A good story

I found some juicy farts and an end to the dream sequence. best find that secondary project soon Dale. This will be a long one.

I was meerly sharing my want for more epicnuss, hope the real life stuff isnt bad and easy sort-outable Fart. GG too Dale o7

What the fuck am I supposed to do here beard?, Beardmaster thought back as he took another swing at the approaching bandit. Still nothing.

He already knew how this scenario would go down. This quest was doomed from the day it started but if there was a way to change this nightmare...

MOVE!!!, his beard suddenly boomed in his mind.

MOVE WHAT?!, he thought back.

Door kicked open and five burst into the house. Beardmaster watched in horror, awaiting the atrocity that was to follow. His younger should have heard the noise and come to investigate but would be too late. Still waiting for the horror that is to follow, Beardmaster realized the bandits were moving rather unusually slow. Very slow at a snails pace, its as if time had slowed down. But what was the point of it? He was unable to touch the phantoms or interact...

Beardmaster felt a pat on his shoulder and quickly spun around with his right hand cocked, a bearded sword in hand. The other yelped and jumped back suddenly with hands making motion as to stop.

"Whoa dude. I am on your side!", the other claimed as he kept motioning for Beardmaster to put his blade down.

Beardmaster then realized that this other was a spitting image of himself. Only he was glowing with a pale gray glow which almost seemed to make him look like he was covered with ash. Beardmaster also realized that there were more than just one doppelganger. But none seemed to be making any hostile actions.

"Move..". the first doppelganger said.

He counted four clones that looked like they were expecting commands. Hmm...

"Get the family in to the barn away from this place.", he suddenly instructed.

The clones suddenly walked into the bed rooms hoisting the family members with ease and walking through the crowded doorway full of bandits. Obviously, he couldn't make any changes himself but his pawns can manipulate the phantom theater it seems.

"Get my younger self closer to the house but at a safe distance. Also arm him so he is ready for a battle.", He instructed further.

He knew his younger self would try to take out the bandits with pure skill rather than rely on his beard. After all he wouldn't know that the family got somehow transported to the barn and he can use his beardly magic freely. There must be someway to..

"You, I want you to grab a stick..", he instructed one of the approaching clones from completing his last instruction.

Dude, better hurry with whatever you are doing. I am about to be spent., His beard thought back.

Hold on, just a few more seconds.. Beardmaster asked as he instructed his clone.

Suddenly the doppelganger disappeared in front of his eyes. Beardmaster could only hope his plan worked. That his younger self was capable enough to take on these guys without the use of his beard if he didn't see the clues. He hated to be subtle but this will get his younger self to get too inquisitive about this. There was the loud banging sound as time seemed to become normal again.

John looked around and wondered how the hell did he get halfway to the house already with his sword and dagger in hand? One minute he was getting ready to step outside to investigate the commotion and suddenly he was already there. There was some writing on the ground in front of him which sent chills down his back. The instructions read "Use beard, stupid."

"What is going on?", John muttered to himself as he got his guard up and entered the shattered doorway.

When the banditos jumped John he knew things were amiss. Somewhere between swords flying at his face and killing two men with prestigious motion, he caught wind that now might be the right time to follow the instructions written on the ground. As another man lept at him with a cry of 'Wahhhh', he swung his head to the side and let his beard grow to lengths which smacked the man through a waiting window and onto the side lawn. Two more men rushed him and he was forced to deflect blows using his sword before his beard could swing back and knock them aside.

Beardmaster watched the proceeding with some interest, pondering the implications of and mechanics of this chaotically altered timeline. But it wasn't a timeline at all was it? It was nothing more than a fabricated magical simulation, and as such, how much longer could the Thingamajics magic guestimate a reality that had never taken place. His money was right on the money, as he saw his younger self engaged in further battle, but with every moment of combat the image before him began to flicker and fade. No doubt, he now realized, this derailing was not of the creatures intent.

He looked back and saw that the phantom images of himself lacked the incongruency of the image before him, but in a willful pattern were slowly moving towards each other and beginning to merge. They continued these actions until only one phantom image remained, and when only one remained, he realized it was beginning to morph - the familiar form of himself shifting into someone he did not recognize. The man was dressed in crazy robes that appeared vaguely wizard-like, but tainted with the absurdity of a whole spectrum of psychadelic colors. The man before him gave a sly grin and clapped his hands in sarcastic applause.

"What the hell", he heard his younger self say, prompting him to glance back at the now pretty much finished fight. John was flickering harshly now, and in a strange turn of self-awareness, appeared to be looking at his own hands with horror on his face. With the family safely tucked away, the Thingamajic must be unable to discern what actions followed in this faulty timeline. That man - he was the only thing not fading, but who the fuck was he?

"What is this?", Beardmaster turned back to the man and approached him with a moderate amount of menace.

"For you-", the strangely dressed character replied, "A very happy coincidence."

