Free key for funny!

True story. My girlfriend and I and four other friends were looking to move in together to try and save some money (this is about 6 years ago). So we were all looking for houses to rent that had enough rooms and space for all of us. One of the friends mentions a house that he saw that looked nice, bonus was the back door was unlocked so we could go in and actually look at it. So the GF and I decide to go take a look on a weekend. We stop by Del Taco on the way there, eat some of that dog food before heading over. It was about a 20 minute drive over from the chow stand and she pulls up and parks in the drive way. About this time my stomach begins to rumble, I look over to see if she heard, and she doesn't look very good either. Kind of pale, looks like a cold sweat covering her face, and I know she is feeling the same thing as me. So we grab some of the left over napkins and head around back of the house, and thank goodness the back door was unlocked as promised, it would have been a worse story had it been locked. We divide the two napkins and hit different bathrooms, mine being right by the front door. It was bad as expected. I felt guilty of having desecrated a house I had no obligations to, although grateful for the inadequate single napkin. I flush and collect myself when I hear a knock at the front door. The GF makes her way over and we open it together. It was the neighbor wondering if we were the new renters and we should come to church with her! I said sure, sounds like fun, we'll be there. You could tell from her face that she could smell what was coming out of the door was something like a tipped over port o potty. A grimace of disgust at what she smelled. We said goodbye, left through the back and never returned. True story.

Little better not quite there though :p

I don't meet the requirements anyway, just taking a break from econ garbage.

"

AnubisMan wrote:

Spoiler

True story. My girlfriend and I and four other friends were looking to move in together to try and save some money (this is about 6 years ago). So we were all looking for houses to rent that had enough rooms and space for all of us. One of the friends mentions a house that he saw that looked nice, bonus was the back door was unlocked so we could go in and actually look at it. So the GF and I decide to go take a look on a weekend. We stop by Del Taco on the way there, eat some of that dog food before heading over. It was about a 20 minute drive over from the chow stand and she pulls up and parks in the drive way. About this time my stomach begins to rumble, I look over to see if she heard, and she doesn't look very good either. Kind of pale, looks like a cold sweat covering her face, and I know she is feeling the same thing as me. So we grab some of the left over napkins and head around back of the house, and thank goodness the back door was unlocked as promised, it would have been a worse story had it been locked. We divide the two napkins and hit different bathrooms, mine being right by the front door. It was bad as expected. I felt guilty of having desecrated a house I had no obligations to, although grateful for the inadequate single napkin. I flush and collect myself when I hear a knock at the front door. The GF makes her way over and we open it together. It was the neighbor wondering if we were the new renters and we should come to church with her! I said sure, sounds like fun, we'll be there. You could tell from her face that she could smell what was coming out of the door was something like a tipped over port o potty. A grimace of disgust at what she smelled. We said goodbye, left through the back and never returned. True story

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I'm Lactose intolerant Diarrhea is never funny.... lol

Nice try thought :)

So quite a few years ago I was staying home alone with my cousin. The rest of the family had all gone out to Bingo. (I'd say I was 11 or 12 at the time.) We had decided to stay up late and watch movies we weren't supposed to watch. Like horror movies.

All is fine for some time until we kept hearing this knocking sound towards the back of the house. At first we turned down the volume of the television to see if we could hear it. Nothing. Completely silence. So thinking it was nothing, we continue to watch the television more. Again, we hear the noise. So we mute the television. Again, nothing. This time however, we left it muted for several minutes.

Sure enough, a few minutes had passed and we heard the knocking noise. It sounded like it was coming from one of my other cousins room. The door had been shut so we were unsure. I told my cousin to stay put. Since I was the older one, I had to be the responsible one and check it out. So I went back there slowly, step by horrifying step. Suddenly the knocking noise started up again. I run back to the living room, having lost my courage.

My cousin looked so afraid though. So once again, I muster up my courage. This time, however, I brought a knife from the kitchen with me. So again I make that horrible walk down the hallway to my cousin's room. I slowly opened the door and there stood a shadowy figure that stared at me, also holding a knife.

I jumped back. But I was going to be tough, I held back my scream of pure terror. I take a step forward again, ready to confront this intruder. This intruder, I guess sensing that I am not nearly as much a threat to him stepped forward as well.

It was then that I noticed that this intruder happened to be the same height as me and was making all the same moves I was...

Turns out that I was staring into a full length mirror just inside my cousin's room.

My own reflection about gave me a heart attack that night. =P

It also turned out that that noise we kept hearing was someone lighting off fireworks in the back alley. We never did tell the family once they got home. >.>

Ahhh, pulling out the big guns, sexual joke :

---
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants s*x, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll k*ll us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
---

"

Slytheria wrote:

Spoiler

So quite a few years ago I was staying home alone with my cousin. The rest of the family had all gone out to Bingo. (I'd say I was 11 or 12 at the time.) We had decided to stay up late and watch movies we weren't supposed to watch. Like horror movies.

All is fine for some time until we kept hearing this knocking sound towards the back of the house. At first we turned down the volume of the television to see if we could hear it. Nothing. Completely silence. So thinking it was nothing, we continue to watch the television more. Again, we hear the noise. So we mute the television. Again, nothing. This time however, we left it muted for several minutes.

Sure enough, a few minutes had passed and we heard the knocking noise. It sounded like it was coming from one of my other cousins room. The door had been shut so we were unsure. I told my cousin to stay put. Since I was the older one, I had to be the responsible one and check it out. So I went back there slowly, step by horrifying step. Suddenly the knocking noise started up again. I run back to the living room, having lost my courage.

My cousin looked so afraid though. So once again, I muster up my courage. This time, however, I brought a knife from the kitchen with me. So again I make that horrible walk down the hallway to my cousin's room. I slowly opened the door and there stood a shadowy figure that stared at me, also holding a knife.

I jumped back. But I was going to be tough, I held back my scream of pure terror. I take a step forward again, ready to confront this intruder. This intruder, I guess sensing that I am not nearly as much a threat to him stepped forward as well.

It was then that I noticed that this intruder happened to be the same height as me and was making all the same moves I was...

Turns out that I was staring into a full length mirror just inside my cousin's room.

My own reflection about gave me a heart attack that night. =P

It also turned out that that noise we kept hearing was someone lighting off fireworks in the back alley. We never did tell the family once they got home. >.>

Ah to be a kid again... lol

"

Skurd wrote:

Ahhh, pulling out the big guns, sexual joke :

---
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants s*x, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll k*ll us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
---

Not bad ;p not quite there yet though

Well I thank you for creating such an entertaining thread for me to waste away the hours in. =P

You all have a wonderful night and good luck to those who make Bahamut laugh.

And Bahamut, you need to laugh! >=0 Laughter is good for you and stuff.

"

Slytheria wrote:

Well I thank you for creating such an entertaining thread for me to waste away the hours in. =P

You all have a wonderful night and good luck to those who make Bahamut laugh.

And Bahamut, you need to laugh! >=0 Laughter is good for you and stuff.

Goodnight sleep well :D nice to meet you :3 keep in touch :D