Funny Jokes and memes!

A guy goes into the doctor's office for a checkup, and the doctor returns with the results. The doctor says, "Well, I have two pieces of bad news unfortunately. First, you have cancer." The patient gasps, in shock at the horrible news.
"What's the other bad news, doc?", he asks.
The doctor responds, "You also have Alzheimer's."
The patient looks relieved and says, "Alzheimer's! That's it? Well, at least I don't have cancer!"

I didnt sleep last night cause i was trying to remember if i have insomnia or amnesia

An old man is sitting in a rocking chair on his front porch when a little kid walks by with bunches of chicken wire in his arms. The old man stops him.
"Hey kid, what're you plannin' on doin' with all that there chicken wire?"
"I'm gonna catch me some chickens!"
"Don't be silly, kid. You can't catch chickens with chicken wire."
A couple hours later, the kid walks back carrying nine or ten gorgeous roosters in his hands. The old man is amazed, scratching his head.
The next day, the kid passes by again. This time he has rolls and rolls of duct tape.
"What're you doin' with all that duct tape?"
"I'm gonna catch me some ducks!"
"Kid, you're crazy - you can't catch no ducks with duct tape."
The kid walks on, and about an hour later he comes back with a dozen or so beautiful mallards - he can hardly carry them all.
The next day, the kid passes carrying bundles of pussy willows.
The old man says, "I'll go get my hat!"

There were three guys on a plane. One bit into an apple, thought it was too sweet. He threw it out the window. The second guy bit into a lemon, thought it was too sour, threw it out the window. The third guy bit into a grenade, thought it was too crunchy and threw it out the window.
When the plane landed, they got off and saw a lil girl crying. they ask, "lil girl, why are u crying?" She says, " An apple fell out of the sky and hit my cow on the head and now he's dead." Then the men see a lil boy crying. The men ask, "lil boy, why are u crying?" The lil boy says," A lemon fell out of the sky and hit my dog on the head and now she's dead" The men keep walking until they find a blond woman laughing histarically. They ask," woman, why are u laughing so histarically?" She says,"I just farted and that building blew up"

An elderly couple goes to Burger King and shares their fries and burger. A trucker sitting next to them offers to pay for the old lady. "It's all right," says the old man. "We always share everything." On seeing that the old lady has not eaten anything, the trucker once again makes an offer. The old man once again assures the trucker to stay calm and resumes eating. Finally, the trucker asks the lady about not eating anything. The old lady replies, " I am waiting for the teeth."

A member of Congress is walking down the streets of Washington late in the night. He is surrounded by muggers and is asked to give all his money. The Congress member says, "I am one of the members of Congress." The muggers say, "Sorry boss!"

Two friends who were playing golf on a fine morning saw a funeral procession passing by. One of the friends who was about to hit the ball, stopped mid-way, took off the cap and bowed down. The other friend was overwhelmed by this gesture and asked him, "You are kind and truly a gentleman. I have never seen such a thoughtful person. The friend replied, "Yes, I was married to her for 35 years."