@ask Dr Hardlicker

Dear docotr Hardnippler

WHY Oh gawd, WHY does it always rain on me? I JUST do NOT Undersdant is it BecAUSe i lighD whEn i waS seventeen?

It's LIKe EvEN WheN tHE snU is SHINNing iJust cannot AvoiD the lightning.

HALP me doctor hardnibbler

I can't stand myself and i am being held up by invisible men.

Well it's the new year down under and as promised I'm as ripped as any Arnie meme BMBI could link. Why do all my friends give me strong liquor for Xmas / new year? I guess they just know what I want, and speaking of, I know I want to help the strong people of off-topic that ask for guidance. Now with Chuck Norris seal of approval (please don't sue me or worse, karate kick my face clean off.)

Let's progress to MoonYu's observation that not as many people are as active as they used to be. I would start a comprehensive list but seeing as I'm still a relatively new boy on the block, I don't feel I could do it justice. However if you sit through the credits (which I have twice) you'd get a fair idea.

Maybe it's that time of year when prolific posters hibernate for the winter. If I could bring em back I sure would.

Moving past memory lane and on to VictorDoom's sticky predicament.

In the name of science, I listened to Boards of Canada (who happen to be a Scottish band). As I've never huffed anything stronger than a blackboard marker, I can't really speak from personal experience but I can't envisage a scenario where LSD or XTC wouldn't be more suitable than household handyman products.

I do care for all my patients, especially you VictorDoom. I say if you must huff glue then make sure that you...I've got nothing. Just don't huff glue man, sticky drugs are bad m'kay.

Finally we hear from a long time listener, first time caller Pyrokar and he asks "Why is mother nature such a bitch?"

Mother nature sees all. Some call her "God", some call her "Motherfucker". Depends on which side of the karma ledger you sit.

That lie you told when you were only seventeen was a doozy. Mother nature is going to pawn your ass so hard, you'll wish that you had spent the last few years preparing for such an intrusion.

But I think there is a way to set things straight and move forward. You are going to have to smear yourself with animal excrement (your choice) during a full moon (couldn't help myself) and then repeat these words over and over.

I shan't lie again and promise to live my life pure and give thanks to those that have helped me, understood me, stood side by side with me, endured me, nodded respectfully when I waffled on and on, didn't giggle when they saw me topless, chose to not comment on my breath or choice of clothes, etc. you get the picture.

Now go forward and celebrate the new year and I look forward to seeing you guys in the future.

Dear Dr. Hardlicker,

what is 7th grade?

Dear doctor i was drunk when i wrote the last question. Why don't you like Travis?

Dear Dr. Hardlicker,

Why are convenience stores named convenience stores? They are never in convenient locations and take just as much effort to shop at as any other store. In fact why are stores named stores at all? They won't let you store anything at them as I have tried and they simply refuse to take goods of any kind, instead they insist you purchase goods from them so if you really think about it they are not trying to store goods they are just trying to get rid of things they already have.

Good evening fine listeners. I'm hoping that everyone is having a good start to their new year. I'm starting to vaguely recollect some of my actions and apart from walking into a screen door face first, I was fairly well behaved. At least I didn't break anything I couldn't afford to replace. Too old to loose control totally and not quite old enough to just not give a shit.

On to tonight's show and we have a few to get through so here comes the wisdom, get ready for a knowledge shower.

BisnessPirate asks "what is the 7th grade?"

Obviously it's the grade that sits right in the middle of the 6th & 8th grade but what does it grade I hear you ask. Well it's to do with schooling. Home schooling to be precise, which is why it's so disturbing for anyone to think that their 7th grade teacher was hot.

The grading is for how out of touch with reality you are. The scale is between 1 - 12 with seven being considered socially dysfunctional and possibly a raincoat flasher in the making. 1 would be just a little shy and 12 is a serial killer that collects their victims ear wax.

Now that we got that straight, Pyrokar would like to make a statement about inebriation being a causality of liking Travis.

First up, Travis is the best hand puppet a man can have if you know what I mean and secondly, being intoxicated is no excuse for anything. What you do whilst being drunk is what you would've done anyway. Little things like standards and pride and stuff just get in the way of animal attraction. Drink up little buddy.

MoonYu asks "How was the brain after the other day or night or whenever it was?"

My brain was stimulated to the point of inner peace, wellness with the world and myself. Majestic landscapes of hope. After my family went to sleep, I spent about 3 hours by myself in the back pergola area of my suburban home. Listening to music and the sounds of local revelers. I enjoyed my share of natures finest and for the first time in ages, I just relaxed and was happy. The hangover was nasty as but it was still worth it.

To finish up with a deep question from that deep thinker Pavshaus "Convenience stores, what are they good for?"

The number one thing a corner store is good for is sticking up. If you are running just a little short on life's essentials, you only need go to the nearest store and get what you need. They store it there for you, ready and waiting to be held up. They got everything you'll need, right down to brain freezing Slurpees.

Now that's what I call convenient.

Signing off for another night. Remember to drop us a line.

Dear Dr. Hardlicker

My knob got stuck in your mom

wat do?

doctor phil is a sham and you should all be ashamed of yourselves, dr oz is legit tho