After taking estrogen for three months!

"

ScrotieMcB wrote:

I'm inclined to agree with the hormonal hypothesis, and would recommend getting tested. Unlike psychological disorders (or lack thereof) it's objective whether you have low testosterone or not.

I also recommend trying to interact with interesting, well-informed, brilliant people in real life. I understand this is difficult; I agree that stupidity is rampant in the general population. I suspect your friends act more as a substitute for comradery than the real thing; perhaps you're afraid to get to the root cause of the drain you feel. But you should aspire for deeper connections instead of giving up and relying solely on the internet for intelligent conversation. Keep in mind that many intelligent people share your cynicism and are initially inclined to believe all they meet, including you, are zombies. Bit of a hedgehog's dilemma.

As mentioned earlier, I'm a bit anti-social. Thankfully I do have friends offline that are well-informed and level-headed. That's really only four people, but hey it's a start, right? I trust all of them and have spoken to them about this, too. Most of their responses are the same. Critical thinking puzzle to look for all possible causes, and suggested actions to all possible symptoms. When faced with the hypothetical "what if it's none of the above", they've all just congratulated me on avoiding chaos. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I like females, but I can't deal with them on an emotional level. I don't care if you're suffering from hormonal issues are are irritable due to it. If you annoy me, I'm gonna let you know, and I'm probably not gonna be nice about it. I got no patience for emotional sensitivity. Whether it's from females or males. That's just the way my brain is wired. I can't help it. I've always been like this. There are people like me out there who've learned to "fake" empathy, just to be in normal relationships. But I'm not into theatrics.

So yeah, there is a huge difference between someone who's gay and someone who just can't deal with females on a social/emotional level. Some people who are single sometimes might get accused of being gay when they're totally not.

"

MrSmiley21 wrote:

I like females, but I can't deal with them on an emotional level. I don't care if you're suffering from hormonal issues are are irritable due to it. If you annoy me, I'm gonna let you know, and I'm probably not gonna be nice about it. I got no patience for emotional sensitivity. Whether it's from females or males. That's just the way my brain is wired. I can't help it. I've always been like this.

So yeah, there is a huge difference between someone who's gay and someone who just can't deal with females on a social/emotional level. Some people who are single sometimes might get accused of being gay when they're totally not.

I feel you there. On the second part. Being anti-social tends to avoid the PMS problems.

Emotions are confusing for my brain to process. Like "Uh?.......ok". This means I find humor in situations that aren't appropriate. I also get angry over things normal people wouldn't get pissed about. I might not get mad over things some people would get mad over as well.

Like yesterday, there was a flock of birds in a tree outside my window chirping. This triggered rage in me. I found the noise to be insanely annoying. So I went outside with a broom stick and started tapping on tree branches and throwing stuff up in the tree to get the birds out. An hour later, they came back, so I grabbed the mossberg 12 gauge instead. Birds didn't come back because birds were dead. I'm outside of the city limits, so this was perfectly legal. I still hear one birdie chirping in the tree, but it sounds like a hungry chick chirping who's mommy probably got wasted yesterday. I find this noise to be hilarious. Normal people wouldn't let something like birds chirping in a tree bother them.

Oh, Smiley.

Speaking of shooting birds, lol. This brought back memories. Hilarious memories. So I thought I'd share.

When I was 11 years old, I used to hang out with a few kids in the area. We'd do stupid shit like a lot of kids would. There was this bull over in a field near my buddies house. And we were shooting pop cans and stuff with BB guns. So I go over to the fence and take aim at this bull's nutsack. It was hanging down way low. My first shot, miss. It was a decent distance away. Buddy walks over and was like "What are you doing?". I told him to watch and see. Next shot, I nailed that mother fucker right in his nutsack. I heard the most aggressive "MOOOOH", then it starts bucking and kicking around randomly. When it stopped, it's ass was facing me which means I had another shot at it's nutsack, so I took it, then it "MOOOOOOHs" again, then goes thrashing off in the distance. Rekt.

LOL, more memories.

