You may not want to read this

The door opened and a small nondescript man entered followed by a much larger and by his looks, dimmer man. I remained seated and left my legs up on the edge of the desk. I needed a new client if I was going to stay in business, but I wasn't about to let them know that.
“Mr. Yu?” the man asked. His companion was busy looking over the office as if a bogeyman might jump out.
“No.” I corrected him. “I'm Moon, Yu is just for tax purposes. Hope you understand.” I flashed him a smile full of teeth, but he seemed oblivious.
“How much do you know about Wreaclast Mythology?” He asked. I have had some strange questions asked before, but this one was from out of nowhere. I didn't even bother to lie.
“Never heard of it.” I replied, taking my feet off the desk. My right foot was beginning to fall asleep.
“Hardly surprising.” The man responded and left it hanging there. I normally can smell a bullshit artist a mile away, but there was something about this man that was nagging at the back of my brain. I gave him a hard look and he simply stood there staring back with blank look on his face. Must be one hell of a poker player.
“Well, can we cut the small talk?” I asked, “No one comes to see me just to talk.”
“Indeed.” He said. “Your reputation is why I am here. My Employer has a need for your..., special service.” He raised one eyebrow on that last bit and I had to contain a laugh. It looked like something out of a Mike Myers film. But I still needed money and soon, so back to business.
“Your Employer? I inquired.
“Is not your concern Mr Moon, only that you will except the mission I have been instructed to hire you for.” He sounded slightly peeved for some reason, but his buddy was now looking over his shoulder out into the hallway.
“My concern is my fee. One, I need to know who to bill and two, it's non-negotiable.” I put my feet back on the desk. “Plus expenses.” I added. He didn't even blink, but held out his hand. The larger man, who without ever looking back away from the hallway, handed him a thick envelope from inside his jacket. The man held it for a moment and then threw it on the desk in front of me.
“Consider yourself hired. If you need to contact me, I can be reached at the Hyatt under the name Whale, Epsilon Whale. Now I suggest that you research the Wreaclast legend of the Vessel of Udja. You will be contacted after you do.” And with that, he and the heavy the office. I waited until I heard the elevator arrive and the doors shut again before tearing the envelope open. Inside was fifty large. Ten times my normal payment!
Shit was going to get real. No one pays a Shadow like me for that kind of money unless the odds of survival were very small. But what else was I going to do? First thing was to pay my back rent on this hole. I picked up the phone and called the landlady and told her I would stop by on my way out, so please don't change the locks today. It was a joke, she would have a hard time getting anyone to pay rent on this shithole and she knew it. But I had to be careful with her. Peachii may come across as a sweet girl from next door, but she had a dark side to her that scared me. I sensed crossing her would get me banned. Banned six feet under.!

I needed information fast I knew of the one person that would have it. Daemon was a mysterious man. I tried, but I couldn't pinpoint his nationality. He claimed to be a Buddhist Monk, but they don't eat bacon and I have watched him down it like it was going out of style. There were other inconsistencies, but that was none of my business. No, it was his knowledge of things that normal people would never even be bothered to know that made him important to me.
“Herbert.” I said as I extended my hand.
“”Alex.” He corrected me, staring at my hand like it was a week old dead fish. I knew his name, but I loved teasing him. I also knew about his problem with other people touching him. I withdrew my hand, but then clasped him on the shoulder.
“You know I hate you. Right?” He said.
“Wouldn't have it any other way!” I retorted and we enjoyed a laugh. “But I have need of the gigantic brain of yours. Ever hear of Wreaclast?” I asked casually, but his reaction was disturbing.
“Who sent you?!” He demanded and went to the front window to peek out behind the blinds. I just stood there waiting. I didn't have to wait long. He turned back to me and the look on his face said it all. The money and now this. I was getting into something I may not want to.
“I really don't know. Yet. But I was hired to find something called the Vessel of U something.” I was going to continue, but he cut me off.
“Udja. The Vessel of Udja!” He had turned whiter than he normally looked. “God has it really come to this?”
“Come to what?” I asked.
'You really don't know do you?” He commented, but didn't let me answer. “The Vessel of Udja is the most sacred of all Wreaclast artifacts. It is said to be guarded by the Charon himself!' My expression must have given away my ignorance. He stare would have been withering to a lesser man, but I was made of sterner stuff. “You really are just a fucking Noob.” He sneered. I might have taken offense if I knew what that meant, but I let slide. For now.
“Just give me the short story. I'm in a hurry.” I shot back.
“To die or to destroy the world?” He asked sweetly. I shuddered at his smile. I had never seen him smile before and never wanted to see it again!
“I plan to do neither, but destroying the world is never out of the question.” It was a sarcastic comeback, but I used it to mask the fear now growing inside.
He looked around a bit and seemed lost for a moment, but then raised a finger to indicate for me to wait. Strange. I was already waiting. “Come with me.” He commanded and waved his hand at a wall. I was amazed to see the wall fade away to reveal a stairway heading down.
As we descended the stairs, torches seemed to magically light as we neared. I wasn't buying it and said as much. Alex's shoulders slump a little and he admitted that they were motion senors that lit the torches. I didn't ask about the wall. That one was still freaking me out.
At the bottom of the stairs he turned to me and said “you are to speak of nothing you see from here on out.”
“Because most of it's stolen right?” I inquired.
“Yeah.” He answered with his head down. “But still, I stole it from places you don't want to know about.” For now I added mentally.

The Room was large and full of assorted junk sprawled across several tables. I looked at Alex and he shrugged. “I organize it some day, but I'm a busy man.” He waited for me slip in a zinger, but I like to keep people guessing too and said nothing. He just shook his head slowly and then lead me to a table that was covered with a white cloth. He pulled the cloth up and dust went everywhere!
“Really?!” I shouted between sneezes.
“Sorry, I trying to be dramatic.” He apologized.
After the dust settled enough that I could see again, I saw a map of a place I couldn't recognize. The names of the cities and other places read like a foreign language and I said so.
“It's the Continent of Wreaclast Of course the names sound foreign. Its a foreign land.” He said with a don't be so dumb tone. I glared at him, but he ignored it long enough for me to give up and study the map again.
“Now I seem to remember something about there being only seven continents. So unless fifth grade got it wrong, this doesn't make sense.” I said and he nodded.
