Puns!

They say you are what you eat. Certainly true for Homer Simpson. Talk about a d'oh nut.

I went to a seminar for people who can never finish anything.

I left early.

You guys have disappointed me with your lack of puns!

A bear walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a................. beer." The bartender responds:


A termite walks into a bar and asks:

Did you guys know the Titanic was actually carrying the largest mayonnaise shipment in history when it went on its voyage? It was actually a vessel carrying mayonnaise as well as people, to Mexico, where they are huge consumers of mayo. They love it, and it is widely cherished in their culture.

After the Titanic sunk, the Mexican people were devastated. They actually honor the Titanic sinking every year because of how impactful it was on their culture.

Sinko de Mayo.

I was talking with some guy the other day about a friend we have in common who lost his left arm.
So when i asked how he was holding up, the guy told me he was all right now


;)

I still prefer these puns:
eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.
I relish the fact that you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup to me.
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory.
Taken from funny puns on Punsville

I wanted to make one with animals involved, but it would've been unbearable.
I know, I know, that one was so bad, it was punishing.

I was thinking about criticizing some Jamaican cannibals, but I didn't want to be a jerk.

I forgot to take the adhesive labels off my cookware before I burned some pot-stickers.

I made a figurine to represent Sally Quinn in my custom Settlers of Catan home games, but it's a little awkward: she uses three hexes.

Every Poe player should shop at Vaal-mart.