Something Important for all Players of POE

church of the kiting fool

I suppose you are curious about what I have to talk with you about. Today I shall endeavor to enlighten you in the glories of RNGesus and the church of the Kiting fool. I realize many of you have never let RNGesus into your life or have mistaken our Lord RNGesus as being against you. This is not the case. RNGesus loves you and wishs to make you stronger. RNGesus wants to be allowed into your hearts so that he can make you, yes you, a better gamer. For too long too many of you have blasphemed against RNGesus, claiming that he hates you. He does not. When RNGesus has not blessed you this means you have become complacent or worse yet have not sacrificed at the alter of RNGesus.

You do not know the Alter of RNGesus? Then you must seek it out! YOU must come to RNGesus for RNGesus will not come to you. You must let RNGesus help you become stronger. We here at the Church of the Kiting Fool can help you find RNGesus. We, along with our sisters from the nunnery of St. Tank and the Monks of St. Healer will be your guides to RNGesus. We will help you master the rites nessesary to fully understand RNGesus's ways.

Many of you are thinking that RNGesus hates you because of Desync. This is not true. Desync is a test of the worthy. Desync is the trial of fire by which RNGesus finds you worthy to advance. Learning to live with and Love Desync is but the first step. Stop being afraid and learn to love the Desync.

Many of you are thinking RNGesus hates you because you have not gotten that 6L yet after weeks or months of trying. This is because you have not performed the rites correctly. You have not sacrificed enough at the alter of RNGesus. This is okay though, you can move past this. You can regain RNGesus's favor. Follow a Nun of St. Tank and a Monk of St. Healer to the promised Alter and there upon the alter shall you sacrifice your hate and your negativity along with your Fusings.

There is much for you to learn. We of the Church of the Kiting Fool will help you. We will lead astray those that would block you from the altar of RNGesus. We kite for love, We kite for life, We are the Kiting Fools.



These are the Commandments of RNGesus:

1. Thou Shalt clear every area. The monster that goes unslain is the one that has a Mirror of Kalandra.

2. Thou shalt turn every stone and open every barrel for the one that is ignored held your exalted Orb

3. Thou shalt give thanks when RNGesus giveth, and Thou shalt be humble when RNGesus taketh.

4. Thou shalt love the Nerf-bat and accept its blessings. For it equalizes all before RNGesus.

5. Thou Shalt not hate thy fellows blessings.

6. Thou Shalt Accept the whims of Desync for it is the test from RNGesus of your worth.

7. Thou shalt laugh when RNGesus sends Hairybeard unto you and thou shalt rejoice in seeing Meatface for they bring the blessings of RNGesus.

8. Expect not the blessing of RNGesus if you have not sacrificed your fusings and jewelers at his altar

9. The Chaos Orb is holy and thou shalt treat it as such.

10. Remember to Bless RNGesus each day with a trip to the shrine and the stomping of Piety's Face.



There are more but first you must master these ten. Then can you be inducted into the deeper mysteries of RNGesus.

I am intrigued by your ideas and would like to subscribe to your newsletter!

Kind of funny but seems to me just a subtle way of telling people to just deal with desync and the lack of RNG this game supplies.

lack of RNG? What game are you playing?

I welcome and accept RNGesus in to my life.

I agree with most everything you say, but kiting is for the cowardly. I shall create the first denomination, the Church of the Tanking Fool.

anyway you can pass out some flyers with crude drawings and some text loosely associating those pictures to your message. Come to my house early in the morning and knock repeatedly if you do have such literature please.

Awesome post OP, I know RNGesus has a psuedo-plan for me :D

Blasphemer! Heretic! Chris is thy lord, our god. He sent his only son, RNGesus, to save us from bad RNG. To omit his grace is to sin the worst of sins.

We will of course burn you at the stake for such a... horrible (?) crime. Such is the way of the faithful.

Let us not forget those that have forsaken RNGesus, I speak of course of the Rogue Exiles. They have been cast into the wilds of Wraeclast never to know peace or the joys of RNGesus. Let their names be anathema and let the faithfull seek them out and lay them low.

The Prophet GGG_Chris first spoke to us of RNGesus. He brought us the beginnings and leadeth us forth. Do not forget however that it is RNGesus that gives us our reward.

The Church of the Kiting Fool welcomes all to the doors of RNGesus save those forsaken by RNGesus and are named Rogue in their exile. Let us not fight among ourselves but rather seek out RNGesus and let RNGesus into our lives

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Shagsbeard wrote:

lack of RNG? What game are you playing?

Your highest character is 63.

You gotta be kidding me if you think the RNG in this game is fine. I got 2.7k hours played (checked the other night across all characters, was 114 days or something and some odd hours) never had a tier 3 unique drop or any top tier item for that matter. Have a level 89 and 87 in Domination league, only 1 exalt found. (only one I've seen, at that)

For someone who raves about "crafting" and how great it is, how am I supposed to craft when I don't find the orbs to do so? 1 exalt between 2 characters of that high-tier. Sorry, that's a "lack" of RNG if I've ever fuckin seen it.