“Its taught that way on purpose. There are really nine continents. Atlantis you may be familiar with, but its mostly resorts for the filthy rich now. No, Wreaclast is the one that only those that need to know, know about.” He said with relish.
“Then how do you know about it?” I wondered under my breath, but loud enough for him to hear. He pursed his lips and sighed heavily.
“Why do I put up with you?” He paused. “No really! All you ever do insult me and make fun of my extensive knowledge!”
“Masochism?” I replied sweetly and he laughed.
“Fucking asshole. You really are, but at least you're entertaining!” He was laughing again.
“I hate to interrupt this love fest, but what about this Vessel of..?”
“Udja.” He finished my question for me. “It's said to contain a force of nature so powerful that ever released it would destroy the world.” That's why it's guarded by the Charon A deity of incredible power. And to reach him you must first get past the seven tests of something called Bembi or Bambi, I'm not sure about that one, best the Solwitch and locate the mythical Vakirauta!”
“Oooook.” I drawled out. Charon? A minor God?” I asked with wide eyes.
“He's probably a myth, but if it is to be believed he is the keeper of the Sacred Knowledge and Defender of the Forum.”
“Now I know you are trying to help, but I'm lost. Lost back about ten minutes ago.” I said. “What Forum and why does it need guarding?” I asked.
“I'm not really sure about that one either to tell you the truth. Its mostly second hand stuff from previous visitors to Wreaclast that claim to have faced him and survived, but most are mad and their ramblings are not well organized if even coherent most of the time.” He shrugged again. “But you wanted to know and this is what I know.”
“Then please go on.” I replied taking out my pad to keep notes, but Daemon scowled at the pad and said,
“No notes. Listen and listen well, your life is going to depend on it!” I also frowned and put the pad away. I preferred to keep notes as I can be easily distracted sometimes. Especially when bored. Like now. He must have read my mind.
“Boring you am I?” he sneered. “Come to me for information and this is how you treat me?”
“That one hurt Alex.” I lied, “You know I love you man, its just I find most of this too crazy to be real and I already have a short attention span..,” I let it trial off.
“Seriously, you want to make it back alive?” He asked and I nodded yes. “Then get your head out of your ass and listen carefully. There is but one way to get to Wreaclast that I know of and that is by sea. There isn't any GPS or other navigational aids available on purpose. The U.N. Has made sure that all satellites stay the fuck away as well as aircraft and shipping. Use to do the same with Atlantis, but they decided to hide that in plain sight.” He said watching me closely.
“Atlantis? Really?” I asked.
“Ever been to Aruba?” He asked. “Like I said, its mostly for the filthy rich now and no one notices that the 'island' is actually tens times its size of record. And even more of it is under the ocean's floor.” I could tell he was enjoying being in the know when I was not, but I let it slide. There were more important matters at hand.
“So were is this Wreaclast located?” I asked. He rolled his eyes a little and sighed heavily.
“I was getting to that!” He exclaimed. “You just, just...,” He was at a loss for words so I finished it for him.
“Drive you nuts?” I asked nicely with a smile and he smiled back. Again I wish I hadn't seen it. Gave me the creeps like nothing else could!
“Ever been to New Zealand?” He inquired, but didn't wait for me to answer again. “The fastest way there is to fly to New Zealand and find a man called Luca. But watch your step. He may be GGG.” He said in a hushed tone like he was afraid of saying the name.
“GGG?” I asked “I thought they were just a rumor.” I said, but he shook his head and put a finger up to his lips.
“Do not underestimate the GGG, they are extremely powerful and will be watching you. Probably watching you right now. Do not cross them, that's all I can say about them.” His eyes were darting about the room like he had conjured them up by simply speaking their name. “Now do me the great service and get the fuck out of here. You've been here too long already.”

I left Daemon's and hailed a cab. I needed to get back to the office and fire up the old Wiki. It was beginning to rain and the wisps of heat coming off the street always made me smile. Reminded me of my misspent youth in Florida. But the clouds were threatening more than rain and I hurried to get in the cab. Should have looked first.
Sitting with a gun out pointed at me was the one they call Fire Kid. I refused to be intimidated and smiled back at him.
“Moon, a pleasure to finally meet you.” He said with a thin lipped smile. “I'm a little disappointed at how easy it was to find you.”
“Don't worry kid, I'm more fun in real life.” I joked
“Always the smart-ass aren't you?” His smile vanished, but I grinned even wider. He didn't know it, but the road we were on had a seriously bad pot hole and in the rain his driver would never see it. As if on cue the front tire went into it and jarred the car hard. I expected it and lunged a fist right into the kid's face before he could recover!
Now I had the gun and the kid was out. Glass jaw, who would have known? “Stop the car.” I order the driver, but he kept driving. “Stop the car or the next stop sign you're a dead man.” I pushed the gun into the back of the seat. That got his attention.
“Relax Moon, Just taking you to the Wharf.” He said. “Told the kid he didn't need the gun, but you know punks these days.”
“Cronk?” I asked.
“Yup. Long time Moon. When was it? Seattle right?” He asked
Seattle, that brought back memories. I smiled, rolled the window down and threw the clip out. Two turns later I threw the rest of the gun out. I knew Cronk knew I hated guns, but I saw him relax a little.
“Why the wharf?” I asked.
“The man told me to get you to the wharf and I don't ask any questions. Much easier than being a Shadow these days and the pay is better too. Now sit back and enjoy the ride.” He never even looked in the mirror. Confident bastard! But I sat back and did some thinking. Cronk was one of the best and he and I had butted heads before looking for the same objects, but our encounters usually ended up at the nearest bar until one of us passed out and the other stole everything. Not a prefect arrangement, but we had a good time trying not to let the other win.
The kid started to stir and looked blankly at me while he tried to get his head straight. I smiled and punched him again. Teach that fucker to pull a gun on me! I thought about taking his watch and wallet too, but the Taxi pulled up to a warehouse and Cronk said to get out. I shrugged and got out. He pulled away, but only to turned around and he slowed as he went past. “Watch your ass on this one, smells fishy.” he said and then drove off into the fog that was rolling in. I stood there until his tail lights vanished and then turned to look around at my surroundings. I had been to the wharfs many times on my endeavors, but couldn't recall this section. It looked and smelled old.
