Favorite quotes from frequent off topic posters

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Moonyu wrote:

Sometimes i like to put a carrot in my ass and cluck around like a chicken

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VictorDoom wrote:

Why shouldn't I work for the NSA, that's a tough one, I'll give it a shot, say I'm working at the NSA and somebody puts a code on my desk that no one else can break, maybe I take a shot at it, maybe I break it, and I'm real happy with myself because I did my job well, but maybe that code was the location to some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East and once they have that location they bomb the village where the rebels are hiding, 1500 people that I never met, never had no problem get killed ... now the politicians are saying, oh send in the marines to secure the area because they don't give a **** ... won't be their kid over there getting shot, just like it wasn't them when their number got called 'cause they were off doing their tour in the National Guard, maybe some kid from Southy over there taking shrapnel in the ass, he comes back to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country where he just got back from and the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job 'cause he'll work for 15 cents a day and no bathroom breaks, meanwhile he realizes the only reason he was over there in the first place was so we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price, and ofcourse the oil companies use the little skirmish over there to scare up domestic oil prices, a cute little ancillary benefit for them, but it ain't helping my buddy at two fifty a gallon, they're taking their sweet time bringing the oil back, maybe they took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes drinking martinis and playing slalom with the icebergs, it ain't too long before he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic ... so now my buddies out of work, he can't afford to drive, so he's walking to the ****ing job interviews, which sucks because the shrapnel in his ass is giving him chronic hemroids and meanwhile he's starvin because every time he tries to get a bite to eat the only blue plate special they're serving is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State ... so what did I think ... I'm holding out for something better ... I figure **** it, while I'm at it, why not just shoot my buddy, take his job, give it to a sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the national guard, I could be elected president

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Hardlicker wrote:

A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.

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Moonyu wrote:

In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is.

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solwitch wrote:

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

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Boem wrote:

Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded.

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VictorDoom wrote:

It was impossible to get a conversation going; everybody was talking too much.

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cronk wrote:

The towels (from that hotel) were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase.

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Pavshaus wrote:

i belive its the inner beauty that matters

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VictorDoom wrote:

Promenade across the floor. Sashay right on out the door. Out the door and into the glade and everybody promenade. Step right up you're doing fine. I'll pull your beard you'll pull mine. Yank it again like you did before. Break it up with a tug of war. Now into the brook and fish for the trout. Dive right in and splash about. Trout! Trout! Pretty little trout! One more splash and come right out. Shake like a hound-dog. Shake again. Wallow around in the old pig pen. Wallow some more. Y'all know how. Roll around like an old fat sow. Alamand left with your right hand. Follow through with a great left band. Now lead your partner the dirty old thing. Follow through with an elbow swing. Grab a fence post. Hold it tight. Womp your partner with all your might. Hit him in the shin. Hit him in the head. Hit him again. The critter ain't dead. Womp him low and womp him high. Stick your finger in his eye. Pretty little ring. Pretty little sound. Bang your heads against the ground. Promenade all around the room. Promenade like a bride and groom. Open up the door and step right in. Close the door and into a spin. Whirl! Whirl! Twist and twirl! Jump all around like a flying squirrel. Now don't you fuss and don't you swear. Just come right out and form a square. Now right hand over and left hand under. Both join hands and run like thunder. Over the hill and over the dale. Duck your head and lift your tail. Don't you stray and don't you roam. Turn to your partner. Promenade home. Corn in the cornfield. Wheat in the sack. Turn to your partner. Promenade back. And now you're home. Bow to your partner. Bow to the gent across the hall. And that is all!

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“So if you want to call it that just because I follow you around and admire you from distance then fine, I'm a stalker, fine... Selfless admiration or stalking, It's just semantics at some point.”

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Bex_GGG wrote:

“You know, if you're going to stalk someone, you should be less obvious. For starters, try not to standing in the middle of a field, gawking at your prey.”

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Hardlicker wrote:

I have gals that are almost stalkers. I had this one girl that e-mailed me and thought we were boyfriend and girlfriend. She then came to my house in Perth, I do not know how she found it at 27 St George’s Terrace, but she did.

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VictorDoom wrote:

Actually even though I am watching you from a distance it's not really stalking.... especially given that I am looking through a Pulsar N550 Digisight Night Vision Scope.

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Moonyu wrote:

beheheheheheheehehehehe

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Väkirauta wrote:

im so gosh darn high right now

cant even