Twas The Night Before Patch Notes

Twas the night before Patch Notes, when all through the house
Not a player was straying too far from his mouse.
The fridge next to the couch was well stocked with beer,
Because the 1.3 patch notes soon would be here.

The forums were unsettled, all QQ in the threads,
While visions of nerfs danced in the players heads.
With Chris in his office, and Rory out back,
The coding was loading, and soon they could nap.

When out on the server there arose such a clatter,
The devs ran to their logins to see what was the matter.
Into the gateways they logged with a flash,
Someone was using an exploit to make instances crash!

The players were duping, crafting, and so...
The economy was in danger, values would drop low!
Then, even worse, but what should appear,
But a streamer on twitch, to give instructions so clear.

With the streamer in action, linked to reddit so quick,
The crash method spread, it made the devs sick!
Faster than Diarrhea, the exploiters came,
To clone legacy shavs, and thus ruin the game!

"Now Rory, Dan, Michael, Johnno, Bex and Yeran!
Get in here guys, start banning as fast as you can!"
Chris slapped the button that would rollback the server,
"We have to stop this before it goes any further!"

As the problem was isolated, the coders fingers did fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, on the patch 1.3 drive.
"If we modify this code, we can't upgrade 1.2!",
With a shudder Chris said, "Oh crap! What will we do!"

And then, in a twinkling, they heard at the door,
A panting and huffing that they'd not heard before.
They froze in their places, afraid to turn around,
Somewhat unnerved by this hideous sound.

Bex was the bravest, and screwed her courage up tight,
She opened the door with a cry, staring into the night.
And there he did stand, as the outside lamp surely showed,
It was Jolly St. Neckbeard, "I'm here to fix your code!".

His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His t-shirt was too tight, showing guts that were hairy!
His breath stank of corn chips as he waddled inside,
"Lets make this quick, my mum is giving me a ride".

He sat down at workstation, tongue tween his teeth,
The room filled with clattering as he typed on the keys.
As he worked he did fart, toots that jiggled his belly,
And soon the whole office was both rancid and smelly!

He mumbled as he typed, "I think this will work",
"You guys should give me a job" He said with a smirk!
With a final wink of his eye, he clicked on Compile,
Saying "Lets have a beer, that'll take a while."

So a beer they did have, while his mum waited outside,
He couldn't depart until the patch had gone live.
But of course once it had, all the issues were fixed,
GGG could now go through the logs and punish the dicks!

St Neckbeard sprang up, with huff and holler,
Then waddled outside, to his mums toyota corolla.
Then they heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Patch Notes to all, and to all a good-night!"

I usually hate this sort of thing (yes, I'm a bit of a grinch), but I loved reading this.

Thanks nait2k4

:)

It was funny till St. Neckbeard, then it got gross!

http://www.highsnobiety.com/2014/12/11/santa-designer/#slide-8

The best kind of chills.

"

Jess_GGG wrote:

This is really cool, well done :)

Now be gone to off topic.

:/