Of all the random stories i wrote on my phone while drunk at a bar, this one never fails to amuse
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Carno jumped from the moving truck right as the bullet ripped through his leg. The impact was a brutal frenzy of rolls across the rough gravel road. The truck screached to a stop as he drew his gun. One of the riders flew into the chasm before he could stop his bike, the other bailed just in time. The impact threw the mans gun from his hand. Suddenly Carno was at his throat.
"where is the bat man???" He screamed as he punted the man in the dick. The man laughed, "Mcguyver got him. He's already dead." Suddenly the man exploded and threw Carno seven miles. He landed unscathed and got to his feet. He already knew ross was dead even before the body knocked him off his feet. Damn, why was Mcguyver doing this? Gotham needed the bat man now thy were fucked! " You're after the wrong man" Holy fuck it was Mcguyver! Carno punched him in the dick and he fell to the ground holding his dick. "I'll kill you for what you did to the bat man!" "No! It wasnt me - and I think he's alive." Carno was taken aback, " Whaaaa?" "Medussa is using a doppleganger to tarnish my name. Last we fought she caught my reflection in that mirror of hers." "That mirror is a myth", Carno yelled, "such things can't exist" "So how", McGuyver chuckled, "do you explain surviving that explosion.?" "The technology that made me is totally different - you're talking about magic!" "Magic is simply technology we don't understand yet", Mcguyver replied, "Help me get my hands on the mirror and I can find out how." Carno paused, "How can I trust you?" "If you want to see the bat man again, I don't see that you have a choice" Carno got to his feet and did a cool stance, "Ok lets win." ------------- Medussa perched on a lamp post holding a snake, it was a Super Adder the meanest snake in the world. This specific snake had a worthy destiny. With a hop and a jump she made her way to the senators window. The man opened the window and let her in. "You're late" "Time doesn't exist", she whispered in his ear, "If there are no clocks." "What the fuck does that mean?" "Take this Super Adder and bring it to Clock Man. Send it at him when he sleeps. He trusts you." "Not enough to take a nap at my request. But i know a way. Leave the snake in the cage. I can get it into his underwear. It can bite his dick." "My thoughts exactly!", Medussa laughed as she dumped the Super Added in the cage. "What will you do when time runs out?" Medussa brushed her snake styled dreadlocks back and smiled, "Oh Marvin, time ran out a long time ago. My mission will not change." With this she pressed a button on her wrist and a flash of light burst from the mechanism around her eye glasses. The senator fell unconscious and she exited the building. Eventually he woke up wondering why the fuck does she keep doing that. -------------------- The bat man got punched within an inch of his life. Then they punched him 8 more times. He was most certainly dead. Suddenly every bad guy in the room died. Mcguyver and Carno walked out of the shadows. "Damn we are too late", Mcguyver cursed, "fuck." "No use my blood then he's invincible for five minutes", Carno cut his throat with a bowie knife and poured the blood in the bat mans mouth. His eyes fluttered and he came alive. "You die again in five minutes tell us where Medussa's base is." "It's in the sun", The bat man coughed, "you cant get there ever" "No.", Mcguyver said, "We just have to shut off the sun. Ten minutes should be enough to disarm the device." Carno scoffed, "How da fuq u plan to do that.????" "Not me", said mcguyver, "You. You have to get to the core and neutralize the hellium." Carno became sick with realization, "fuck. Thats gunna hurt." "Not nearly as much as if that device goes off." ----------------------- Clock Man finished his bacon and egger then looked at the senator in the passanger seat, "I am glad to have you on my side. The time ahead holds dark omens." "It,s a pitty", said the senator, "that your power does not let you know what these omens mean." Later that night a snake bit Clock Mans dick and he died. --------- "excellent", said Medussa right before she killed the senator, "Now when the device goes off everyone will be caught in time to suffer for eternity, as i have" Suddenly the sun went dead and everything was dark. "Interesting", she laughed, "They found my base", then she opened the mirror and rad light came out, also a doppleganger of Mcguyver. "Kill the intruders." This