Nor were there the sounds of a normal working wharf. Just the gentle swishing of the tide around the pilings. Not even a seagull to be seen. I stood there not moving. It was getting darker by the minute as the fog was getting really thick. I thought about walking away from the job. Cronk was right. This job was fishy and fishy jobs had disaster written all over them. Only a light came on over the door nearest me. With nothing else to do, I went to it and opened the door.
Talk about anti-climatic. The warehouse was just a warehouse and well lit. I could see workers on forklifts and a supervisor directing them. Then a hand touched my shoulder and I almost shit myself!
“Sorry, didn't mean to startle you.” It was the heavy from the office. I regained my composure and gave him a good looking over. I had thought him the hired goon type, but he was neatly dressed and polite. I couldn't place his accent, but I could tell he was educated. “If you would please follow me.” He said.

The flight to New Zealand was a long one and I personally hate flying. It did help that when I showed up for the flight, my ticket was upgraded to first class due to my reward points. I didn't argue, but I don't have any cards that give out reward points. Someone was being nice to me and I wasn't about to say no.
My seatmate turned out to be a lovely young woman. She called herself Bex and I basked in her attention. Normally I strike out with prostitutes, but she seemed to take to me immediately. I noticed the flight attendant lavished me with attention too, but I had never flown first class and that may have been normal, but I was suspicious anyway. Bex was differently a plant and my seating arrangement was no chance thing, but damn I was going to wallow in while I could.
When we landed, Bex suggested that we go and get something to eat a restaurant she knew nearby. I agreed mostly because I was starving and if I played my cards right, I could get her to pay for the bill. Only when she would invite back to her place, an obvious trap, would I ditch her and try and find this Luca person. I had an address, but I would cross check it once I was free of Bex. Too many things had already gone my way and I know the universe doesn't like me and this was all some sort of giant setup.
We got to the restaurant and were seated outside even though the place had plenty of open seats inside. I took in the several work vans nearby and smiled for the cameras. There were at least six different agencies filming me eat and I didn't want to disappoint them. Bex barely touched her food and kept trying to bring the conversation around to what I did for a living. I kept steering it back to dumb shit like the SyFy channel movies and if anyone actually watches them or if it was actually a money laundering scheme.
After desert she made her play and suggested we go back to her place. It wasn't far from here, just near the docks. I readily agreed, but I knew it was a trap. I wasn't sure why anyone would want to trap me now. I hadn't even come close to Wreaclast let alone my objective. But I played along and we took a stroll like we had been together forever.
We were getting close to a warehouse and Bex said she needed to go inside and use the restroom. I just smiled and let her lead me to the trap. She didn't seem to think it odd that I had no problem with her having a key to a random warehouse in New Zealand, when on the flight she told me she had never been there before. I just wished that I had a weapon to defend myself with, but fists would have to do for now.

She opened the door and before she could get the key back out of the lock a huge man grabbed her! I was going to run, but another shoved me through the door and I was now stuck in the warehouse! Only I was prepared and rolled onto me feet and took off running hard down the aisle. Bex was giving the huge man a lot of trouble and the other had to stop to help him. I was able to get out of sight for now. Only the way back to the door was blocked.! I kept down and moved to a better location. I could hear the struggle, but wanted no part of it.
“Moon! Come on out and stop this foolishness!” I thought I recognized the voice, but the echo in the warehouse made it sound strange. “I have your girl! Don't make me shoot her!” I stopped and thought for a minute. I stuck my head up and surveyed the room. There were two of them and one had Bex.
“Hey, if you shoot her that's all on you!” I yelled back and moved off to another position.
“If you don't give me what I want, you will force me to shoot her. That is a direct reaction to your action, or in this case non-action!” He shouted back. Another heads up look. Good, they were staying in the same place. I was worried one would try and track me down while the other tried to engage me in conversation.
“That's a circular reasoning and based on a false assumption that I have any kind of power over your intentions!” I shouted back. Moved again. They may not be actively hunting me down, but make it easy?
“What the fuck is wrong with you two!” Screamed Bex.
“You mind staying out of this?” I yelled. “We're trying to resolve this argument ourselves!” I looked up again the saw they were distracted by her renewed struggling. I ran across the opening to the other side and hid again. But something made me look again. “Pavshaus?" I shouted, “Is that you?”
“Who did you think it was? Cronk?” He yelled back.
“Kind did at first, but I thought you were shorter!” it was a dig at his smaller stature, especially next to the very large Cronk. But who was his helper? Billy Oatmeal? No matter. From here I could see an open window. There was a stick or pipe holding it open and I no longer needed to make it past them to the door.
“Listen Moon, I still have your girlfriend and I still have a gun pointed at her head.” He boomed. The echo was faintly amusing, but he continued. “I have laid out the terms of this engagement and its your turn. Give me what I want or you will force me to shoot her!”
“Hate to burst your bubble Pa old buddy, but one, she is not my girlfriend. And two, I never accepted your terms for anything, therefore your terms are meaningless. And furthermore, I don't think you can shoot her!”
“Not your girlfriend?!” He asked. “But, but..”
“What do you mean I not your girlfriend you asshole?!” She shouted.
“Pav, I'd cut my losses and let her go! While you still can!” I added while trying to cover the noise of the window opening further.
“What the fuck are you talking about?!” He exclaimed.
“She an agent! CIA, FBI or GGG! Sent to find out what I was searching for! I think she may even be a robot of some kind!” I had shouted through the window. I was already outside and waited for the next reply. I was enjoying this. But what I heard instead was two gunshots!
“Pav?” I yelled.
“He'll live! But I going to enjoy killing you, you son of a bitch!” Screamed Bex. “And I am not a robot!” I really should have been running for my life, but I couldn't resist one last comeback.
“Hey leave my mother out of this!!” I yelled, ducked and then turned and not a moment too soon. Several bullets hit the window sending shards flying. As soon I knew the clip was empty I ran for all I was worth to the road and safety of the crowds.

I made it to the main street and mingled with the after dinner crowd. I felt safe for the moment, but I should have known better. A limousine pulled up next to me and a man was looking at me through the open back window,
“Get in Moon.” He said. I kept walking, but thought about running. “Moon, don't make me chase you down. You probably wont like being tased.” He said and I stopped. With a heavy sigh, I opened the door and climbed in the back. The driver pulled away quickly and I looked over the man in the back. Not too impressive. Young, fit and clean cut, yet he would never standout in a crowd.
