Funny stuff my autistic child has said

Matthew was recently suspended from school for throwing a rock (half a paving stone) at a classmate. Unfortunately it struck the child in the forehead causing a cut that required 6 stitches. The other child hs returned to school and Matthew will be attending a counseling session upon returning on Monday.

I've spent the last few days speaking at length of the seriousness of the situation to Matthew and just when I think that it had sunk in, I ask..

Do you think the other boy is alright? To which he answered... No, I don't think so.

Why not? ..... Because he took one hundred points of damage.

We've had many discussions about computer games not being real. No more Super Smash Bros for him for awhile.

100 points? Damn, he can throw.

If you haven't yet, you should read The Speed of Dark by Elizabeth Moon. She's a wonderful fantasy/sci-fi writer with an autistic son; the book is written in the first person, and the insight she's gotten from raising him is apparent. I'd be curious to hear what you thought of it.

Matthew was hovering over a freshly cooked steak. I could see him licking his lips in anticipation as the cooking process had taken way too long. He inhales the steam coming of the meat and says...I think the smell likes my nose.

@SayyadinaAtreides

Love the Dune series and hence your name. I've downloaded it and will give it a read. It may take a while as I'm a slow reader (not in a autistic way) but I'm time poor.

Thanks for sharing, Licker.

My Honours thesis supervisor has an autistic son and I didn't find out until years later when he published his very personal account on it, "When horse became saw". It's amazing how some people compartmentalise just to keep going.

Damn good supervisor and scholar.

Just attended one of those classic primary school Christmas musical nights.

Regular boring night, most parents just want to see their own kids do their boring little routine and then go home.

Mathew's special needs class performed their Australian native wildlife musical number and it was almost painful to watch at first. Each child represented a different animal and either slithered or wriggled or jumped depending on which animal they were. The second girl on stage who was sporting a cast on her leg slipped over on her ass causing the crowd to hush simultaneously. Matthew was last on stage and ended up being right near the microphone that was positioned near the stage. In a moment of unscripted unbridled spontaneous Impulse,he has leaned over and sang his lines into the mic. The happy facial expression he wore as he heard himself over the music won over the crowd straight away. All of a sudden the hall started to clap along and Matthew seemed to transform into a seasoned performer and started to ham it up.

They couldn't have scripted it any better. The special needs class stole the show.

We've had to watch our language around Matthew as he will repeat stuff out of context at the wrong times.

Just the other day, the missus was teasing me over my favorite sporting team losing and I responded with a "screw you!".

Matthew gasps in offended horror and says "dad said he was going to screw mum with his screwer".

His brother who is a year older was getting fed up with him needling him for attention and said "fuck you".

Matthew runs down the other end of the house and cries out "dad, Isaac said he was going to fuck me".

Out of the mouths of babes.

I would have explained to him that "(you) fuck me" is an offer for sex, while "(you) fuck you" is merely a command to masturbate, and thus little more than a slightly more vulgar version of "go fly a kite."

Grammar is important.

Matthew knows what you did last Summer.
You could have blamed it on the weather.