Shut-in needs advice

Real Talk

In all honesty, if you are socially awkward then a dinner date is the absolute last thing you want to do. You need an activity date that will naturally fill up conversation for you.

I know using "tricks" to get girls isn't cool, but none the less one I learned from a friend years ago legit works like magic, it's fkn amazing;

Ask her a question about herself (eg, what do you like doing in your spare time?). You can tune out for most of the answer, but make sure you hear the last thing she says, then ask her a question about that. Just keep doing that for the whole night, and use her name when you talk to her (women love hearing the sound of their own name, they might not realize it, but it's a consistent thing most women have).

It's weird and counter intuitive, but if you spend the whole time just asking questions and (appearing to be) listening to answers, she will feel like she knows you. She won't actually know anything about you at all, but she'll feel like she does because (if you'd actually listened) you know about her.

All that aside; If you don't want to do it then don't. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a shut in and spending your life playing computer games IF it makes you happy.

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MonstaMunch wrote:

I know using "tricks" to get girls isn't cool, but none the less one I learned from a friend years ago legit works like magic, it's fkn amazing;

Ask her a question about herself (eg, what do you like doing in your spare time?). You can tune out for most of the answer, but make sure you hear the last thing she says, then ask her a question about that. Just keep doing that for the whole night, and use her name when you talk to her (women love hearing the sound of their own name, they might not realize it, but it's a consistent thing most women have).

It's weird and counter intuitive, but if you spend the whole time just asking questions and (appearing to be) listening to answers, she will feel like she knows you. She won't actually know anything about you at all, but she'll feel like she does because (if you'd actually listened) you know about her.

All that aside; If you don't want to do it then don't. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a shut in and spending your life playing computer games IF it makes you happy.

I was going to say something that is more or less like that.

Most woman that I've met before loved to talk, but above all they also loved to be heard. They like to tell stories, and they like to tell their opinions about stuff.

You don't need to be talkative about what she is speaking about, you just need to appear interested. if she stops talking you don't need to change the subject you can keep asking questions unless she appears uncomfortable.

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MinasMorgul wrote:

If she's into that, then good, if not, I won't need her anyway. I wonder if she'll be impressed by my 14 dakimakura, 23 anime girl posters and 35 figurines decorating my room...

If she wants to enter my bedroom, she has to defeat the first boss in dark souls 3. lol. *cries in Japanese*

It appears to me that you are a little unease about being accepted, and I think you shouldn't worry about that. At first you should just focus on having a good time. Like if you are going to eat out, then you should just pick a place where you know it has really good food so the date becomes secondary, so even if she is not fit to be a love interest, you would still be able to enjoy a good food *insert "I've got that going for me which is nice" meme*.

Having lower expectations also helps bruh. She doesn't need to be your soulmate for you to have a good time. Being tolerable is enough sometimes...

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鬼殺し wrote:

Sorry to break it to you but...uhm, yeah, you're the weeb thing. You know what a visual novel is. You have figurines. Dakimakura...ffs. Thats pure weeb. All good. Embrace it*. Its kind of in with shut ins.

Nah. A weeb is someone who's showing his overenthusiasm about anime to the public in a more than embarrasing manner. Like using random Japanese words in daily sentences, thinking he's deep into the culture while he hasn't even scratched the surface.
I could be wrong, though.

@MonsterMunch
Interesting idea. Let her do the talk.

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Laurium wrote:

Real Talk

In all honesty, if you are socially awkward then a dinner date is the absolute last thing you want to do. You need an activity date that will naturally fill up conversation for you.

It's not the worst thing, but do it after the activity and don't lead with the meal, it's much easier to take a break from the activity (and most importantly you have something to talk about over dinner!). Best of luck ^_∼

I think you should begin with blunt honesty. Healthy relationships work because of clear and honest communication. Could it ruin your date and scare away this girl? Yes. She could dislike the reality of your existence. Better now than later.

Let me presently clarify what I mean by my first statement, so that you don't share everything there is with her in one go and utterly flop:

When you meet, tell her you've been asocial for 8 years and haven't really connected with many people. Don't apologize for it, but explain that you may not have a lot of experience in communicating well.

If she's as bad as you are like you hinted, she might pick up on this right away and some of the stress from this whole meeting will drop from her shoulders as well.

Because you probably have poor public speaking skills, fill the role of listener if she enjoys talking. Ask her questions about herself and focus on important details like "why is she into this" or "who got her interested in this" or "when did this start". These details will be important later if they come up in conversation again, and you can use these as additional conversation starters by asking questions to gain more context (it also makes you seem focused on her and attentive).