“Glad to see you have some sense about you Moon.” He was looking at me with obvious disdain. I shrugged it off. I had been insulted by better men than him.
“Cut to the chase, pardon the pun.” I said.
“I don't mind puns when they're good ones.” He replied. “Of course yours suck, but hey.” He shot me a thin lipped smile had I didn't bother to return. “I believe you were looking for me anyway Moon.” He continued.
“And you are?” I asked
“Luca.” He said and I nodded. Made sense too. If he really was GGG, he knew were I was the entire time.
“Thanks for the lift. Now where are we going?” I inquired.
“Just sit back and enjoy the ride Moon. Your questions will be answered soon enough.” And with that he stared out the window. I thought about punching him in the head, but he either would be expecting it or was trained to defend himself. Either way I might not come out of it better, so I sat back and relaxed.
The streets were fewer and fewer between as we left the city and headed out who knows where. I tried to run through what I knew so far over in my head, but I was very tired. The flight, the meal, and the fight had left me drained. I closed me eyes and before I could stop myself, I drifted off.
I awoke when the limousine stopped. I blinked a couple of time and Luca was staring at me.
“What?” I demanded.
“You should see a doctor. You snore like a asthmatic walrus.” He said and exited out the other side. I could help but laugh a bit, but I recovered from that before I opened my door. We were inside a large empty building. It was well lit and spotlessly clean.
“What's next?” I asked him.
“I am here to answer your questions. Within certain parameters of course.” He said. I nodded and thought about it for a moment.
“GGG?” I asked.
“Outside the parameters and not pertinent to your mission.” He replied. I nodded again and thought some more.
“Alex Daemon?” That made him wince.
“Yes the elusive Mr. Daemon. Once again he slipped through our net. Never mind that now. Someday he will slip up.” He still didn't look happy about it.
“Wreaclast?” I asked,
“Much better. Yes Wreaclast The unfound land. The land of exiles. I am here to assist you to reach it.” He stated, “And that is all I am here to do.” He was making no secret of his dislike for me. That made me smile. I take pleasure from making other people uncomfortable. I know that makes me an asshole, but I try never to lie to myself. Most of the time.
“The Vessel of Udja?” That got a rise from him.
“Yes the Vessel of Udja. You have been tasked with retrieving it by an unnamed party. We had a discussion with Mr. Whale, but it was not fruitful. Then there is you. We have not yet decided if you will be allowed to complete that part of your mission. But yes, We are very interested in finding this vessel. If it is as powerful as legend has it, we need to know it is very secure.” He acknowledge.
“And now I work for you?” I put it out there. I hoped you would say yes so I could bill him too, but it was not to be.
“No Mr. Moon. You do not work for us. We are simply an interested party and to that end we will assist you getting to Wreaclast Once there, our,” He paused, “Influence is limited.” I could tell he didn't like that part of the equation. “But know that there is only one way out and we control it. Fuck with us and you may live to regret it, but I seriously doubt it.” He said. The threat was delivered just the way threats should be. No emotion, simple and straight forward. It's much more menacing that way. But I know those tricks and let it slide. The fact that he had to deliver a threat at all told of his worry that I would find a way back on my own.
“Oh, and more thing. There's someone that wants to see you off.” He smiled indicating someone behind me. I turned to meet this person to see Bex just before she kicked me hard right in the nuts!
I was on the ground gasping for air and crying when she grabbed my hair and pulled my head up.
“Soccer?” I managed to get out.
“Mountain biking she said with that wonderful smile of hers. I was going to smile back, but her slammed my head into the floor and I blacked out.

When I came to, it was with an excruciating headache that was making my whole body vibrate. I winced as the the pain hit again. The wind and noise weren't helping at all.
Wait a minute! Wind? The noise? I opened my eyes to see I was sitting in a plane with the rear cargo door open. The noise was both from the wind and the whine of the turbo props. I Looked around and saw several military types smiling at me. I slumped and sighed. They laughed and two of them pulled me up. I could feel what I hoped was a parachute on my back and looked at their names on their jumpsuits. Spoonman and Nightmare90.
“Does it matter that I have never done this before!” I shouted over the noise.
“Yes it does!” Spoonman shouted back laughing. I looked at Nightmare90 and asked him about his name.
“Why 90?” I yelled over the wind.
“Funny story.” he shouted back Then he and Spoonman threw me out the back. The last I saw of them was the two of them waving. I laughed too. It was funny if you saw it from their point of view. Must have waited years to do what they just did and I hoped they enjoyed it.
The chute must have had a timer on it, because it opened before I could locate the right handle. The experience was actually quite pleasurable floating down in the darkness and then into a light fog. I tried not looking down. When I hit I wanted to be relaxed and not die shitting myself.
As luck would have it, I hit just off shore. The landing was soft and my feet just touched the bottom as I came to a stop. Now I just had to worry about drowning under the chute as it covered me. I had watched enough movies to know to get out of the harness as fast as I could and I took a deep breath and swam under the chute now resting on the surface, but starting to sink.
I was going to come up, but I already was at the surf line and the waves pushed me out of the water and onto shore. I got to my feet and stood there for moment. I was alone on a continent that wasn't on any map. I let that roll around my head for a moment, mentally slapping myself for taking the job. Then I noticed the line attached to my leg. I pulled on it and I could feel something coming through the water. I pulled again and saw a bag of gear. They hadn't completely fucked me!
I opened the bag and on top was a automatic. I frown at that and with some hesitation threw it back in the water. No guns. I said to myself. Remember what happened! Nasty business that. Eggy was never the same after Istanbul. I vowed then that I would never use one again. And then came Budapest and Joana Dark. I vowed again never to use a gun after one too and so far I had kept that promise. So far.
They had been nice and provided me with a set of my clothes to change into and in the bottom, I almost missed it, was a nip of Maker's Mark! I needed to remind myself to be nice to myself someday! Like today! I ripped the top off and downed the nip. Letting the last couple drops dip from the bottle to my tongue. I felt much better and headed off the beach so I could change somewhere dry.

I was sitting on a large piece of drift wood tying my bootlace when I heard someone behind me. I turned and I have to say I was shocked! There behind was a monster of a man with a sword stuck in his chest!
