Spent the entire day reading lore since I'm the type of person who only hears the first words each character says to me every play through. This is basicially the shortest version of the story I could come up with. GGG please confirm if I am incorrect in anything I state.
Background:
So theres this Empire right? People use gems and are super strong. The people who use these gems are the gemlings or whatever. They basicially always ruled the empire or were used by the empire in some form. Lots of rebellions and stuff, lots of people died, people fought. It was all good. One day it seems skys turned black, everyone was like naaaah I'm good on this. Most either left, or I don’t know became zombies. Either way, the empire had this colony, Oriath or something. It was a theocracy so the head Templar Dominus is like super powerful. So he is judge jury and executioner. He basicially was like, hey jail is expensive lets just ship people off to that empire place that is all jacked up. This worked for a bit, seems like that’s where some people came from. Anyway, piety was like a witch and going to be exiled. And Piety said, Yo Dominus, you can exile me, or ya know, don’t do that. I’ve been reading history books and stuff and the empire was really strong. If we could use skill gems instead of stupid auto attacks, think of how powerful we could be. Dominus pardoned her after seeing patch notes that included a sweet Templar skill gem and hes like, I want that sh*t. So he makes a camp with piety, act 3 stuff. And basicially said, ok, let’s use these skill gems but those exiles and stuff, lets test it on them. Well it didn’t really work, made some messed up creatures. So Dominus’s General was like, Piety go figure out whats wrong, Ill chill here with Dominus. So this is where we come in.
Act 1:
Your character was a jerk so they exiled him. But like exiling these days I think started becoming more like, hey lets shove a gem in your spine and see if something happens. Well some stupid siren sang an awesome song and our captain got really happy and crashed into a rock. She sounded pretty hot, and you think you’re the hero type so lets go save a princess. We start saving the world and everything then we realize piety is here. Since we are nerds we don’t know how to talk to chicks, so when we see piety we basicially are like whats good girl, and she rejects us and was like nope sorry, I have a boyfriend. So we go around chasing her and slapping books out of her hands (flirting) as shes trying to read how to bedazzle some exiles. We kill the Warden who was some old dude whos hands hurt because someone decided to lock him in the basement and we all forgot hes like immortal and pumped full of steroids. We kill that stupid siren because hey she sounded hot, but was totally not. So then we go to Sarn because Piety is going there, and we have more books to slap out of her hands.
Act 2:
You do your good deeds for the townspeople. Then go find piety. She can’t kill that crab scorpion thing. So we do it to prove we are better. Take her pretty gem, find a spear in a spider and throw it into the forbidden temple. Why? Honestly, no clue. Anyway this temple was sealed away because these Vaal dudes got all brain mushed and went crazy. So we kill them, knock over a spirit jar, this spirit starts turning off the lights, and towns people kick us out of the town. They tell us to turn the lights back on so we go into another temple and destroy a robot made by the Vaal because the spirit went into it. We then go to Sarn because Piety told us shed be there.
Act 3:
Dominus is taking people and shoving gems in their spines and we want all the gems for ourselves because they are super powerful and Dominus doesn’t realize you can just put them in your armor. We look for a lost boy but find piety. Flirt with her more, shes like you came all this way for me? Then laughs at us and was like naaah still can't have this. We get pissed and decide its time to murder her because we are jerks and nerds so she runs. She sealed the path so we need to break it. We grab some magic items and talk to the only remaining gemling person, shes all sad because her people ded and she could have ended this all by telling Dominus to put the gems into armor and not into people’s spines. So she makes us a bomb, we blow up the va jay jay wal then kill Dominu’s General dude. Find piety again, kill her for being a tease then we go to kill Domiuns. Dude wasted so much of my time, nothing to show for it so we murder him. We are really happy.
Ending:
The Gemling queen talks to us saying yo good job. I was feeling pretty crappy for not telling Dominus my secret soooo yeah what now? Your character is like, well I guess Ill go back to my home and be a jerk again and hope to not get kicked out again. So you go to kiss the Queen goodbye and shes like you were looking for the princess but I’m sorry shes in another castle, trolololol. She bonks you on your head, does a reverse time spell and throws you into a portal to do it all over again. The End.
"
Antnee wrote:
I gizoogled this, for greater effect.
Spoiler
Spent tha entire dizzle readin lore since I be tha type of thug whoz ass only hears tha straight-up original gangsta lyrics each characta say ta me every last muthafuckin play all up in cause I gots dem finger-lickin' chickens wit tha siz-auce. This is basicially tha shortest version of tha rap I could come up with. GGG please confirm if I be incorrect up in anythang I state.