But what if... of course! Beardmaster suddenly had his sword at the ready. What a ploy, sabotaging its own illusion to throw him off guard. The Thingamajic was so crafty that he decided to hunt them in the future for scientific study. His instincts told him that this was the time to make his move, and Beardmaster lunged forward at the figure, but his blade cut through it like it was not even there, for perhaps it was not.

As the image began to fade, it uttered an oddly specific demand, "Tell Legend I'll be watching him. If he breaks our oath, I will be back."

And then moments later, it, along with the fractured dream world, faded out completely.

Claps @ Dale and Fart, nicely done, the plot thickens to a gloopy syrupy yet strangly tactile thickness ¦)

Just gotta keep on keepin on n such

"So, will you help?", Legend asked again earnestly.

This whole quest was getting out of hand. New players keep entering and its getting hard to keep track of who does what and how are they all related. He didn't need any more enemies, at least not on the human side..

The Warlock slowly composed himself as he pondered the choice laid before him. And then with a sudden smile and a nod he said..

"Yes."

"Yes?"

"Aye truly, now comere!! Give us a hug like brothers at arms to seal the pact!"., The Warlock exclaimed with open arms.

Legend embraced the Warlock in a lose hug with a sigh of relief. This might be the one good thing that had turned up from this insanity. As they embraced Legend's eyes couldn't stop trailing down to the ground where a the knife should have been. A second later he felt a sharp, shooting pain in his left rib and then a sudden blow to his face, knocking him to the ground. Warlock suddenly reached down and yanked the blade from Legends ribs. Legend kicked out at Warlocks chest, making him stagger back a few steps and catch his breath.

"You gullible fool.. Do you think I would drop all my efforts to find you just with a mere words of need?", The Warlock sneered as he slowly inched closer to the downed Legend, blade in hand.

"I know of your quest and I don't care. I have a decent life now, within the system we have. What you tend to do is change everything. How does any of that benefit me? Do you think me a fool?"., Warlock raged.

"Even a bigger one than I thought you before"., Legend said slowly crawling backwards.

"What?"

"You know of our plight and you can be this vain to ignore what must be? Pretty soon this life you believe you have will be over. There is a war brewing and you care about what you have?", Legend spat.

"I have not paid taxes in 23 years and I will not be undone by an idealist!", Warlock fumed as he got even closer.

"This may be a dream, but you bleed real. If you don't die here I will have that much more fun doing it all over again. Good bye Legend.", He said as he raised both hands over his head for the killing blow.

Legend tensed for a second waiting for the perfect moment to use his beard. There was a pang of regret that flashed across his mind, he could have had a powerful ally. Well the Warlock had some powerful friends...

The killing blow never came. The Warlock seemed to be just as surprised as Legend was when he saw his opponents hands ended in bloody stumps. The shock of it was keeping Warlock from yelling.

"There, there. That's enough of that.", came a stern reprimanding voice from everywhere.

Suddenly Thingiemajic was beside the profusely bleeding Warlock. Somehow the dents and the chip across the skull made the face all the more menacing. Legend could swear the flaming skull actually smiled at him.

"I have a whole list of delights waiting for my friend ahead and I wont have some random junkie hopped up on the 'goods' stealing my act.", it said in a cheeky manner.

Suddenly Thingymajic shot its good arm through the Warlocks stomach and pulling out his entrails. As the Warlock convulsed, Thingymajic seemed to lack ideas for a gruesome death or he just didn't care, decided to rip out Warlocks foot and beat him down to a pulp with it. As the figure looked less and less like a figure, Legend heard a feeble curse.

"I will find you... Legend.."

"He may not be bound like you... but I made sure he had an unpleasant trip back to reality."..

Suddenly, Thingymagic took a step and legend realized that it had grown feet... they looked rather feminine. Following the foot back up to the torso, there was no horrific flaming skull but a familiar face. It was Cat...

"I can't believe you would willingly put trust in a known enemy to have him stab you in the back! Shows how much faith you have in family...", It sneered in Cathina's form.

"..I do believe I am deeply offended brother.."

"And you wouldn't put a blade through my chest?", legend scoffed grabbing his wounded ribs.

"Yes, but we are family..", it said with a grin as it raised its hand to suddenly extend into a sword.

Suddenly, Legend's beard shot out right into Cathina's forehead with a flash sending the her back and losing her form.

"Gaaah! What did you do??!!", Thingymajic yelled horrified as it seemed to struggle deciding what form to keep...

Get ready, his beard suddenly shot at Legend's mind.

What?, he thought back.

Find Beardmaster.

Suddenly his beard glowed purple and skewered into Thingymajic's chest, which made it roar even louder. There were cracklings of electricity about them, tremendous energy was flowing through the creature in pain. Looking around, Thingymajic was losing its grasp on reality. The trees and grounds started melting... around him..

What did you..

Legend!... MOVE!!, it boomed and Legend was off.

He didn't know where Beardmaster went but it seemed like there was a visible light at the end of this tunnel. With all thoughts squarely focused on finding his companion Legend ran as fast as his legs would take him.

Legend "The Legend"!!! mmmmmmm i am satisfied.....for now...... moowhoooohahahahaha! ;P

Dale on probation oO?