“Hey buddy. Got any booze?” He asked. His voice was deep, but gravelly.
'”Sorry man, they only gave me one nip of bourbon.” I said over my shoulder. “Already downed it.” I still needed to get my other boot on before I could make a run for it! But he just sat down next to me.
“Fucking bourbon! Man I miss that. That and a good rum! Most just have fucking tequila these days. Or that flavored Vodka shit they make for little girls.” He face sank if that was possible.
“I can't stand that shit either. So what's the story?” I asked pointing to the sword.
“Oh, I'm undead. I guess the newest term is Zombie. I actually like it. Better than The Damned.” He said. I gave him a look and he took a moment then I could see he understood. “The sword!” He exclaimed. “Mostly habit now. Use to use it to kill everyone I could, but over the years, I've kind of mellowed. The fallen just raise again and most of them are annoying as hell. But I still need a place to keep it that I wont forget” He sounded sad, then he brighten again, “But at least I don't have to work anymore! The beach is great and the weather.” He smiled. If you could call it a smile.
“So, you cursed or what?” I asked digging through my satchel.
“Yeah, got ten more years I think. Hard to be sure. The old brain isn't what it use to be. Name's ScrotieMcB by the way” He smiled again. He was watching me dig through the bag. I pulled out my sneakers and he give me a strange look. But I think I got the message. I handed them to him and he put them up against his rotting feet.
“Oh well, nice try I guess.” He said handing them back. I took them, but felt something inside the left one. Another nip! I held it up and he laughed. It was a horrible, horrible sound and I hope I never hear it again! But I handed him the nip, only his hands were unable to get the top off. He handed it back and I opened it for him.
“Long life stranger!” He said and downed the nip. Letting the last drops hit his disgusting tongue. I had to smile. I had just done the exact same thing. He finished the bottle and looked at the label for a time. “I'll probably never taste that again.” He sounded sad again. “But I got places to be. See you around stranger.”
'Wait!” I cried. “Ever hear of the Vessel of Udja?” I asked
“No, but then I'm kinda out of the loop out here.” He said and I slumped a little. “But Vakirauta might know something.” I perked up at that. Daemon told me to look for a mysterious man call Vakirauta!
“And where might he be?” I ask nicely.
“That way.” He pointed North. “Everybody is North of here.” He chuckled.
“Heh?” I muttered.
“It's a joke. Never mind. Anyway, vakirauta should be directly North of here. Just don't tell him I sent you. We have some bad blood between us, my trying to kill him and everything.” He then walked away, leaving me sitting there thinking hard. Was the rest of this place going to be this strange? Only that line of thinking wasn't going to get me to Vakirauta and more importantly to food! I was getting hungry.

I wandered through the town aimlessly. I had nothing left to barter and no money that anyone would accept. I did at least get a good meal from trading my sneakers at one of the kiosks. But now I needed to find Vakirauta. Only everyone I asked either looked at me funny, like they didn't speak the language or quickly moved away. I preferred the ones that pretended not to speak English. I heard it everywhere, except when I asked a question. Suddenly it was more foreign than a good Jay Wilson joke.
But not everyone was avoiding me. A very fat man was trying to follow me discretely, but I was almost in tears over how bad he was doing it. Still I needed someone to point me in the right direction and whoever this person was, they must know something or they wouldn't be following me. So I went to the back of the next store and quickly ducked into the doorway. I didn't have to wait long before tubby wobbled past.
I stepped in behind him and he never saw me. It was getting to be too much. Finally! He turned around after losing sight of me and let out a shriek when he saw I was right behind him!
“Alright fat man,” I snarled, “Why you following me?” He sputtered and thought about running, but I could see in his eyes that he knew he would never get away.
“Not here Moon!” He hissed looking all around him like he was afraid we were being watched.
“You know my name? How?” I demanded. I had a hold of his shirt now and was surprised at how little he really weighed!
“Careful! You'll ruin my disguise!” He cried, slapping my hands away.
“Disguise?” I sputtered.
“Its a fat suit!” he hissed again. Still looking all around nervously. “Let's get out of the streets!” I let go and he waved for me to follow him. I just shook my head. A blind man could follow him! I watched him try to move through the crowds and almost pissed myself! I hadn't seen anyone be more conspicuous since Inexium tried to tail Crackmonster at the Bellagio in Vegas!
We finally made it to his destination thankfully. I was hurting from the suppressed laughter! Once inside he made sure to lock the seven locks on the flimsy door that I could have pushed in with no problem at all. Then he went to the different windows and looked out each one. I was having to wipe tears from my eyes now! He must have assumed we were safe because he started struggling to get out of his fat suit. I just had to sit down now as my knees couldn't take it anymore. He finally got out of the suit and was quite winded from the effort.
“So, do this often?” I joked. His glare back was meant to be intense, but I had to repress the laughter again!
“I think you fail to understand the seriousness of the situation Moon!” He shot back. “I have to wear a disguise for protection!”
“From whom?” I inquired.
“What?” He asked. The look of puzzlement on his face was also amusing, but I was getting control of myself again.
“Who is looking for you?” I asked sweetly.
“How the hell am I suppose to know?!” He shouted, but in a quiet voice through clenched teeth.
“OK, let me get this straight. You don't know who may be following you, so you wear a fat suit.” He nodded. “But you don't disguise your face?” I could see he didn't understand. “Do you know anyone here?” I asked and he shook his head no.
“Does anyone know you outside of Wreaclast?” again he shook his head no.
“So why the fat suit? You could have just worn a wig and a fake mustache.” I could see he wasn't following my logic. I thought about trying again, but gave up. I don't know if my ribs could take anymore laughter.
“Moon, I don't think I like you.” He tried to snarl. I smiled back and put my feet up on his table. He didn't like that.
“So you know who I am. And you are?” I asked.
“Solwitch. Let's get back to why I need a disguise.” He said
“Solwitch. I've heard that name before and please let’s not revisit the suit.” I pleaded. He watched me for another minute, but he finally pushed my feet of of his table.
“Moon, if you aren't careful I can make things hard on you!” He growled. I let it slide. As funny as he had been so far, I vaguely remember Daemon mentioning his name and that couldn't be good. While I tried to recall what it was I was suppose to know about him, he went back to the windows and kept looking out each one like a criminal from a 40's mobster movie.