If you suck at listening (hey, we all have our faults) then do the basic psychology tricks you usually would have learned from friends in high school or college:

- While she is speaking, nod at key points and occasionally make a comment. It shows you're paying attention (or gives the illusion of it).

- Mimic her body language. Is she sitting with her legs crossed? Cross yours. Is one hand on her chin? Place one on yours.

- Learn her name and use it. Use it when you first meet, use it during conversation, use it when you part. Don't forget it if there's a date number 2.

- Eye contact. Break it only if she shies away from it (it may be too much for her if she's an asocial shut in like you).

Above all, remember that if this doesn't work out, you've lived without a relationship for the past 8 years successfully. The only pressure on you in this situation will be pressure you place on yourself. So why worry? Consider this an interesting social experiment, and take it from there.

First of all, internet and game forums are bad place to look for advice related to real life. I could write you a wall of text, but that won't change who you are, how you behave or what your interests are.

I can only make a few small suggestions since you gave us a small insight into your life.

While interacting with her, be interested in her (as a person and a woman) but not in such manner that it drops from interest to desperation.

If she asks you something about yourself, be inconclusive, answer her, but keep details toned down, she probably doesn't want to hear about your problems or life story.

If she asks you something, you can also answer in small lines, and backfire a question to her, about her. If you manage to make her talk and relax, all the better for you.

Do not interrupt her, and let the flow of topics be natural. Example, she starts talking about job and you cut her story with your story about philosophy. Thats a bad choice.

Keep in mind, she may or may not share 10% or less of your interests. But that is not a thing that matters in real life. Her image of you has to be of a indenpendent and wholesome person, who knows what he wants in life.

Keep your insecurities to the minimum and rely on characteristics of your personality that are strong.

If you meet somewhere randomly, ask her where should you go. If she answers, and knows a place, compliment her choice and agree with her. If she doesn't know where to go and says "I don't know, do you know any good place?", then propose her a place. That will show that you aren't lost and are confident into making choices for yourself and others.

If you really have to take her home, and she isn't familiar with japanese culture and you have room full of collectibles and she asks about it. Say it is a hobby of yours, and compare it to people who collect postage stamps or motorcycles. That may affect her to go from "wow, wtf" to "wow, interesting". If she is into that stuff, all the better for you.

You must let her feel like she is in control of her interaction with you, but at the same time you must be the one pulling the strings to your benefit. That will make it a pleasant experience for both of you, she will feel nice with you, probably, and you will have some confidence that you are in safe territory.

These are all small totally generalized advices, and I should be the last person to listen to, as I don't have much experience, but still hope it helps.

I'd also suggest you read a lot of materials on social interaction and man-female social relations. I wont suggest specific things, but always keep in mind, you are you. You don't have to adjust yourself, you have to adjust the perception of your surroundings about you, how they perceive you and all social interaction will be just fine.

If you start reading such materials, do not follow them blindly and combine it with real life knowledge. Always be critical and tread with care.

Good luck and have fun on date.

i google the word weeb and by that definition you do seem to be one minas..


here's an actual piece of advice, what id do if i were you anyway, throw out all your figurines and toys, wierd ass japanese fuckpillows, wank posters, play games less, quit the anime shit its cringy as fuck, pick up a real hobby(if you like japan so much start doing paintings in that shogun era style), go to the gym, start going out in your towns locals to find some women so you dont have to go on a date arranged by your freakin mom, if you dont work get a job, work toward something. Man the fuck up, youre 27, shits real, and cold, so you gotta adapt, you gotta change man.

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鬼殺し wrote:

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MinasMorgul wrote:

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鬼殺し wrote:

Sorry to break it to you but...uhm, yeah, you're the weeb thing. You know what a visual novel is. You have figurines. Dakimakura...ffs. Thats pure weeb. All good. Embrace it*. Its kind of in with shut ins.

Nah. A weeb is someone who's showing his overenthusiasm about anime to the public in a more than embarrasing manner. Like using random Japanese words in daily sentences, thinking he's deep into the culture while he hasn't even scratched the surface.
I could be wrong, though.

You are. You're just creating your own overly specific but not inaccurate definition to avoid fitting the broader, actual concept of a weeb. It's something weebs do, ironically.

Rules of the internet, entry #44:
"Even one positive comment about japanese things can make you a weaboo."

Back to the main topic, I don't think I could give any proper advice, so I simply wish you best of luck! Keep us updated!