Shut-in needs advice

Here, ill try to put in terms you'll understand. Its not easy but there are proven strategies. When you play a new dark souls boss, do you run forward swinging? How did that work out for you?

Once you took the time to appreciate behavioral patterns and you taught yourself to do that dance,
you eventually got through the encounter without failing miserably? You progressed further?

Get it?

"

MinasMorgul wrote:

I'm (again) starting to think that this is better than dealing with humans who make things that could be so easy so complicated.

You can inverse that notion and say

"why are you making it so complex by rushing five dates in one". Your basically speeding up a natural process because you desire affection.

That isn't really "taking it easy" either, right? :)

Peace,

-Boem-

I just wanted to say "Thank You" to everyone in this thread. Everything from the shitty VH1 relationship advice down to the OP just saying screw it and living the rest of his life with his Bulma body pillow is hilarious.

OP will be fine. That was a lot of progress actually. Just gotta simplify it, learn to read situations, don't go in expecting things to go a certain way, be confident, and not do any weird messaging apologizing stuff.

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MinasMorgul wrote:

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Laurium wrote:

But, what's critical is that you don't project to her that you do care, because women--even shut in women--sniff this desperation shit out of guys like a 6th, 7th, 8th, and 9th sense.

That's one reason you keep the first date short.

Very counterintuitive. I was under the delusion that showing your affection would be something favourable. It hurts to realize how wrong this seems to be. And a world where things work like mentioned can go kiss my dear ass.
It's not like I flashed my dick before her, asking for it.

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MinasMorgul wrote:

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TheWretch wrote:

E: Biggest piece of advice i can think is stop caring. Dont be a dick about it, but almost. People want what they cant have. If you make yourself look too easily available, even someone interested might be turned off by that. Just be standoff-ish and make her chase you a BIT.

I don't like this mind-games. I want straight statements. But it seems some things in life don't work like that.
I expected too much for a first encounter. But I'm not willing to accept the reasons. That's why phantasy-worlds are so much better.

Man, that sounds so spoiled. There is a closed door in front of you, and you are upset because you can't walk through without figuring out a way to turn the doorknob even though there are people right here giving you tips about it... And fuck, it's just a door, even if no one gives you tips, you can still figure it out as long as you keep trying, it's not like you lack arms or something.

Besides, you said you don't like "mind games", and anyone hearing that would take you as a person that is straight-forward and literal, but if we review what happened is that really true?

The girl was asked if she wanted to meet you(she wasn't asked if she wanted to be your girlfriend, or if she wanted to have sex with you), and she said yes, then she went on a date with you.

She was asked by you if she wanted to play dark souls at your flat(she wasn't asked if she wanted to have sex at your flat), and she said yes, and went there to play dark souls.

But you assumed that going on a date with you would be a declaration that she is interested in you, when in fact the date is to find out if she is or isn't(and 1 date isn't enough for that). And you assumed that by going to your flat it meant that she might be wanting to have sex.

So if we look at it, you don't like the "mind games" and is in fact inexperienced at it, BUT YOU STILL TRY TO PLAY THEM?!

Try to put yourself in the place of that girl. She went out with someone she barely knew, to find out what kind of guy he is, and then out of nowhere she finds out the dude thought he had won her over, and that sex was going to happen. Look, I'm not saying that there aren't girls that wouldn't fuck at the first date, but you think this one is one of those based on your talks? And do you think one of those girls would fuck in an otaku room full of anime posters? Maybe they would if you are loaded with money, or if you really good at picking up girls. Are you one of those?

Also something that bugs me is that you send her a message that next time she could take the lead.. Like, wtf man, is sex really decided to happen? Or is it destined to happen?

Man, I think that is the danger of consuming too much of any media, but even more when it comes to anime.

You said you like 19th century philosophers right? So I expect you to be someone that thinks himself to be intelligent right? If not that then at least someone that reflects on stuff right?

Then let me ask you, did you ever realize how animes try to manipulate you? Did you ever realize the ways it tries to manipulate you?

That shit tries to play with all kinds of insecurities, which isn't something that the Hollywood doesn't already do, but the blatant way they do is absurd. They kill all realism in order to give his viewers a pleasant and shiny universe where everything good happens to people that most of the time doesn't do anything beside being the MC. How many MC that are as plain or uninteresting as a rock on the side of the road doesn't suddenly meet a girl in a crazy way that is there just to love him and say yes to whatever he says?

You think that is better than the reality? It is an absurd lie that you believe because it's pleasant. It's like drugs man, made to please you for a price that is more than you should be willing to pay.

I'm not saying that you should stop watching animes, movies or doing drugs, it's okay to do it, it's not okay to let it control you, to change you, or to blind/brainwash you. You hate to know what they are selling you, why they are selling it to you, how does that affect you, and what is the comparison of it with the reality, or else you will be end up as a prisoner not of fictional characters, but of people that makes them(Yes! Your waifu is just an old dude enchanting you with some drawings!!!11!!).