I was like 13-14 years old, and there was some shit going around that made my dad really paranoid. I think it was "West Nile Virus", or something like that. He was saying how "If you see lots of dead birds, let me know". The teenage troll in me has an epiphany. So I take the BB gun, and go around and kill about a dozen birds. After mowing the lawn, I tell my dad "There are about a dozen dead birds in the yard". I could see the panic in his eyes after I told him. It took everything in my power, every bit of self control just to keep a straight face at that moment. He was like "You didn't touch them, did you?". No. He starts to get paranoid and talks about calling the CDC. Once again, it was incredibly hard for me to keep a straight face, because every muscle in my face wanted to burst out in laughter. So I was like, uh, I could just get some gloves, and a shovel, and put them in a pile and burn them? Because, it could take weeks for the CDC to get out here, and by then a cat or some other animal might eat the birds and spread the virus. And that's exactly what I did. Every time I went and mowed the yard after that, he would always ask about dead birds, lol.

Although I'm at a loss with Abdul, Mr Smiley looks like a clear-cut case. Unless he's trolling. Again. If he isn't, well, at least he is easily amused, I guess :D

"

MrSmiley21 wrote:

I like females, but I can't deal with them on an emotional level. I don't care if you're suffering from hormonal issues are are irritable due to it. If you annoy me, I'm gonna let you know, and I'm probably not gonna be nice about it. I got no patience for emotional sensitivity. Whether it's from females or males. That's just the way my brain is wired. I can't help it. I've always been like this. There are people like me out there who've learned to "fake" empathy, just to be in normal relationships. But I'm not into theatrics.

I identify as psychopath-by-nature, but I try to avoid being one in practice. Studies of psychopaths and their life success, happiness surveys, etc, essentially show that emotionalism is, to some extent, an evolved adaptation, and being without it puts one at a net disadvantage - it is a weakness, not a strength.

I don't really buy the story that psychopaths are incapable of emotion; instead, I see it as optional. I believe the rational part of me is always in full control of whether I get happy, sad, angry. (I did check into a mental hospital for depression once, but not being because I felt irrational sadness, but because I had come to a calm, reasoned conclusion that I was, by my own value system, a horrible person undeserving of redemption, and could not break myself free of my own reasoning.) When feelings are in manual instead of automatic, the inclination is to avoid directing the negative feelings inward and the positive feelings outward, to be selfish with them; you won't have trouble finding psychopaths willing and able to direct joy and acceptance inward, rage and contempt ourtward.

But there is something more important than oneself out there. No, not other people, not God, fuck that noise; truth and justice is what I'm talking about. Reality is the ultimate arbiter of our actions, self-delusion our greatest foe. When you embrace that, perhaps you can find the value in guilt and in empathy. We can improve ourselves by being emotionally honest about our misdeeds, and in understanding the value of others. Just, um, don't overdo it; years of supressed guilt flooding in at once is a motherfucker, especially when backed by cold logic.

Oh, and yeah, something about us psychopaths and murdering innocent birds. I've done it too, many years ago. Alka-seltzer and bread at the beach. Why? Broke up with girlfriend after she joined PETA.

"

ScrotieMcB wrote:

Oh, and yeah, something about us psychopaths and murdering innocent birds. I've done it too. Alka-seltzer and bread at the beach. Why? Broke up with girlfriend after she joined PETA.

A neighbor used to have a dog that would get into my fucking garbage can. I don't know the exact breed, probably a mutt, but it looked Great Dane-ish. Some spoiled hamburger meat marinated in antifreeze, with some glass mixed in solved that problem. The glass was probably overkill. But I'm a believer that overkill is the best kinda kill.

But yeah I agree, lots of us end up simply adapting to the way society is out of necessity, not that we're really committed to it. I've actually tried, and failed at doing that. I'm at the point now where I no longer give a shit about adapting.

It's not that I'm incapable of emotions, it's that I have a tendency to inappropriately express them. I laugh at things that most people find shocking, and get pissed off at things most would shrug off. I'd say on average, I'm still way less emotional than most. People who are overly sensitive annoy me. Especially dudes. I just feel like backhanding sensitive guys.