Favorite quotes from frequent off topic posters

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Fire_Kid wrote:

That is a very evil thing you've got. You better give it back so I can take it and throw it off the earth. It brought unhappiness to my family. If you don't give it to me it'll bring grief to you and your family too.

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VictorDoom wrote:

I'm stuck in this pit, working for less than slave wages. Working on my day off, the goddamn steel shutters are closed, I deal with every backward ass fuck on the planet. I smell like shoe polish. My ex-girlfriend is catatonic after fucking a dead guy. And my present girlfriend has sucked 36 dicks.

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Moonyu wrote:

You're pretty strong for a little lady and you have a lot of hair on your lip. We don't like our waitresses to have hairy lips. So I'll tell you what, shave. Oh, and after you shave, you're fired.

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Hardlicker wrote:

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.

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Hardlicker wrote:

hello doctor, i think my penis tastes funny

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Hardlicker wrote:

Take this job and shove it I ain't workin' here no more
My boss wont give me that pay rise that I kinda deserve.
Ya, better not try and stand in my way
Cause I'm walkin', out the door
Take this job and shove it I ain't working here no more

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VictorDoom wrote:

I can measure almost anything phallic shaped as my gag reflex no longer works.

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Moonyu wrote:

He was full of plans. Have you got any plans, Hardlicker? Do you want us to find a cure and save the world or just fall in love and fuck? Plans are pointless. Staying alive's as good as it gets.

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Moonyu wrote:

you gotta real perty mouth ain you? you gonna do some prayin for me, boy. And you better pray good.

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Hardlicker wrote:

Two days of this horrible job to go. I've already started to tell a few people exactly how moronic I think they are. I don't think I'll be receiving a thank you morning tea in my honor, in fact I wont be missed at all and the feeling is mutual.

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Moonyu wrote:

Yeah, well what can I tell you? In the pizza business, when things are slow you tend to eat the inventory.

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VictorDoom wrote:

Hey, I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothin', but I think unicorns are kick ass!

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Hardlicker wrote:

when people call me while im taking a shit i usually hold the phone to my ass and fart on it, then tell them it seems that our call is getting interrupted.

and thats how i shat on my phone