was a very vague order and the doppleganger couldn't see shit so it sort of just killed anyone it saw except medussa. Medussa retreated to core of the sun where she met Carno. He came at her but she flashed her glasses and knocked him out. She shot him in the face but he healed instanty then she said , "fuck it", and sealed him outside her command center. ---------- Mcguyver saw the doppleganger around a corner and took the shot. The doppleganger died with no problem the he made his way to the command center. "Medussa the jig is up" Suddenly the command center door opened and Medussa came out. "But Mcguyver.. The funs just beginning. She flashed her glasses but Mcguyver just laughed in the dimly lit darkness. "You think i would come without cancelation glasses? I know your tricks Medusa. Now tell me why must you stop time?" "My life. It was so dumb." "Is that a reason?" "600 years of suffering? You can't understand. The things I've seen", Medussa shuddered. "It is a gift to last so long. Carno knows this. Give him twelve millenia and he will not faulter. What is your beef?" Medussa sighed, "Am I wrong?" "It's not too late..", Mcguyver smiled. Suddenly Medussa kicked him in the dick. "It's never too late", she raged as she dick kicked him again, "to give up on time." She ran back to the core just as the sun came back on. "When the world knows how it really feels to live forever, then they will understand." Mcguyver just grabbed his dick, it hurt so bad he couldn't think. Medussa went to the device then entered the code. Shit was about to get real. Suddenly the bat man appeared and kicked the shit out of Medusa then started raping her unconscious body. "That is for Jamaul", Bat man shouted as he penetrated the villainous wench. "Bat man how do you live?" "That was Jamaul that died. he is my death double. I need a new one now. Give me a few more minutes", Batman said and finished fucking Medussa. "Was she tight?", Mcguyver asked. "The legends were true. Her vag is legendary." "Good. Lets disarm the device." "Bat man.. Your dick!" "Whaaaa.. Dear lord!" Batmans dick had turned into a mean snake from secret vag poison! "I'm done for!", Batman cried, "Let me detonate the device manually you get out of here!" "The world will know your sacrifice!", Mcguyver nodded to bat man and then turned to run. Carno had woken up and was in the hall. "Batmans dick is a snake we have to go!", Mcguyver yelled as he grabbed Carno. "Wait what?" "He fucked medussa!" "Dead god. What about the device?" "Bat man will get it and die in the explode. Gooooooo" So they went back to earth and bat man was known as a hero now we make movies about him but this was the real story. Last edited by DaleWinters on Oct 11, 2013, 7:32:45 PM
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I was going to post it once before i think but inwas like no its too crude but now i dgaf
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" Loool Last edited by DaleWinters on Oct 11, 2013, 7:45:50 PM
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Holy shit, you wrote that on a phone?
I can barely mete out 100 characters in a text before wanting to throw the thing against a brick wall thanks to touchscreen keyboards. I miss my old phone with a physical keyboard. :( | |
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Seri somehow ingot almost perfect at it. Like im on 3g rite now becausey local bar is gay as fuck and cut off the wifi and it so lagged and i can typle like 20 words aheadof the lag with only a few error
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Like im talkig the ieys arent even lighting up or poppig upor whatever my phone is completely frozen behind while it waits
Keys Again its not perfect but i got pretty good at it I mean i totally get the desire for a real keyboard but what u gunna do buy blackberry lol no so theres really no optipn. Gotta get use to it Last edited by DaleWinters on Oct 11, 2013, 8:11:35 PM
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" Yeah, that's where I'm at now. The only option for a physical keyboard was Blackberry and that's a failure option. Now I'm stuck with sliding my finger on a glass slate like a little kid trying to get a puppy on the other side of a window display. | |
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Take a night. Like put the whole night aside and get neo on that shit. Do whatever your drug of choice is and go all fucking zen, then just fucking do it. Not ez at first, but it will get easier.
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