2 beta keys to give

A little girl walks into her parents' bathroom and notices for the First time, her father's nakedness.

Immediately, she is curious: he has equipment that she doesn't have. She asks, "What are those round things hanging there, daddy?"

Proudly, he replies, "Those, sweetheart, are God's Apples of Life.

Without them we wouldn't be here."

Puzzled, she seeks her mommy out and tells her what daddy has said.

To which mommy asks, "Did he say anything about the dead branch they're hanging from?"

A man sat down at a bar and told the bartender, "I bet you three hundred dollars that I can piss into the cup all the way over there on the other side of the bar and not miss a single drop."
The bartender said, "There is no way you can do that. Sure, I'll bet you three hundred dollars."
The man then begins to undo his pants and begins pissing. He starts pissing all over the bar, spraying on the bottles and the bartender, not making a single drop in the cup.
The bartender starts smiling and laughing and says, "That's it, you owe me three hundred dollars."
The man then gets up and walks over to the pool table and starts laughing and shaking hands with the men standing there. He walks back to bar, sits down and starts laughing at the bartender and hands him the money.
The bartender asks, "Why are you laughing? You just lost the bet."
The man said, "I'm laughing because I bet those guys over there one thousand dollars that I could piss all over you and your bar and you would still be laughing when I was done."

What note does a piano make falling down a mine shaft? A flat miner.

I can’t think of anything worse after a night of drinking than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they’re dead.

Two coockies sitting in the oven, one coockie tell to the other f*ck its hot in here, the other cookie says f*ck a talking cookie.

or

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“

need key lol :)

What does a blonde say when she wakes up laying on the ground underneath a standing cow?



All you guys are still Here!?!?

What's the difference between a '67 Chevy and a pile of dead babies?



I don't have a '67 Chevy in my garage!



Sry..didn't have time to read all these pages, and wanted to post something no one else would! XD

2 men are drinking beer on a 50 high flat then the other one say when i jump i get back in the 10 floor and drink an other one then the other one say no way you can do that so the men junmp and in the 10th floor he get in and go back up again and take a beer so the other one say that i gonna try to and he jumps and hit the floor and the barkeeper says SUPERMAN our so lame when you get drunk :D

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side!!!

A guy from Israel moves his family to the United States. Soon after, his mother in law dies. He is told he can either bury her in the Israel, or ship her to the US and bury her there, which will cost significantly more. He has her shipped to the US, and when his friend asks why, he said, "The last time someone was buried in Israel they rose again in three days. No way I'm risking that."