McGuyver
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Ok I wrote this a while ago but whatever
Expect nothing. Mcguyver had protested the alliance from the start, but necessary times call for necessary measures. Seventeen people had been kidnapped by gorilla's using guerilla warfare techniques. he had to talk to the experts. John Rambo crawled out from under a makeshift shelter. "I just have one thing to ask you... WHO DREW FIRST BLOOD??" "OK MON" THE JAMAICAN JUMPED OUT FROM THE BEHIND A BUSH ITS A SUPER TEAM NOW, THOUGHT MCGUYVER JOHN RAMBO AGREED TO JOIN THE TEAM AFTER FINDING OUT THAT THEY DREW FIRST BLOOD. AND THE JAMAICAN WAS THERE TO BOOST MORALE SO THEY STALKED INTO THE DEEPEST OF WOODLANDS PAST THE MARSH OF MISTER TANDER, THE MARSH-MAN HE DID NOT CAUSE THEM ANY PROBLEMS BECAUSE RAMBO KNEW THE RIGHT WAY TO GO THEN THEY HAD TO CROSS THE PLAINS OF ASHROSON AND IT WAS A BORING WALK MCGUYVER LEARNED 4 NEW SKILLS WHILE THEY TRAVELED INCLUDING FIREBALL AND FIREBALL II THEN THEY REACHED THE JUNGLE OF ETERNAL JUNGLE SUDDENLY FIRE WAS AT THEIR BACK "DONT TURN AROUND, ITS SCARY", SAID THE JAMAICAN JOHN RAMBO TURNED AROUND! HE WAS SHREDDED BY FEAR AND REDUCED TO TEARS THAT DECIMATED HIS DIGNITY. MCGUYVER WAS MUCH CRAFTIER. HE USED A PERISCOPE TO VIEW THE FIRE WITHOUT TURNING AROUND, AND THAT WAS HOW HE KNEW THAT GUERILLA GORILLAS WERE ATTACKING IN SECRET. HE USED A FLAMABLE POWER LONG LOST TO MANKIND TO SET THEM ON FIRE. BUT THEY WERE FIRE PROOF, EVEN WHEN HIT WITH SUPER FIRE! They were in a tight spot. Tied up in the gorilla fortress of urgency and emotionally scarred from the scary fire that had eventually overtaken them. The Jamaican was unconscious and Rambo wept in a pool of his own urine. McGuyvers mind was ablaze with brilliance, as per normal. His brilliance levels were normal, but right now he needed them boosted to SUPER-NORMAL levels. Using some startdust from the ground and the crunched DNA of a scarab beetle, he created a chemical to artificially boost his intellect 100%. They didn't have much time left! --------------------------------- Gorbo The Best, lord of the gorilla lords and last of the line of Don Legacy, first of the lords of the gorilla lords, walked up to the cage where his newest captives were captured. "Ho Ho Ho, my plan was fool proof, and most importantly, MCGUYVER PROOF! Ho Ho Ho", the very overweight gorilla slapped his overly round belly in jest, "The senator will pay handsomely for samples of your brain! And then, an army of super-gorilla's imbued with McGuyver level intellect! The world will be at our mercy!" "Don't you mean at HIS mercy! The senator holds none to his standing, what cost is the freedom of your people????" "A punch is all we can afford, you see, his victory will be short lived! Now to the extraction chambers!" McGuyver smiled and smirked both inwardly and outwards as the menacing guards yanked him from the chamber. John Rambo and the Jamaican made a daring escape shortly after McGuyver had been ushered out of the chambers. They managed to usurp the prisoners using polished combat techniques and smooth regae beats to distract the gorilla guardsmans. But as they rushed to the extraction chamber to rescue their friend, they were faced with a choice they had never expected, and had no means to decide upon without a panel of educated scholars. Or someone smarter than all scholars? But without McGuyver, where would they find such men??? ------------------- It was nearly half an hour later when the two men burst into the extraction chamber. The broken body of McGuyver lay bloodied on a bench. A gaping head wound in his head. The Jamaican ran up and knelt down beside him. "No Mon! MON! If only we was faster!" McGuyvers mouth twisted into a smirk as he eyes crept open slowly, "Don't stress it friend, you did hang on to that serum, right?" The Jamaican RUMMAGED through his rainbow colored knappack and pulled out a vial, "Ja Mon, Here it is Mon." McGuyver sat up and drank it down in one quick gulp. "McGuyver, they are getting away in a Jeep!", Rambo had his gun aimed out the front window of the extraction chamber. "Hold off John, they won't be getting far." -------------------------- Gorbo was filled with mirth as his assistant Jackor retold the story of their stunning trick. "It was so tricky, man, you don't even know, except you do, cuz you were there, and you set it up, but man, you had to be there." "I was there, but yes, it was brilliant, Ho Ho Ho!", Gorbo smacked his belly in laughter as the Jeep rummaged down the yellow brick road, holding the key to the ascension of his people. The brain tissue samples were in the secret case under the blackest blanket in the back of the jeep. They had to protect it from every substance or the harvest would be in vain. -------------------------- Using a splinter haphazardly pried from