Leave your best joke...to pass the time ; []

Every year there is a fattest pig contest and a farmer enters every time but always loses.
Finally after some thought he decides to shove a cork in his pigs ass 1 month prior to the contest and have a monkey ready to pull it out the day before the contest.
So the farmer goes about the pigs entry diet,
-1 week in, the pig is about the size of the farmer
-2 weeks in, the pig is as big as his truck
-3 weeks in and the day before the contest the pig is as big as his house.
The farmer gives the monkey a heads up to pull the cork.
10 miles away another farmer is standing in 1 foot of shit, so wondering what happened he heads to the epicenter.
5 miles away another farmer is waist deep in pig shit, also wondering what the cause is he heads to the farmers.
The 2 other farmers finally reach the epicenter after a while and the farmer standing neck deep in pig shit is just laughing his ass off.
Confused one of the farmers asks him whats so funny.
The farmer looks at them still laughing hysterically and he sais "you should have seen the monkey try to stick the cork back in the pigs ass".

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to your house.

Knock knock.
Who's there?

The chicken, duh.

Bill Clinton is visiting a school. He asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a tragedy.

Little Suzy stands up and says "If my best friend was playing in the street when a car came along and killed him, that would be a tragedy."

"No" Clinton says, "That would be an ACCIDENT."

Jill raises her hand and says "If a school bus carrying thirty kids drove off a cliff killing everyone that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not" explains Clinton "That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS."

The room is silent none of the other children volunteer.

"What?" asks Clinton "Isn't there any one here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally, Johnny raises his hand in a timid voice he says "If an airplane carrying Bill & Hillary Clinton were blown up by a bomb, THAT would be a tragedy."

"Wonderful!" Clinton beams. "Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?"

"Well, because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly wouldn't be a great loss!"

Knock Knock?

Whos there?






















































It's me wondering why your not naked.

Knock Knock?

Whos there?












































































































































It's me again Still wonderin why your not naked.

45 years old man had a ruff day . Firstly when he got to job his boss told him that he must fire him due the recession . So the man is thinking : Ok I lost my job . But my wife and daughter have a job and my son is half way through collage so we will manage . He gets home and hears some noise from his bedroom . He ran in and there is his wife with a black man in bed . Shocked , but disctracted by other noise in house . He ran to his daughter's room and finds her with a black woman in bad , and his son with two black man in bed .

So he starts to think . My wife is a slut , daughter is lesbian , and son is gay. I better end my life since there is no point staying here .

So he gets to the roof of his building . Before he jumps an elf comes to him . What you doing he asks . The man explains everything , and elf says : I will grant you three wishes , if you suck my (put word here) . So the man thinks , I can wish for all this not happened so that sucking also won't happen . So the man does what had to be done . Elf smiling and satisfied asks him..

How old are you ?
45 answers the man
Aren't you bit too old to belive in elf's ?

I think i got some new material from this thread now

What is the longest word in the English language?
SMILES: there is a mile between the first and last letters!"

"

warlock wrote:

What is the longest word in the English language?
SMILES: there is a mile between the first and last letters!"

HEHAHAHAHAHA!

Why cant bikes stand on its own?
Cuz they are two tired.