Background:
So theres dis Empire right, biatch? Muthafuckas use gems n' is supa strong. Da playas whoz ass use these gems is tha gemlings or whatever n' shit. They basicially always ruled tha empire or was used by tha empire up in some form. Lotz of rebellions n' stuff, fuckin shitloadz of playas died, playas fought. Dat shiznit was all good. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! One dizzle it seems skys turned black, mah playas was like naaaah I be phat on all dis bullshit. Most either left, or I don’t know became zombies. Put ya muthafuckin choppers up if ya feel dis! Either way, tha empire had dis colony, Oriath or something. Dat shiznit was a theocracy so tha head Templar Dominus is like supa bangin naaahhmean, biatch? So he is judge jury n' executioner n' shiznit yo. Dude basicially was like, hey jail is high-rollin' lets just shizzle playas off ta dat empire place dat be all jacked up. This hit dat shiznit fo' a funky-ass bit, seems like that’s where some playas came from fo' realz. Anyway, piety was like a witch n' goin ta be exiled. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! And Piety holla'd, Yo Dominus, you can exile me, or ya know, don’t do dis shit. I’ve been readin history books n' shiznit n' tha empire was straight-up strong. If we could use skill gems instead of wack auto attacks, be thinkin of how tha fuck bangin we could be. Dominus pardoned her afta seein patch notes dat included a thugged-out dope Templar skill gem n' hes like, I want dat sh*t. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So he cook up a cold-ass lil camp wit piety, act 3 shiznit fo' realz. And basicially holla'd, ok, let’s use these skill gems but dem exilez n' stuff, lets test it on em. Well it didn’t straight-up work, made some messed up creatures. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So Dominus’s General was like, Piety go figure up whats wrong, Ill chill here wit Dominus. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So dis is where we come in.
Act 1:
Yo crazy-ass characta was a jerk so they exiled his muthafuckin ass. But like exilin these minutes I be thinkin started becomin mo' like, hey lets shove a gem up in yo' spine n' peep if suttin' happens. Well some wack siren busted a phat cold lil' woo wop n' our captain gots straight-up aiiight n' crashed tha fuck into a rock. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch sounded pretty hot, n' you be thinkin you’re tha pimp type so lets go save a bizzatch. We start savin tha ghetto n' every last muthafuckin thang then we realize piety is here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Since we is nerdz our phat asses don’t know how tha fuck ta rap ta chicks, so when we peep piety we basicially is like whats phat girl, n' she rejects our asses n' was like nope sorry, I gots a funky-ass pimp yo, but it ain't no stoppin cause I be still poppin'. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So we go round chasin her n' slappin books outta her handz (flirting) as shes tryin ta read how tha fuck ta bedazzle some exiles. We bust a cap up in tha Warden whoz ass was some oldschool dude whos handz hurt cuz one of mah thugs decided ta lock his ass up in tha basement n' we all forgot hes like immortal n' pumped full of steroids. We bust a cap up in dat wack siren cuz hey her big-ass booty sounded hot yo, but was straight-up not. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So then we git all up in Sarn cuz Piety is goin there, n' our crazy asses have mo' books ta slap outta her hands.
Act 2:
Yo ass do yo' phat deedz fo' tha townspeople. Then go find piety. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch can’t bust a cap up in dat crab scorpion thang. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So our phat asses do it ta prove we is mo' betta n' shit. Take her pretty gem, find a spear up in a spider n' throw it tha fuck into tha forbidden temple. Why, biatch? Honestly, no clue fo' realz. Anyway dis temple was sealed away cuz these Vaal dudes gots all dome mushed n' went crazy. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So we bust a cap up in them, knock over a spirit jar, dis spirit starts turnin off tha lights, n' towns playas kick our asses outta tha town. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. They tell our asses ta turn tha lights back on so we go tha fuck into another temple n' destroy a robot made by tha Vaal cuz tha spirit went tha fuck into dat shit. We then git all up in Sarn cuz Piety holla'd at our asses shed be there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho.
Act 3:
Dominus is takin playas n' shovin gems up in they spines n' we want all tha gems fo' ourselves cuz they is supa bangin n' Dominus don’t realize you can just put dem up in yo' armor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. We look fo' a lost pimp but find piety. Flirt wit her more, shes like you came all dis way fo' me son, biatch? Then laughs at our asses n' was like naaah still can't have all dis bullshit. We git pissed n' decizzle its time ta cappin' her cuz we is jerks n' nerdz so she runs. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch sealed tha path so we need ta break dat shit. We grab some magic shit n' rap ta tha only remainin gemlin person, shes all fucked up cuz her playas ded n' dat thugged-out biiiatch could have ended dis all by spittin some lyrics ta Dominus ta put tha gems tha fuck into armor n' not tha fuck into people’s spines. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So she make our asses a funky-ass bomb, we blow up tha va jay jay wal then bust a cap up in Dominu’s General dude. Find piety again, bust a cap up in her fo' bein a tease then we git all up in bust a cap up in Domiuns. Dude wasted so much of mah time, not a god damn thang ta show fo' it so we cappin' his muthafuckin ass. We is straight-up horny.
Ending:
Da Gemlin biatch talks ta our asses sayin yo phat thang. I was feelin pretty crappy fo' not spittin some lyrics ta Dominus mah secret soooo yeah what tha fuck now, biatch? Yo crazy-ass characta is like, well I guess Ill go back ta mah home n' be a jerk again n' again n' again n' hope ta not git kicked up again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So you git all up in lick tha Biatch peace out n' shes like you was lookin fo' tha bizzatch but I’m sorry shes up in another castle, trolololol. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch bonks you on yo' head, do a reverse time spell n' throws you tha fuck into a portal ta do all dat shiznit over again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da End.
Edit: Yes I am HouseLannister on Reddit.
Last edited by LoanWolf88#7942 on Dec 10, 2014, 6:52:03 PM