“Alright Solwitch, you know that sounds like a woman's name, right?” I asked, but didn't wait for his retort. “Anyway, what do you want?” His anger was almost too much, but again through clenched teeth he replied.
“One more asshole and I will throw your ass to the wolves! Or maybe turn you over to Vakirauta!” It was meant to be a threat, but I was already looking for Vakirauta and I had enough of this meeting. I motioned for him to get close. He leaned in and I grabbed his nose and twisted it. He howled in pain and I pushed into a chair. The I then went to his door and looked at the seven locks.
“Fucker!” He screamed! “Just try and get out!” I smiled and kicked the door right off the hinges. I waved as I stepped through to outside. Only which way to go? I shrugged and went left. When in doubt I always go left. Another left and back out into the main street of this crowded little town. Right into a squad of heavily armed men looking for me. This was not going to be good.

“Gentlemen!” I smiled. “I believe we should get out of the sun.” I said trying to be helpful. The brutes looked at each other and finally one of them punched me hard in the gut. I gasped and fell to a knee. The one that hit me motioned to the others and they grabbed me by the arms and dragged me off.
“I would have just come along you know.” I said nicely and they stopped. The leader looked at me puzzled. Then made a side to side motion with his head as if he had just made up is mind. And he had. Another fist to the stomach! Me and my big mouth!
It only took a few more minutes before we came to a large temple looking build and the leader pounded on the door. A small opening slid open and I could someone looking out. The opening slammed shut and I could now hear several locks being undone. Only I was sure these ones actually would hold the door shut.
“Ah, the famous Moon!” said a man that resembled Arnold Schwarzenegger except only much shorter. Almost a Mini-Me of an Arnold. “Please excuse my associates’ manners. They are not use to people such as you gracing our fair land!” He hooted. It was sort of joke, but I didn't get it.
“Does everyone know me around here?” I asked rubbing my stomach now that the brutes had marched off.
“Of course. You have been less than stealthy. Only asked every single person about Vakirauta! The entire region knows who you are now!” He was enjoying this way too much, but I was in no condition to do anything about it. Plus the man looked like he could pulverize me.
“Fine, so everyone knows who I am, but you have not introduced yourself.” I pointed out.
“Wait a minute! You don't know who I am!” He sounded genuinely surprised. “But I am the one and only Bermal Berist!” He proclaimed like it meant something.
“And?” I asked, pulling out a chair and sitting down in this temple of what I could only assume was a church of narcissism. He had statues of himself everywhere only much larger.
“Seriously! You never heard of me?” He rolled his eyes and looked skyward. “What the fuck is this world coming to?” He exclaimed. He looked at me again, studying my face. “You really have never heard of Infinity?”
“I know what Infinity is, but I have never heard of a man called that.” I said truthfully. Again with the eye roll.
“Infinity! The Super powerful ancient rune word!” He explained like that would change everything. My blank expression must have been too much for him. He looked skyward again and began pacing around the room muttering to himself.
“Oh wait! Daemon did mention you or was that Bambi?” I said and he stopped and looked at me.
“Alex Daemon?” He asked with a pained expression on his face.
“What about him?” I answered. His face turned so red I thought it might explode.
“What about him?! What about him?!' He shouted. He then moved his face right into mine. I wish he hadn't, his breath was not pleasant. But I'm sure mine wasn't too sunny either. Hadn't even seen a toothbrush in several days!
“Mr. Daemon,” He drawled out slowly, “is probably the most hated person in Wreaclast!” I put my hand between our faces and he got the message and backed off. “Sorry about that.” He muttered.
“Yeah, let's not do that again. Anyway, how could Alex possibly be hated so much?” I asked nicely. “We've always got along.” That may have been the wrong thing to say. He was turning red again.
“How?!” He screeched! “I'll tell you how! The mother fucker told everyone about my seven challenges and now everyone knows how to defeat them!” He was shaking his fists in rage, but there wasn't anything in the room that didn't have his likeness on it that he could hit. Except maybe me. “Do you have any idea how hard it is to come up with a new challenge?” He yelled at me. I just shook my head no. “It's really fucking hard!” He yelled again. “I have been racking my brain for weeks now to figure out a new one!”
“Well Bambi, if you still just have the old ones, mind if I skip them.” I lied . “Don't ever call me that again!” He snarled. “Only Daemon has the balls to call me that!” He thought for moment, “And maybe Vakirauta, Charon, and maybe the Mythical Chris.”
“Mythical Chris?” I asked quietly. I had almost more mythology than I could stand. I really didn't need more.
“The one known as Chris the Wilson. A powerful being able to destroy Wreaclast and its inhabitants with a single word!” He hissed. “Do not ever cross him!”
“Just Wreaclast?” I said hopefully. Bambi's stare was effective. I squirmed in my chair.
“Is that enough? Want do you want? The power to destroy the entire world?” He sneered, then stopped. “You're looking for the Vessel of Udja!” He proclaimed. He started laughing and had to sit down he was laughing so hard. I waited it out and after wiping away a tear, he regain himself and took a deep breath.
“You are free to go. Try going North. I think Vakirauta is to the North. You'll need to talk to him if you are to face Charon and survive.” And with that he waved his guards in. I stood up and held out my arms. The leader punched me in the gut again the other two grabbed my arms and dragged me to the door and after watching the doorman undo all the locks, they threw me out into the street.
“Well, that went better than I had hoped.” I said to myself.
“Glad to hear it.” said a familiar voice. I turned and there was Solwitch with a gun. He motioned for me to get to my feet and I did slowly. Then ducked left and came up under his fat suit and flipped him! The suit cushioned his fall, but he still dropped the gun. I retrieved and he put his arms in front of his face, but I merely unloaded the clip and the removed the round in the barrel and dropped it on him. Next I worked the release and removed the firing pin.
”Why are you such an asshole?” He asked trying to roll to his side so he could get up.
“It’s the only thing I was ever good at.” I said and handed back the now useless gun.” He took the gun and looked at it.
“You have any idea how hard it was to get this!” He whined. “I really fucking hate you, you know.”
“Welcome to the club.” I said patting him on the back. “Welcome to the club.” Should have kept my mouth shut. I turned to walk away and he decided to use the gun as a club. The blackness fell hard as I did. At least I was out before I hit the street.

