A good story

"Only the Jabroni Highlords have mounts", Legend was quick to argue with their new compodre, "And their encampments are in the baddest territory in the badlands. It's bad as fuck."

"It really is", Beardmaster nodded along while he picked his teeth, "Not to mention it takes years to get a Vorlonx to trust you. It is the very thing that earned them their ranking! Things are dangerous as fuck too. Most Jabroni's that enter the Vorlonx caverns never come out."

"I get that", Jeff said, "but if you want to travel somewhere fast, a Vorlonx is your best bet."

"Wait a second Jeff", Beardmaster suddenly smiled sinisterly, "I think I just caught your train of thought. How much of that Thingamajic Juice do you have?"

"Like I said earlier, this stuff is potent as the sourest shit. If we can get close enough to one of the things I can pump up my psychic energy long enough to pacify it for the whole trip. Fuck, I'll probably still have enough left over to turn a profit."

"Wait a minute", Legend was still dubious, "How the hell do we know that will work? The mind of a Vorlonx probably doesn't work anything like ours, even if you can get inside, how do you know you'll be able to do anything?"

"Well.. ok sure, I have never tried this before, but I've used this stuff several times now and on different kinds of creatures. Rule of thumb is it's generally easier to mess with creatures of sub-human intelligence"

"Ok", Legend said, "But keep in mind how erratic those things can be, and how fast they can kill when alarmed. Where I grew up we had a saying. How did it go again... oh yeah.. 'Don't fuck with a Vorlonx, dumbshit!'"

"Oh yeah, I remember that!", Beardmaster piped in.

Yay! Beardmaster continues!

Sadly the craziness that makes me good at making this shit up also makes me incredibly inconsistent :(

Try that drinking game you suggested but stop at the sweet spot of buzzed enough to write but not too drunk to type!

"

DaleWinters wrote:

just fyi this originated because I wanted to make a small beardmaster blurb for my signature, but it was too long

I have no idea where this is going

But I do:

“Everything that has transpired has done so according to my design…”

I had to quote that in response to:

"Allow me to demonstrate the power of this fully operational beard!"

I LOL’d

"Alright", Beardmaster turned back to Jeff, "We can try this, but when the time comes its up to you to tame the damn thing. If it lashes your face off at least you will come back after."

"Fair enough, mortal", Jeff smirked, "But I'll try not to let that happen, since I wouldn't be on your team any more after the fact."

"He brings up an interesting point", Legend pondered, "If you get slain by our enemies, are you going to have to fight us after?"

"Well not necessarily", Jeff scrunched his forhead in thought, "Like think about how I saved you from the Thinga, you didn't request it, but I had to perform a gesture of a certain value to pay the debt of forgiveness. If they are knee deep in shit of your causing I might be forced to intervene, so if someone else kills me, try not to fuck with them for a while and we shouldn't have an issue. I'll try to track you down once the debt is paid."

"Alright", Legend said after a pause, "But lets try not to let it come to that. Be careful on this mission."

"Buddy, just because I come back after doesn't make it hurt any less. I'm always careful. Unfortunately my luck is cursed to run out from time to time. Make you a deal, if I'm on my way out, one of you guys finish the job. That way I can come straight back to you guys after."

"Solid plan", Beardmaster nodded, "Now, the heart of Jabroni territory is still about a days walk away, we should get moving."

"Damn straight", Legend added, "I never want to see this fucking cave again."

"Most defenitely", Beardmaster flipped his beard over his shoulder and moved for the exit.

The sun was out in full swing, illuminating the dull colors of the badlands in such a way as to make them almost appealing, but not quite. They didn't know exactly how long they had been in the cave, but their eyes took some time to adjust to the brightness. It was quick and safe movement that was more or less unperturbed. They munched on wholesome beard-food as Jeff Christ amused them with stories of his secret hunting ventures. Afterwards, Legend came at Jeff with stories of his adventures in unsanctioned questing.

Beardmaster stayed quiet for the most part, not wanting to cast a shadow on the achievements of his comrades. Both were worthy adventurers who had forged their path through their own strength, skill and ingenuity. Beardmaster, on the other hand, had been destined for greatness from the start. He couldn't help but feel a sense of cheapness surrounding some of his technically superior achievements. Really, how far would he have gotten without the beard?

Oh buck up kiddo, his beard suddenly interrupted this introspection, you pulled your weight from time to time

Oh hey, you've been quiet for so long I kind of forgot you could hear my thoughts

Wasn't really paying attention until I noticed you displaying some uncharacteristic humility.

I don't know, Beardmaster thought to his beard, I guess I'm used to flying solo, well just you and I. We kicked so much ass that it sort of slipped my mind that other people would really have to work to kick that much ass. I guess this whole journey has been sort of enlightening, in a way

I was kind of thinking the same thing, his beard replied, Getting trapped by that creature really put me in my place. I may not know exactly what I am yet, but I guess I always had this sense that I was unbeatable.

Beardmaster sighed, but smiled, I guess that arrogance was a plague with which we were both afflicted.

Then let's agree both to assume nothing until we find the secrets we seek.

Agreed.

GG Dale!

In celebration of me transitioning from boredom to beardom, I think this deserves a bump.

Yes agreed. And here is to the eternal Beardmaster "taking a break"!! (cheers)