(HC) (SSF) Ruthless makes me feel like a noob (spell suppresion musthave?)

I play this game now since close to 11 years, after some hard grinds I figured out, that playing hardcore is more my favorite style.
Playing softcore makes your char fast overpowered, the content of the game will soon not be rewarding or challanging anymore (as long you are not that much into trading with micro minmaxing everything).
So I started hardcore, my very first char ripped in the first area by hillock cuz of bad flask utilisation, the next char also ripped during the campaign, the third hit maps and reached 85/90, I could collect all the rare items, all uniques, I made some twinks, the thrill of the possibility to rip was still arround me, but once you hit arround 85, with the right build you are less and less scared to die, as long you know the content. I traded for BiS gear, and soon the game become more and more like softcore.
I started hardcore ssf. Finally the real gameplay I was looking for!
No more the interruption of my gameplay during maps to sell some items.
No more ezpz hit the max out of your char.
You see the incredible journey of your poor exile, waking up on strand with nothing than his/her hands, a rotten weapon and a shitty skill, now blasting all the content away. Amazing!

I was wondering how ruthless will feel like...

I started hcssf ruthless, and it was a pain in the ar*e to level up threw the campaign, killing kitava was like OMG I DID IT, just to realize that mapping is far not what this char is ready for...
After far too many runs in act 10 and far too many T1 maps the char hit like 80, and finally could got higher and faster.
I hit lvl 85 or 86, and thought, hell, it is time to make a twink.

First twink died in beach close before king fight. He was far overleveled but I was too tired to play and did not realize that the char is standing in a scorcbeam.
As it was my fault, I started the char on the next day.

I love playing poe hardcore, it feels so save to not die by dc, most games feel a lot more rippy to dcs, I died many times and most of those times I have learned a lot about the game mechanics, and so performed better.
Now this time I simply have no clue.
I feel like a noob.