Once again I awoke laying on a cold hard surface. It was beginning to be a bad habit. I rolled over onto my back and opened my eyes. Standing over me was a dark figure. It moved and the light that was behind it blasted me right in the eyes and made me wince! I tried to move my arm to cover my face, but I couldn't. Something was restraining my movements. I blinked several times to try and clear my eyes and the light was shifted away from me. Now I could see that my arms and legs were chained down, but with some wiggle room.
“Have a nice nap?” asked a voice I never heard before. I tried to lift my head in it's direction, but again the chains prevented me.
“Ah, I seem to be at a slight disadvantage here.” I said and I could hear a chuckle.
“They told me you were a smart ass Moon, glad to see they were correct.” He continued. You'll have to excuse the chains for now. I seemed to have misplaced the key. Sorry.” the person said.
“If it's not much trouble, mind telling me who you are?” I asked politely. I really needed to be unchained. My bladder was full and I didn't want to delay being let up.
“I am Vakirauta.” He said. “I understand that you having been making inquiries about me.” I tried again to lift my head up to see this mysterious figure I had been trying to meet since being dumped on this land. But it was pointless. He was staying behind me and the chains only allowed for a small range of movement..
“I was told that if I want to get to the Vessel of Udja I would have to go through you.” I stated and waited. I heard him move, but not towards me or the chains. I was starting to get desperate. “Listen, I hate to be a party pooper, but I really gotta go.” I said calmly, but I wanted to scream it. Then from the distance I heard footsteps approaching.
“Found them!” said another voice. This time I could just turn enough to see who it was.
“Solwitch!” I exclaimed.
“Warned you not to fuck with me, but no! You had to play the clever one! Well who's clever now?” He was gloating and I had to admit that he won this round. But more importantly I felt the chains being lifted and heard the lock click. I jumped up and the one called Vakirauta was still in the shadows.
“That way.” He said pointing towards a room off to the side. I ran as fast as I could and the relief was amazing. Finished, I made my way back towards the spot I had been tied down to. Solwitch was standing there looking smug and I got close to him and looked down. Puzzled, he looked down too and saw my knee coming up to meet his face!
“Really Moon! Was that necessary?” ask Vakirauta.
“Necessary, no. But I took a great deal of pleasure in it.” I looked down at Solwitch, but he was out cold. I turned my attention to my host and he was still only visible as an outline. “Daemon told me you were mysterious, but don't you think this is a little bit silly. I heard him laugh and he stepped towards the light. His long hair framing his online made me laugh.
“What/” He asked now clearly in the light.
“For a moment there, you looked just like Kaiser Sose from the scene in the usual suspects when he's walking away from a fire.” I said with a snort. I was glad to see him grinning.
“You are the like the fifth person to tell me that. Personally I don't see it, but I loved that scene so I don't let bother me.” He replied. I was smiling too.
“Great movie, but hard to imagine Kevin Spacey having a head of hair like yours.” I said and we both laughed. Solwitch on the other hand groaned.
“Follow me please.” He said and we left Solwitch laying there, but starting to move. “He'll be fine. I have paid him handsomely for bring you to me.” He said and my lack of understanding must have been plastered all over my face. “Yes I know you asked just about everyone about me, but I have to be careful. I do have many enemies.” It was a statement of fact, but I couldn't help but like the man. His entire demeanor was refreshing after all the other types I have had to deal with lately.
We retired to a beautiful courtyard and on the table was a pot of fresh coffee that may have been the finest I ever had. But I was getting weary. Life again had a way of fucking with me and I smelled a trap. But for the life of me! I couldn't see it anywhere!
“So how is my good friend Alex?” He asked.
“You and Alex are friends?” He was the first person to call him by his first name since I started this job.
“We have a shared history. Let's leave at that.” He said pleasantly.
“Well I know, well think I know, that GGG failed trying to pick him up, but other than that, I haven't seen him since I left.” I said and he nodded.
“Yes well, I assume he's back in Japan by now and up to his old tricks.” The memory of those tricks brought another smile to his face. I couldn't help but smile too. Then his faded. “But GGG you say.” It was my turn to nod. “Yes, well I have to maintain a low profile unless they become too interested in my activities. Not good people to be on the bad side of. Especially Bex. Dangerous woman to upset.”
“Yeah, I learned that the hard way.” And he laughed. “But I was sent to find the Vessel of Udja. Can you help me?” I asked. I could see him thinking fast and hard as he sat back in his chair.
“The Vessel of Udja. I wonder who could be looking for that?” He wondered aloud. “Personally I think you are wasting your time. I think that the Vessel has been leaking for some time now and the damage has been done.” I didn't like the sound of that.
“I was told if ever opened the contents could destroy the world and you think its leaking?” I was amazed that he seemed so unworried about the possible end of the world.
“Remember that most legends get blown out of proportion and this one is most likely the same. But the power within the Vessel is very real and I have my suspensions about its containment. Udja the best person at the time to contain it, but he like the rest of us is not perfect and therefore his work is not prefect. But still, someone that knows of its existence and has the will to see it opened. This intrigues me, but not enough to go with you.” He smiled. “You will have to face Charon on your own.”
“Who exactly is Charon? I thought Charon was the Ferryman that took souls across the river Styx to Hell.” I said.
“How many Dave's do you know?” He asked.
“And what does that have to do with it?” I shot back.
“Know more than one Dave? Why can't there be more than one Charon?” He asked with a knowing look. I shook my head. I hate being outsmarted! It may happen a lot, but I still hate it! A heavy sigh and I closed my eyes.
When I opened them I asked “Which way?” He enjoyed a good laugh and pointed to the mountain behind me. I turned and took it in. The climb was going to suck! “And let me guess, lots of creatures along the way to try and stop me?”
“Hell if I know. I never go up there.” He said sipping more coffee.
“Then how do you know about Charon?” I wondered.
“Poker night.” was all he said.
“Fuck me!” I yelled at the world! He laughed again and got up to show me out.
“Have fun storming the castle!” He shouted as I got near the fence.
“Oh real original!” I shouted back, but I laughed. At least I hadn't been attacked leaving his place.

I neared the summit and there perched on a pedestal was who I can only imagine was Charon. I was winded and my legs felt like they'd fall off after the climb. Only the total lack of being attacked had left me rather bored and I was looking forward towards meeting this demigod, if that was what he truly was. I did have to admire his stature. The man was impressive, I only wish he believed in pants. His toga was leaving nothing to the imagination.
