which no beardman could even fathom. This mans name was Norris. Chuck Norris.

Beardmaster was silent for a long time, but it was a silence only to the outside world. A vigorous conversation raged within.

'Please, after all we've been through', his beard urged, "Don't fuck me over on this. I can't pass up the chance to learn my origins'

'It could be a ruse, Legend is desperate'

'Let me consult with my other half, it will keep Legend in line until we learn the truth.'

'Fine.', Beardmaster suddenly grabbed Legends beard and pulled him close, allowing their beards to touch and thus commune.

"My beard has spoken to yours.", Beardmaster answered Legends confused glance, "It will stay with you for now, but if you fuck around, it will not hesitate to end you."

"Shit", Legend frowned, "My best plan turned against me. What is your intent?"

"We are going to the dig site. You will show us exactly how you accessed the leagues base. If you are lying, you will die."

"Fair enough, I suppose", Legend laughed.

"Sounds like you guys could use a secret hunter!"

Legends beard suddenly sprung in to action and skewered Christ through the face, killing him instantly.

"No, Christ, I think we will be fine without you."

It should be noted that at this point im gettjng kinda drunk. So... Sorry

"

DaleWinters wrote:

It should be noted that at this point im gettjng kinda drunk. So... Sorry

apparently drunk helps, because this shit is golden.