the bench, McGuyver patched up his wounded skull while whimsically describing the events of that fortnight. "You see, I knew that the only reason they would bother kidnapping those people was to get to me and that is why I prepared that serum which I gave to you last night." The Jamaican remembered last night: McGuyver: Take this serum. Jamaican: Ok "Of course mon! That's where I got it mon!" "Knowing that they would want to harvest my brain at the optimal time, I made no secret of the super intelligence potion that i created." John Rambo remembered earlier in the cell: McGuyver: Take this potion Rambo: Ok "How did you know that we would need copies of that potions to be smart enough to make the ultimate choice?", Rambo was dubious. "Elementary, my dear! The Gorilla's, knowing that I would already be in captivity would have a problem only I could solve, an irrefutable conundrum! So I secretly split it up into three portions. But what really took the cake was that that formula is like, SUPER SPECIFIC. Before I drank mine, I pinched a little too much stardust off the ground, putting my potion into a hyperbolic state!" "Risky business mon! Me bro Dante took some hyperbolic acid and tripped up into a pile of ashes mon." "Precisely. Upon drinking the potion my brain began a series of biochemical changes that were SO intense! If I hadn't chugged that antidote that you were holding for me.. well.." That was when they heard like such a loud bang from outside. It was pretty loud. "That's pretty loud. So you got them?", Rambo was smoking the biggest fucking cigar very nonchalantely. "Fuck yeah man. Fuck yeah!" "But what aboot the senator mon!", the Jamaican wondered. "Oh don't you worry about him. You see I also knew that he had too much riding on this procedure to entrust it to a bunch of damn dirty apes." McGuyver used his intellect to know exactly what happened: As the Jeep piled recklessly down the highway and Gorbo laughed menacingly, his assistant, Jackor, secretly unzipped his gorilla suit. IT WAS THE SENATOR. "You're fucked!" He shouted as he pulled a gun from out of his trousers. "You! But how!" Gorbo insinuated. "I seduced Jackor wearing a different but similar gorilla suit and raped him TO DEATH. Then I took his place so I could watch over you. Planning to foil my plans were you?" "Raaaaa! I AM GORBO", as Gorbo tackled the senator onto the back of the Jeep and a serious brawl ensued. Neither of them even noticed the hideous smoke emenating from the box beneath the blanked below where they fought and shot and bit eachother vigorously. There was no decided victor when the explosion took place, vaporizing them both. "Oh man, you had to be there. It was so good", McGuyver laughed as he slapped his favorite companions on the back, "Or at least be so smart you knew exactly what happened, like me. It was really really funny." |
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What da fuq did i just read...
Did i get trolled ... Rick Rolled ... Was good while it lasted, Cheers. GGG - Why you no?
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" Monthy Phyton Mk2 " No. " No. And i agree, the movies are better. Its just sad that todayspeople cant come up with enough imagination to make an movie out of the script. So long, always look at the bright side of life, .. .. .. .. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JcKqhDFhNHI
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Standard Forever Last edited by iamstryker on Dec 31, 2012, 3:09:56 AM
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This story is best practice
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The unruly mob stopped for brunch at a del-taco. They had been unruly since noon but it was getting late and they were hungry. McGuyver walked up and lectured them on their behavior. They were far too unruly to be lectured. Plus they had a dps of like 50. Suddenly they attacked McGuyver and curb stomped him a whole bunch. But it was a trick! Suddenly the real McGuyver drove over the unruly mob in a dune buggy!
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The guy was on the road. Suddenly McGuyver burst up through the pavement and destroyed him utterly. But it turned out the guy was actually McGuyver and McGuyver was actually Satan, but Satan had failed to actually destroy McGuyver utterly because he had been displayed using a series of mirrors! Satan was captured by the ghost busters.
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A new super drug to aid incontinence had secretly been spiked with poison and it would kill 200 people if McGuyver didn't stop it. Then McGuyver stopped it.
THE END |
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yah i didnt know what to expect when i clicked this thread
IGN- Isiander
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