I watched him while resting to get my breath back and he watched me expressionless. I couldn't help but think of a line from a knofler song about circus freaks. “You look at them, they look at you.” I laughed and I was pleased to see him smile.
“Find something amusing do you.” He asked. His voice was a rich baritone and I thought he would make a great voice actor for commercials if he wanted to.
“You'll have to excuse me for a minute. I may be hallucinating from the lack of oxygen to the brain.” I said and he laughed. It was a warm laugh and reminded me of Vakirauta's. I bet poker night was fun. I looked around and saw a rock that looked flat enough and sat down on it.
“Hell of a climb isn't it?” He asked. I nodded and waited until I could get enough air again to respond.
“Don't know how you do it.” I said finally.
“I take the elevator.” He said with a straight face. I shot him my nastiest look and he ignored it. I was feeling better now that I had a chance to rest.
“So you know why I'm here.” I stated and he nodded. “The Vessel of Udja?” I said. And he nodded again.
“Waste of time mate.” He said. And looked down at his fingernails.
“Listen I don't mean to bore you, but you are the Guardian of the Vessel aren't you?” I asked.
“Sure am, when I can be bothered.” He stated and looked to his other hand's nails.
“So you aren't going to let me get to it? Is that it?” I inquired and he put his hand down and gave me another look over.
“I have several courses of action that I can take in this situation. One is to do nothing. Only I suppose I should make a decision before too long. You did have a awful climb.” He said and I nodded my approval. Only he put up his hand to stop me from talking.
“Like I said, I have a decision to make. Kill you, not kill you, let you pass, make you go away empty handed. I take none of them lightly.” He said.
“Well I for one appreciate that you recognize that it is your decision and not try and foster it off on me some how.” I smiled as I said it, but he did not return the smile.
“Sure you want to cross intellects with me boy?” He asked and I withered a bit. I clearly was out of my depth here, but I still had a job to do.
“Its not that I want to challenge your intellect, its that I have been hired to do a job and the sooner you make your decision, the sooner I can complete my mission and I hope, get back home.” I replied.
“Back to that shithole you call an office?” Scorn dripped from every word, “Or back to your shitty little shanty you call an apartment?”
“I was thinking of the shitty bar outside town that still allows me to run a tab.” I answered and he actually smiled.
“Well let's review the options shall we? One is the simplest. Kill you right now, but where's the sport in that?” He asked with a raise eyebrow. I kept quiet and he nodded his approval. “Another is simply kick you back down the mountain, but I sense you would merely climb it again and force me into another action. No that ='s out.” He seemed to be thinking through the various other options as his eyes closed. When they re-opened he smiled again. “Now I could let you through to the Vessel and then not allow you to leave, that could be fun.”
“But what if I figured out how to open the Vessel once locked away?” I put forth.
“Oh I don't think will matter much. The Vessel is probably empty by now.” He retorted.
“If its empty. Why still guard it?” I asked and he looked down at me again.
“The person that hired thinks the Vessel still holds value and that could be enough reason to not let you finish the job even if the Vessel is now worthless.” He said with as wicked a grin as I have ever seen. I shivered at the thought of those that had tried to match minds with this.., whatever he was.
“So you know what was in the vessel and you and Vakirauta both believe it to be at least leaking. I understand the power supposedly held within could destroy the world if unleashed, but neither of you seem to care much.” I threw out.
“Do you even know who it is that is looking for the Vessel before I tell you why?” He asked and I shook my head no.
“The buyer made sure to put several people between himself and me.” I said.
“He may be able to hide from you, but not me. Have you ever heard of the man known as Dale Winters?” He asked and I frowned. I know I had heard that name before, but I couldn't place it right now.
“From your silence, I assume not. Dale is the world's foremost troll and he senses in the Vessel a power that he can use to prank the entire world.” He smiled. “Only Dale doesn't know that the power was released long ago and he himself is under it's spell as you and everyone else is to some extent. To be fair, some have proven to have an immunity to the power and others like Dale are actually channels for its power to infect others, but not affected themselves. A Typhoid Mary if you will.
“Now I have to admit, I am finally curious as to what this power really is.” I tried to stare into his eyes, but he was looking away.
“I have made my decision. You may enter the Hall of Julia and see the Vessel for yourself.” He proclaimed and with a wave of his hand the wall faded away just as it had at Daemon's place! With some hesitance, I got off my rock and walked towards the opening.
Inside the hallway was nothing special. It had a nice carpet, but the walls were bare. At the end of the hallway was a door. A simple cheap door like you could buy at Home Depot for twenty bucks. There wasn't even a lock!
I looked back at Charon, but he was ignoring me again. With great trepidation, I opened the door and there in front of me was a small pedestal with nothing on it. I blinked and looked again. Then I leaned forward and looked over the backside of the pedestal and there on the floor was a small broken clay jar. Most of the jar was in one piece, but the thing looked like it had been made by an eight year old girl at scout camp! What a piece of shit! Ah fuck! It was broken too! I hurried out to Charon with the remains of the jar, but he seemed uninterested.
“Ah, Charon.” I started and he finally looked down at me. “We seem to have a problem.” and he just laughed.
“I told you the power escaped long ago and if you could see as I do, the evidence is clearly visible!” He said laughing.
“So what was it?” I asked looking inside the opening. I took a sniff, but there was no smell.
“Stupidity.” He answered and laughed again.
“You mean this was the literal Stupid Jar and someone already broke it?” I started laughing too. It all was beginning to make sense to me now. I was amazed, but it was like someone had removed the over-sized hat I had worn over my eyes all these years! Charon smiled down at me and nodded.
“Now He sees!” He shouted to the Heavens. I was laughing so hard now I had to sit down. It took a few minutes, but I finally recovered, but a deep chuckle would bubble to the surface now and then. I just couldn't stop myself.
“Anyway Moon, time for you to go. And please, this time take the elevator.” He waved his hand again and another part of the mountain faded away to show an elevator door waiting for me.
'Son of a Bitch!” I yelled. But I thought for a moment. “I was too stupid to ask if there was an easier way up wasn't I?” I asked Charon and he smiled and nodded. “Mother Fucker!” I mumbled under my breath as the door closed behind me.