Side note: It's funny, because some otakus generally are afraid of real women because they might be deceptive. But they let themselves to be deceived by animes... It blows my mind.

-------

Going back on "how hard is to 'read' women": Not that hard, and it's not just about women. Most people like to be with a partner that they don't think it's below themselves. So if you give a girl the impression that you are "too much sand for her little truck", it's better than the other way around.

About knowing when she wants to have sex, try flirting and pay attention. I think that it's not easy to explain that from the internet, but it's like beating around the bush waiting for something to jump out, you will probably know if you get a signal as long as you are paying enough attention, when you get that signal try being more direct. It's not easy, and you probably will feel like an idiot sometimes, but it's better than sneaking closer to the girl while she is doing something else...

I'm not sure about what will happen with you and this woman, it's likely over, but at least now you know more than you knew before.

It's a lot of effort, but it's like building a house, it's rewarding to see what you accomplished(be it the relationship, or the skills to start one).

the best advice i can give is be honest, tell her exactly what you typed post 1

a lot of ppl here are saying to be "genuine" or "fun" none of that matters if she can tell you're uncomfortable, lying or putting a mask on for her to think you're cool.

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soneka101 wrote:

Try to put yourself in the place of that girl. She went out with someone she barely knew, to find out what kind of guy he is, and then out of nowhere she finds out the dude thought he had won her over, and that sex was going to happen. Look, I'm not saying that there aren't girls that wouldn't fuck at the first date, but you think this one is one of those based on your talks? And do you think one of those girls would fuck in an otaku room full of anime posters? Maybe they would if you are loaded with money, or if you really good at picking up girls. Are you one of those?

I thought she'd be just as eager for a relationship as me. Seemed she wasn't. When walking, our mutual attraction was good enough for me to think she could be as well looking for more. I also don't see sex and a relationship necessarily linked to each other. Seemed she wanted to go the more traditional way.

Well, learned a thing or two. It's something.

Oh, and I actually see me as a pretty worthwhile catch. Independent, good job, owning a flat, not just renting, even skilled in the sheets (turns out being an delusional otaku is a good training for the real thing, hehe).

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soneka101 wrote:

Also something that bugs me is that you send her a message that next time she could take the lead.. Like, wtf man, is sex really decided to happen? Or is it destined to happen?

That did not refer to the sexual thing, though it didn't exclude it. It was just that she also had no ideas what to do together. I pretty much led through the day, as probably expected from the man. Since I ran out of ideas and she wasn't proposing much, guess I became a bit salty inside and switched responsibilities. A relationship shouldn't be one-sided, right?

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soneka101 wrote:

Then let me ask you, did you ever realize how animes try to manipulate you? Did you ever realize the ways it tries to manipulate you?

Sure I do. I may call myself otaku for fun, but I'm not blind to the psychology behind the culture. Hell, I'm actually working on a light novel that will be a deconstruction of the wishfulfillment-thing. A more realistic approach to anime-tropes.
Guess I now have another theme to gut. Haha.

Ladies this is the face of a gamer and anime lover... An undercover sex machine.



If you ever dormed at a college you would be surprised, sorority sisters look for Nerds... That's a fact and a secret.

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MinasMorgul wrote:

Oh, and I actually see me as a pretty worthwhile catch. Independent, good job, owning a flat, not just renting, even skilled in the sheets (turns out being an delusional otaku is a good training for the real thing, hehe).

Jesus christ. The more of this shit I read, the more I feel sorry for that poor girl.

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MinasMorgul wrote:

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soneka101 wrote:

Try to put yourself in the place of that girl. She went out with someone she barely knew, to find out what kind of guy he is, and then out of nowhere she finds out the dude thought he had won her over, and that sex was going to happen. Look, I'm not saying that there aren't girls that wouldn't fuck at the first date, but you think this one is one of those based on your talks? And do you think one of those girls would fuck in an otaku room full of anime posters? Maybe they would if you are loaded with money, or if you really good at picking up girls. Are you one of those?

I thought she'd be just as eager for a relationship as me. Seemed she wasn't. When walking, our mutual attraction was good enough for me to think she could be as well looking for more. I also don't see sex and a relationship necessarily linked to each other. Seemed she wanted to go the more traditional way.

Or maybe she was just looking for more than your mother taking care of you, handing her to you as girlfriend to get that taken care of.

Then later it's revealed, and you may find it hard to believe, that you are actually just horny. Well let me tell you, if you want to scratch that itch you are going to have to earn that yourself, mommy can't save you here.

Anyways it sucks when you fail but the key thing is just that you have to keep trying and then you will get better and understand what you do not now.