The Trapper's Tale - A 100% True Forsaken Masters Story

I am a trapper.
This means that I play primarily Shadow, that on average 4/8 of the skills on my skill bar are traps and that I have no button for 'default attack'.
It also means I am inherently a bit off my rocker, but that's not important right now.

What is important is that yesterday evening I went to bed being really, really excited for the new patch. It'd set it to download so that I could check it out while I was eating my breakfast when I woke up.
I logged in, opened the character creation screen, took a shower while I tried to figure out a good name for my new shadow in the new hardcore league, made said shadow, and opened the skill tree to check out the new version.

A brilliant burst of light shot out from my monitor, angelic rays of divinity and critical strike chance enveloping my computer. My character fell to his knees and cried tears of joy, each and every one of them solidifying into int support gems as they mixed with the wet sand.
The three scrolls of wisdom in my character's inventory unfolded, becoming brilliant eagles with wings of Tabula Rasas and exalted orbs for eyes. Every single mob in the area exploded, each dropping at least fifteen uniques, and fire traps rained form the sky.
Lioneye's Watch became a mighty fortress with walls of gold, the entire shoreline was overgrown with lush vegetation and there was both food and 1947 vintage cognac for everyone.

Then a swarm of giant maggots ate everything because this is Path of Exile.
-Fin


(Thank you very much for the fantastic patch GGG! xoxo
-Dragonson)

Then you woke up and what you did next...