Path of Life

(to help you stay with it, char lvl is x3 in human years)

Act 1 - Early Childhood

The kindergarten strand,
everything you find is fun and useful.
You have no idea how the world works, but you will soon find out.
Before you leave this place for good, you punch that one big kid real good, because he always hoarded all the toys. Your dad is proud and gives you something without mom seeing. "Nice job"...

The elementary coast,
so many bullies. You run to the teacher,
but even she joins the bullies as they all keep flaming you.
But at least you got your 3 hamster pets to keep you company.
Their life span isn't that long, but they are cheap so it's not a big deal to get new ones.

The tidal island mall,
make your way through the crowds and get yourself some new kicks.
Running fast is actually fun with the proper silver laced shoes.

The middle school mud flats,
every time on your way to school that pack of dogs keeps charging after you.
Get good grades for 3 years to unlock high school.

The fetid pool cleanup,
before you move on don't forget your first summer job.
It stinks, but at least it pays. Hey, no regrets. Actually, you do get to regret something, twice.
(Come on hands up, that was a fucking great line. I should start writing for real)

The high school passage,
things are suddenly so dark and claustrophobic. Everyone feels withdrawn, you think you know someone but realise there's someone else inside, underneath that... shell. For the first time in your life you're not sure where to go. You hit many dead ends and feel lost.
Everything is trying to hurt or block you.

The flooded depths house party,
make your way down the basement, all the way to the back room.
She's not that pretty, but it's dark so who cares? Nobody will know you just scored your first +1.
Actually they will know, you're running circles in town, lit like you've been hit by a beam of light.

The College-Ledge (wow that was easy and a total freak accident, didn't plan any of this, just winging it 'cos I'm bored),
just follow the path, you can't go wrong. Be careful though when searching for the truth though,
for example in old statues... that might *shock* you.

The job hunting climb,
you think you're the shit after clearing the College-Ledge, but get instantly pummeled by all these goat like looking guys. You'll probably make a new friend too. That chatty type with dread locks...
Your solid kush connection. You can invite her back to your place anytime, if you can bare her mystical mumbo-jumbo rants.

The lower job prison,
you thought you had skills? Wrong. This is where you get them and learn to become efficient.
There's a lot of loot to go around, but a lot of work too.
Not a fun place, you can hear the screams of agony echo through the halls far away.
There's no kitchen, no bathroom, hell not even a water cooler.
The fuck is wrong with this place?

The upper job prison,
somehow you manage to work your way up. After a few more years and stacking up the courage, you arrange a meeting with the boss. His secretary is snarky as ever, it's obvious she doesn't like you or any of your friends. She let's you in, you enter his office, and boom right off the bat this guy goes apeshit, trashing the entire room, you start yelling, he yells louder, you want a raise,
he wants to bang your girlfriend, you say fuck no, kick his ass and quit after a furious fight!
What's done is done.

Prisoner's gate,
one night in jail after the cops were waiting for you. But you're clear and good to go.
Without a job though, or anyone to recommend you. At least you don't have to grind in that prison job no longer, so that's something. You rethink your life, with the new skills you've obtained from that time spent in there. You feel lighter, free, enjoying mobility.
You bump into the secretary, who has way better connections that you at this point, and ask her for a hand. Just anything, a good word to someone, a chance... but she just mocks you while shouting "find your own way", and literally blocking the shortcut to your future. What a bitch. You know this isn't the last time you'll see her, and she's going to be trouble.

The shit graveyard,
you sink into a period of alcoholism and depression, just hitting all those flasks, wanting to go faster, wanting something to happen, but all you get is ghosts who remind you of the past.
On top of that, after digging through old memories in...

A shit graveyard cave,
you find something very old among all the junk. That's the thing your uncle was talking about for a long time, and you finally found it.
You barely make it to him in time, not knowing he is terminally ill.
Before passing away into the ether, he says something to get your spirit back up +1.
Rest in peace, uncle Fairgraves. He died a happy man, being able to take a massive hit for the last time from his first bong ever, his custom made "allflame" which he lost decades ago.

The cavern of wrath and anger,
time to face your problems, the ex wife.
It went ugly pretty fast when you realised she was merely keeping up an illusion of who she claimed to be. The fact that her spanish lover Daresso created a rivalrous love triangle didn't help either.
You make your way to her, it's a intense fight, she's as cold as ever, throwing icy insults and spewing geysers of lies! You dodge them all and settle things for good, leaving her defeated and in tears. Time to start your midlife crisis, it's a jungle out there...

(reserved)

Act 2 and 3

LOL! This is hilarious. :-)

Huge contrast between this comedic gold and your latest rage/quit/troll thread.