McGuyver

I find the lack of beard disturbing!

McGuyver set foot on the last place he would ever set foot. This is because his legs would shortly be amputated by a laser beam. This was all according to plan. He had secretly planted bombs inside each of his legs so that after they were cut off they would remain behind as a message of doom to his assailants.

They were super laser squad 60. McGuyver had already fought super laser squads 1-59, and knew most of their moves. He had heard, however, that super laser squad 60 had a new move. It was called move number 5.

"I wonder what move number 5 is", McGuyver told his companion Josh.

"No clue."

Suddenly Josh exploded into a mist of desecrated corpses as move number 5 hit him in the face. Move number 5 was fifty lasers all at once. McGuyver laughed, good, they had taken the bait. He did a roll which he flunked on purpose and his legs were severed off by laser fire. He quickly patched the stumps and forged epic level crutches out of a nearby garbage can.

He crutched around the corner and waited until the bombs went off.

"Haha I won again"

Hhahahahah Nice

BUT REALLY DAFAQ

Thanks SIR!

McGuyver is part of our heritage and I am just paying homage to the greatest man of all men

When McGuyver went to bed that night, he had nightmares of his time in Sanfransisco. He remembered when John died, and when Steve died, and also when Ted died. He could see them plummeting to their doom from the fifty foot drop on the tower, and how he had failed to build a trampoline out of old tires and a homeless mans pile of old coats in time.

It was all his fault, and he felt the nightmares would haunt him until the day he died.

Suddenly he woke up in a cold sweat, it was 4:21 AM and he was shaking like a paint shaker on meth.

It didn't add up. His plan had been perfectly executed and his timing impecible! He got out of bed and went over to his computer, where he started pulling up the files of the three agents that had died. Holy fuck! The files were gone! It was like they had never been secret agents at all. He quickly hacked every database and found the files. They existed, but they had been hidden. He traced the ip route to a tower in London. Oh no. The tower was owned by Mendozza.

What did that fat fuck have to do with any of this?

Suddenly he knew there was an attacker in his home. Without revealing his knowledge he started pulling keys off his keyboard and converted the internal workings of the device into ten bombs. When the man rushed him from the bathroom he lobbed the bombs at the mans kneecaps and incapacitated him.

"WHO ARE YOU???", McGuyver smacked the dude in the face.

The man started laughing at him and ate ten cyanide pills, and then McGuyver ran, because he knew that if someone ate ten cyanide pills then they would explode in a very dangerous cyanide explosion that kills everyone it touches.

He hid behind his kitchen table and fashioned all of his tuperware into a tent like structure. When the man exploded he was safely protected.